Days 1-3: You say you want a revolution....

 Ye-aah, we all want to change the world.

And starting within, with the self, is where change begins.  I saw His Holiness the Dalai Lama speak about world peace years ago.  Much to my surprise, he spent most of his talk focusing on how to develop personal peace, through calming the mind.  Only toward the end of his talk did he explain that world peace is impossible without personal peace and equanimity within, and that family, neighborhood, regional and global peace flow outward from the peace within.

I'm kind of on a yoga high in these first few days of the yoga revolution.  Although it's a bit tricky to find time for class everyday, I leave feeling lighter and more energized.

However, I fear I'm making the world at large worse from my yoga practice.  Why?  Because I have increased my driving a hundred-fold, at least.  I normally bike walk* to the train to get to work, bike or walk to do errands, and, like that famed little old lady, only drive my car once a week - usually to yoga.

But now I'm schlepping seven miles across town, typically in morning or evening traffic which is slow and congested, to attend yoga classes every day.  It's too dark and cold in the evenings to bike, and with connections, the train takes nearly an hour.  I hate to think of all the extra carbon dioxide and other pollution my car is spewing into the world so that I can be a calmer, more centered yogi.

This is the kind of transport I need:

Environmentally-sound yogic transport, as seen in Amsterdam, here.

Why not just find class in the neighborhood?  When I find a teacher I like, I am shockingly dedicated.  I have tried other teachers in the past few years, but always end up going to back to the same teacher, who seems to offer the perfect balance of physical challenge and spiritual practice.  When I go to other classes, I'm like Goldilocks:  that one's too slow, that one's too fast, oooo, this one's JUST RIGHT.  

The benefit of the yoga challenge is that it forces me to branch out a bit, since my favorite teacher doesn't teach every day.  Last night, I went to a class by a new teacher, that I normally would  have passed by.  The class was both intense and restorative - entirely different from my usual teacher's style of teaching - and the teacher had an incredibly soothing voice.  I left the class unusually calm and energized.  A really pleasant discovery.


*I did bike until stupid thugs stole my locked bike right off the front porch.  In broad daylight.  While I was home!  I didn't answer when they banged on the door, and when I came out, the bike was gone.  Joke's on them, though, because the 15-year-old mountain bike wasn't worth $50.  But it sure was handy for tooling around town.

A Green Revolution (in weddings)

After my post yesterday, I got to thinking what a huge impact more consciously sustainable weddings could have.

How many people get married each year?  2,152,00, according to this wedding report. (Imagine how that will grow as marriage equality becomes reality!)

Ok, so there are more than two million events each year.  Some are small, just close family and friends at city hall or in a house of worship.  However, the same report figures the average number of guests per wedding at 128.  So to balance out all the ten person weddings, there are some weddings with several hundred people in attendance.

All these guests have to be provided with refreshments and seating and entertainment, and therein lies a huge potential for positive change.

I'm inspired by the Green Congregations movement, in which Christian congregations affirm their commitment

to care for creation ...  [and] affirm the creation in all its glory and beauty. [They] acknowledge God as the source of all things.... As a result, [they] strive to respect all of life as sacramental. [They] accept our vocation as earth-keepers who care for creation. ...

What I like about this statement is that it's not dogmatic or sanctimonious.  It does not say how congregations should express their care for creation, only that they value God's creation and affirm their duty to protect it.

Further on in the Green Congregation handbook, specific steps are suggested, first for taking an inventory of how the congregation does business, including Worship, Education, Building and Grounds, and Public Ministry, and then suggests ways that congregations might work to lessen impacts in these areas (eg., install compact fluorescent bulbs in church buildings, reduce the use of pesticides on church lawns).  

Imagine how much difference just one of these actions would make: if every house of worship in the country stopped using toxic herbicides and pesticides on their lawns and gardens, we'd have many, many fewer tons of toxic compounds running off into storm drains, rivers, lakes and oceans.  And that's just from one tiny change.

Another example is Transition Towns, communities where folks gather to explore the question:  how can our community respond to the challenges, and opportunities, of Peak Oil and Climate Change?

They raise awareness about current conditions, connect with existing groups in their towns, and assess various sectors of the town (food, energy, transport, health, etc.) to find out what actions are needed to reduce dependence on fossil fuels and create a more sustainable and liveable community.

I'm talking about the power of community here.  If people in a particular community, whether religious or secular, chose to change their lifestyles to take the well-being of the Earth into greater consideration, the cumulative impact of those actions can be HUGE!

Interfaith Power and Light is one such organization that helps religious congregations walk their talk in caring for creation.  Interfaith Power and Light

 [helps] buy energy efficient lights and appliances, provid[es] energy audits and iimplement[s] the recommendations, encourag[es] people to buy more fuel efficient vehicles and to drive less, support[s] renewable energy development through “greentags,” [and] work[s] on large-scale renewable energy installation projects such as rooftop solar and advocating for sensible energy and global warming policy.

Since weddings are (often) religious and spiritual events (supposedly 80% occur in churches and synagogues, but I'm not leaving you out, secularists), can we build on these ideas toward a Green Wedding movement?  Toward an authentic environmentally-conscious wedding movement, not another shopping spree for eco-friendly favors (though that could be part of it, if favors are a must).  

Not a 'greener-than-thou' competition over whose Mason jars have been used more often (passed down from my grandmother!) or how many tons of waste have been diverted from the landfill by forgoing disposable aisle runners and paper decorations, but a movement that begins with a thoughtful approach of assessing what is involved in the wedding, like the Green Congregations movement, and then thinking about how each of those components might be adapted to lessen their environmental impact.  

Maybe consultants like Interfaith Power and Light would spring up to assist couples in reducing their environmental impact.  Many of us already take on a careful calculus in seeking to lessen budgetary impact.  Can we incorporate environmental considerations, too?

Green? Really???

Seeing that some of my bloggy friends were vying for the Wedding Channels Bridal Blog Awards, I checked out the contenders.  It's exciting to see some of the awesome blogs that I've been reading ever since the first days of wedding planning being nominated for the title of 'best blog.'  I'm excited to see who wins!

But.... the category of Best Eco-Friendly Bridal blog is getting me down a bit.  Is this the best of the best when it to comes to planning an eco-friendly wedding???  Now, I love Green Wedding Shoes.  It's one of the few inspiration blogs I still read because the images are consistently gorgeous.  I've been reading it since... forever.... and a few sustainable weddings (including my own!) have been featured there.  But I never thought of it as an explicitly eco-friendly wedding blog. 

Are there no practical folks planning sustainable weddings?  Where are the offbeat eco-friendly brides and grooms?  We need stories and inspiration from real people, describing their successes and challenges in creating weddings that honor their love AND the Earth.  More stories like A Low Impact Wedding. 

Here's the challenge: it's time for those couples who are planning consciously eco-friendly weddings to step out of the background... come out of the forest... down from the mountain... out of the ocean... where ever you are hanging out, and share your stories of your green/ sustainable/ organic/ environmentally-conscious weddings.  If you've got one to share, I'll gladly feature it here.

I've changed my name!

Not actually *my* name (whole rant about this issue coming up soon...), but the blog's name.

I've been thinking about this for awhile. The new name captures much more of what I write and think about: not just being a bride (as soon as I post some of the pro photos and honeymoon stories, I will be waaaay over the wedding!), but trying to live in a way that captures the lightness and grace of walking barefoot.

I'm nearing the same crossroads that other wedding bloggers have reached, where I wonder what the purpose of this blog is, if not to capture my musings about my impending wedding. I don't have cats, or a major recipe habit, or deep knowledge of wine, or even an abiding passion for weddings (though I must confess to catching up on some pretty pictures and thoughtful writing upon the return from my honeymoon). I'm still interested in following how the bridal bloggers who got married around the same time that I did are experiencing the transition from fiancee to wife, and I'm sure I'll have more thoughts to share on this issue.

But much of what I think about - having had the experience of trying to plan a large event that would be both beautiful and socially and environmentally-responsible - is how to create a life that embraces both beauty and sustainability. I know in the past that these ideas were not opposed: artifacts were beautiful because they were well-made, handcrafted, durable and long-lasting. In the age of disposable everything, beauty, functionality and durability seem to be at odds. Things are thrown away before they are ever used. Durability is sacrificed for efficiency. We spend more time taking care of our stuff than actually enjoying it. How many times have I been to the Apple store to get my ipod repaired??? All because of the crazy notion of planned obsolescence.

So I want to take the lessons we learned from planning our wedding - about local sourcing, about working with artisans, about slowing down, about deciding what is truly important to us, about creating a day that deeply reflected our values - and work on applying it to Real Life. Much of my life, especially the past half dozen years of grad school, is spent zooming around at top speed, cramming in as much as possible. I'm starting to see that mode as neither sustainable, nor desirable, and not at all in line with my values. While I was to experience as much of the awesomeness that this life has to offer,* I'm no longer convinced that doing more is the answer.

I'll share my thoughts about how this works - especially in balancing roles of wife, professional, friend, etc. - and I still have a bit to say about our wedding. By now, blogging has become a habit that I don't want to give up. (Take note, all you New Year's Resolution Makers: after a year, a habit is engrained!)

*Somehow, marriage has put me in touch with mortality, too. A friend who married over the summer told me that her first thought after getting engaged was about death! Something about the transition in life stages, and the acknowledgment of generational change, I suppose. I'll have to come back to this in another post.

Our wedding on Green Wedding Shoes!!!

Wow, wow, wow!

I've been reading Green Wedding Shoes for ages, seeking inspiration and admiring all the stylish, sophisticated weddings featured there -- and now we get to join that exalted company!

Aiii-yiiii! Go check it!

I am so honored that our our efforts toward an environmentally and socially responsible wedding inspired photographer Kate Harrison to create a new promotion. She wrote to me:

[Y]our amazing & close to your heart (and mine!) efforts to have a
sustainable and organic wedding really knocked my socks off and fired me up. ... your wedding inspired me to create "bee-green", which encourages couples to incorporate five eco elements into their wedding for 5% off their photography.

How cool is that??? I couldn't be more pleased that Kate is encouraging other brides to consider sustainable, organic, local and reusable options! What a great way to share the joy, while stepping lightly on the planet. Now, go forth, and bee green!

How green was our wedding?

I'm still having a hard time digesting our glorious Beach Day into bite-size pieces suitable for blog-serving. It was epic. It was metaphysically earth-shaking. It was one of the most beautiful days ever. How do I take that and turn it into blog recaps? I don't yet know.

I do want to share what we did, and what we learned in this space, eventually. When we first started planning the wedding, I was lost at sea, awash in an overwhelming number of opinions, options, and "musts." The sane voices out there were such a welcome respite from all the gauzy images and lists of must dos (on which I was eternally behind!). I want to add our experience to the catalog of sanity.

It was important to us to have a wedding in line with our daily values, as environmental professionals. I've found tips for sane and green weddings all over the web. Before the wedding, I started to compare our plans with this list of eco-chic wedding tips from San Francisco Style Unveiled. Herewith, some more of the results:

26. Order your programs to be printed on 100% recycled post
consumer waste paper that has been processed without chlorine.
hmmm... Mr. Barefoot got them printed at the local print shop. Not sure what kind of paper was used. I'd have to say, though, forgoing programs entirely would probably be a more eco-friendly alternative. As I wrote here, unless the ceremony is in a religious tradition that many guests are unfamiliar with, it's not like there's so much going on that people can't keep track of it.

27. Rather than hosting a full bar, have a personalized cocktail made of organic ingredients – including organic vodka.
Fail. Beer, wine and gin were from BevMo. Sometimes, convenience rules.

29. Use food that is in-season for the reception.
Check. Katie Powers Catering focuses on local, organic, seasonal food that is shockingly delicious! People are still talking about the food!

30. Keep the wedding small. The more guests you invite, the bigger the carbon footprint left from the wedding.
Define 'small.' It all depends on your point of view. For folks with huge, gregarious families, a 100-person wedding might seem small. From my point of view, it was by far the biggest party I'd ever thrown.

31. Donate the flowers from your wedding to a hospital.
Or how 'bout you guests? All the flowers and vases went home with guests. Check.

32. Give each guest an 11-watt compact fluorescent bulb as a favor. Each replaced 50-watt incandescent bulb with the wedding favor will save 685 pounds of carbon dioxide.
Neat idea. Maybe next time...

33. Give a recycled handmade paper bookmark with wildflower seeds as a favor. This can be planted once they are finished using it.
Check. Something like that... we gave these birdseed hearts - the guests can share the love with our feathered friends. I'm not convinced that favors are absolutely necessary, but these were so cute, and in keeping with Mr. Barefoot's love of birds, that they felt right.

34. Purchase wedding shoes that you will wear again.
Oh, yeah, baby. Can't wait to wear the Jimmy's to holiday parties!!! That's why I bought 'em. Check.

35. Use a caterer who composts the leftover food.
hmmm.... honestly, I have no idea what they did with the leftover food. I would have been really stoked to bring home a doggie bag or two - it was that good!

36. Use locally grown flowers for your arrangements.
Check. Hooray for Local Flora! I have to show you her gorgeous arrangements.

37. Throw rose petals after the ceremony, rather than releasing butterflies.
Or nothing. Our national park beach location precluded throwing or releasing anything, which was just fine with me. Who wants to pick birdseed out of your hair on your wedding night? Check.

38. Give antique wedding bands to each other.
See #47.

39. Have your invitations made on bamboo paper.
How 'bout cotton paper, with some post-consumer content?

40. If you want to have a camera at each table for guests to use, rent the digital ones rather than single use.
Check. How many dozens of digital cameras were flashing that day??? We did get some single use cameras at the dollar store for the kids to play with. Quite a lot of fun for them. I wonder how many pictures of knees we have.

41. Travel by train, rather than by plane.
Does taking BART to try on my wedding dress count?

42. Purchase your dress or tuxedo from a vintage boutique.
Fail. New stuff all the way. Mr. Barefoot got a swanky handmade suit; my dress was from a bridal boutique. His suit is clearly re-wearable, which is how I convinced him to get a new one for the wedding (he was fine with wearing one of his two current suits). My dress, not so much. The question now is what to do with it? Initially, I had thought I'd donate it to Brides Against Breast Cancer, or possibly sell it, but I'm feeling more sentimental post-wedding. And I really want to wear it again < blushes >. Suggestions?

43. Take an eco-considerate honeymoon. Travel close to home or consider eco-tourism for your honeymoon destination.
Does hiking and whale-watching count? Patagonia, here we come!!!

44. Consider having a meat-free menu at your reception.
Check. I think everyone survived. I didn't hear any complaints. See #29.

45. Have an outdoor ceremony and reception.
Check, on the ceremony. The reception was indoors.

46. Hire vendors who are committed to being “green” and providing sustainable wedding practices.
Check. The best!

47. Purchase a conflict-free gem for your engagement ring.
Check. Love Brilliant Earth!

48. Live green after the wedding.
Working on it. The next initiative: cutting down on the use of paper towels and plastic containers.

49. Give organic chocolate as a favor.
Yum. Great idea. See #33.

50. Use all local wedding vendors.
Check.

Another decor score

Hooray for the re-using proclivities of my sustainability-minded, penny-pinching environmental science friends and colleagues!

So far I've scored:

• several dozen colored paper lanterns
• votive candles
• bud vases
• tall glass vases
• Mason jars

And now, the pièce de résistance, the gorgeous white lights that will decorate the dance floor. Borrowed, for free!

Photos courtesy of T.G., who got married at the Headlands Center for the Arts last year.
How cool is his wife's dress???

"You're my kind of bride"

I knew I'd found the right florist, when Silke of Local Flora, said that to me.

Before we even got down to the details of arrangements and colors, we had a long talk about sustainability, and pesticides, and local growers, and why it's so hard to find organic flowers. (Answer: consumers demand perfect petals, and growers have difficulty making ends meet if they have to throw away too many munched blooms.) Silke said that the market for organic flowers is in its infancy, in the same way that the market for organic food was ten years ago. Many people don't realize the amounts of pesticides used on flowers or the concomitant dangers (a topic I wrote about here), and don't think to request organic flowers. She and her shop are working to nurture the local supply of organic flowers by working with individual growers, and buying extra blooms from individuals with extensive organic gardens.

Her gorgeous designs show that you don't have to give up elegance by going local and organic.

I showed Silke my favorite flower inspiration image (via SMP), and then said, "But no roses." She didn't bat an eye.
She grabbed some sunflowers - organic ones are easily available - along with some coxcomb and dark red dahlias, and started putting together a bouquet full of bright colors and interesting textures as I watched.

Now the only question is how many corsages and boutonnieres to order for our non-traditional band of wedding helpers.

At the two month mark

Yep, the Knot (thanks, Macy's) and Wedding Wire kindly informed me that it was time to start freaking out last week. The timing was perfect, since I was already freaking out about starting my new job. That means I can multi-task my freaking out, get it out of my system now, and by October I should be the picture of serene calm. (Anyone who knows me will be snorting with laughter by now... but what is life without goals?).

Fortunately, Mr. Barefoot, prescient planner that he is, had just the antidote for the impending freakout: a weekend away. Just the two of us. No weddings to attend (that we haven't had an absolute blast with all our wonderful friends who have gotten married this summer), no wedding planning to do, no work, no stress... and no computers! Just us in the mountains. Back to the climbing and hiking that first brought us together. Dreamy.

Now that I'm back, I could take a look at the Knot's list, and start freaking out about what I've left undone. (Securing the officiant is one important piece that is still... in process.) But I keeping with the mellow, outdoorsy vibe of the weekend, and the ostensible purpose of this blog - to chronicle planning a wedding that steps lightly on the earth - I'm going to take a look at a list of 101 Ways to Create an Eco-Chic Wedding, via San Francisco Style Unveiled, and see how we're doing according to their list.

Feel free to play along at home, and/or add your own tips! I'd love to hear some that they haven't thought of.

*****

1.Have your ceremony and reception at the same location. check

2.Keep the wedding cake simple. fail - as you may recall, our baker, Edith Meyer, specializes in rather elaborate cakes. However, they are organic - the reason we chose her - so I think we get a pass on this one.

3.Use the linens that your reception site provides. check

4.Wear a dress made of raw silk. fail - Wish I could afford one! I checked the tag on my dress the other day at the fitting, and, sadly, it is pure petrochemicals: polyester. In penance, I wrote a lengthy post about the reasons for using organic flowers.

5.Use a reply postcard, rather than a note card that needs an envelope. check - We did one better - we requested online responses to cut down on paper use.

6.Purchase a simple wedding gown that you would wear again. HA!!! (that's a fail.) Broken*saucer will score this point, with her blue gown.

7.Create a wedding website, rather than using mailer inserts with your invitation. check

8.Use the beautiful Northwest moss as a centerpiece in a lovely, shallow bowl. hmmm... not available here. Seems very location specific.

9.Donate your wedding dress to a charity when the wedding is over. that's the plan... Brides Against Breast Cancer.

10. Choose bridesmaids dresses that your friends will wear again. working on it. My BFF didn't really go for the first dress I chose at J Crew, or it's $170 price tag. We're going to hit Nordstrom rack in a couple weeks to see if we can find something re-wearable and less expensive.

11. Have the groomsmen wear a suit they can use again for work. yep, they'll wear dark suits they already own.

12. Blow bubbles rather than tossing rice; rice kills birds when they eat it. check. Rice and birdseed are not allowed at our venue. I'm not really sure I want my friends pelting me with tiny objects, anyway!

13. Rent real glasses and dishes, as opposed to using disposable plates. check - from the caterer.

14. Use a florist who uses flowers from local or organic farms. check - planning to visit Local Flora this week.

15. Have your guests reply on the website, rather than send in paper reply cards. check - are these a little repetitive???

16. Register for your gifts at local shops, so as to save on shipping materials and gas. fail. This one is tricky - with so many guests from out of town, I think it's a lot easier for them to choose gifts from online shops. AND, do we really want ALL those people driving around to shop? It may actually be more efficient to have the UPS guy deliver the gifts.

17. Use recycled gold for your eco wedding rings. check - Went to Brilliant Earth, which uses recycled gold, last week to pick out our bands! Yipppeeeee!!

18. Select a wedding venue close to your home. check

19. Create your own bouquets from wildflowers. hmmm... a moment ago, I was supposed to hire an organic florist...

20. Ride a tandem bike home from the reception. that would require purchasing a tandem bicycle to replace the perfectly good used bikes we already have. Not gonna happen, though it's a cute idea.

21. Use potted plants as centerpieces for a more organic wedding. maybe? Mr. Barefoot is the green thumb... I'm trying to convince him to pot a bunch of succulents, but given our busy schedules, I'm not sure it's gonna happen.

22. Use biodegradable, compostable dishes and flatware made from cornstarch, sugar cane, or tropical leaves. this is confusing... I thought I was supposed to use re-usable dishes...

23. In lieu of a favor, give the money to a charity for a greener world. considering this... we also listed a couple of our favorite causes, including Equality California, on our registry page, in case our guests would like to make a donation to one of these organizations in lieu of a physical gift.

24. Use a green wedding registry. Does REI count??... maybe Gaiam or Earthsake?

25. Use cloth napkins, rather than paper. check, via the caterer.

*****

phew... this is a lengthy list! Out of 25 suggestions, we're applying 14 of them to our wedding. Given that a couple were redundant or contradictory, that seems pretty good to me.

Check back soon to see how I fared with the next 25.

To the post office...

After months of work with the creative wizards at Printable Press and Mercurio Brothers, our invitations finally went in the mail on Tuesday -- just a day shy of two months prior to the wedding.


It turns out that, in addition to his many other talents, Mr. Barefoot is something of a calligraphy prodigy. That is, he picked up my calligraphy pen, screwed around for awhile, and ended up addressing all the envelopes in better style than I could ever muster! I had to address a few stragglers, for whom I was lacking addresses on Sunday, and was not able to match his artistic flair. I love uncovering these hidden talents! (He also makes a mean eggplant Parmesan - never my favorite dish, but much more inviting in his rendition.)

After visiting three different post offices to get enough King and Queen of Heart stamps for our invitations -- which coordinated nicely with the sage green envelopes from Paper Source (with 30% post-consumer waste, yay!) --

source

into the mailbox they went.

And our first RSVP was today! This thing is becoming real. People are going to show up ready to party!

I remember the invitations I got to weddings right after college: an outer envelope, an inner envelope, tissue, vellum, response cards, reception cards, map cards... paper everywhere. We wanted our invitation to be much simpler, while still beautiful and conveying the necessary information.

So, two pieces of paper: the invitation and the map card. That's it. The double-sided map and direction card (to help people find our obscure location), also directs guests to our wedding website, where they can indicate their response for all the wedding weekend activities. The web responses should also be easier to track.




I love the way Kimi, of Printable Press, coordinated both sides of the map card with our invitation, which was based on this.
And yet feels completely our own, in shades of brown and green. (Can you see those lovely deep imprints from the letterpress?)

Both Printable Press and Mercurio Brothers were great to work with. They were patient through several rounds of revisions, were responsive throughout the process and completed everything in a timely manner (or even earlier than promised.)

Letterpress at Mercurio Brothers is half or less the cost of other places - an added bonus was being able to easily drop by on my way to and from campus to check proofs in person. However, all ordering is done via the web, so even if you don't live down the street from Mercurio Brothers, it's worth checking out.

Wedding trend: camping out

here, via FFFFOUND!

Is it just me and my low-impact, recycling-happy, granola-eating, mate-sipping friends, or is camping out for a wedding the new trend?

I've just returned from the third of five weddings this season (the final one being OURS!). We were encouraged to camp at two of the weddings, easily could've camped for the third and fourth, and are offering camping as an option for the fifth (ours).

I love getting outdoors, and camping and hiking have always been some of my preferred forms of recreation.... but I also think there's something slightly incongruous about camping out at a wedding.

On the plus side, camping is cheap and social and convenient. The most expensive campsite is a third or less the cost of a hotel room - an ever important consideration for a bunch of impoverished grad students. And this past weekend, the camping was free on Dr. Cowgirl's parents' land (no price is better than that!). With four weddings to travel to this summer, along with our own to plan, it would have been tough financially if we had not had low-cost accommodations options for some of them.

Camping is social: it's been great to hang out with the others in attendance without running from hotel to hotel. Sitting around late night campfires, drinking beer or roasting marshmallows, are some of my favorite memories ever. I think we're all trying to recreate those memories within our wedding weekends.

Camping on site is also safer and more convenient: since no driving is needed, everyone can party down without worrying about a designated driver. When the party's over - or when you've had enough - you just wander off to your tent and fall asleep. No need to wait until your partner or date is done partying, if they have more staying power than you do. This is a great option for parents: one parent can put the kid(s) to bed, while the other can easily drop in to check on them, or trade-off watching them.

This past weekend in the Tetons revealed one of the drawbacks of camping: you're at the mercy of the weather. Which was freezing! With torrential rain, wind, and pea-sized hail! While we knew it would be cold at night, no one expected the day time temperatures to get stuck in the mid-50s. We'd all brought cute little sundresses and pashminas, which sadly ended up buried under layers of fleece and down.

Which brings me to the other challenge of camping out at a wedding: getting ready. It's tricky to get dolled up in a tent. Mr. Barefoot wisely insisted on getting a hotel room for the night before the wedding, so that we could at least shower before the festivities. To escape the freezing, rainy weather, a couple of our friends ended up bunking with us, and we all elected to get a hotel room for the night of the wedding, rather than camp out in the cold. Had the weather been more cooperative, we would have been thrilled to wake up with the sun and a view of the river, but as it was, we were happy to have a roof over our heads.

The weddings I attended five or ten years ago were all about getting fancy in the city - elegant hotel rooms, cocktails at the bar, receptions in fancy ballrooms or country clubs. I like this new trend of more casual, rustic, low impact events -- and I definitely appreciate the inexpensive accommodations... all I need is the backcountry makeup mirror, and a battery-powered hairdryer.

Having you camped out at a wedding? What are your thoughts, pro or con?

More ways to cut costs

Studio Blue photography is offering 20% off packages booked now, starting at $992 for six hours of coverage.

Ajalon Printing and Design, which I discovered via elefantitas alegras, has an *amazing* letterpress special:

100 invitations, enclosure cards, and envelopes for $398!

What a deal!

Quick: they've got to be ordered by June 30, 2009.

If our invitations were not already well under way, I'd totally be going for something like this:


Or this


More reasons to love it: They're based in Sonoma County, the heart of California wine country, where they print on 100% recycled cotton paper (tree-free) and use soy-based inks.



Green and gorgeous.

Floroptimist

I came across small stump + studio choo, just down the coast in Pacifica, via shiny happy weddings. Loving these slightly wild, organic-looking arrangements, using locally grown seasonal flowers. Check out the goodies in their shop, too.

Save/ splurge

After seeing the firestorm around Ten Thousand Only's reluctance to reveal her final wedding costs, and sera's comment at broken*saucer: "I don't need or want your wedding total. I want how to make mine cost less, and still get what I want," I decided to share what I've learned about wedding budgets after six months of planning.

All the usual caveats apply: trained driver on a test course, do not mix with alcohol, your mileage may vary.

Talking about money is the last taboo, especially for WASPs (high or not), but I feel strongly about sharing information to help each other out and not go broke.

The initial budget
It's nearly impossible to jump into a new world - where you don't know the parameters, what's available, how things are done - and come up with a reasonable initial budget. Our very first budget was $12,000. That seemed like a huge pile of money when we'd never spent more than a couple hundred dollars for wine and snacks from Trader Joe's for a party. Surely, we could wine and dine 100 of our nearest and dearest for that much. (Especially when I've been in grad school for the past nine years - hardly the road financial security - and both of us have buckets of student loans that we'll be paying until we retire.)

We knew we wanted a Saturday evening party, as about 2/3 of our guests would be coming from out of town. We knew we wanted to be outdoors, in a place that had some special meaning to us. But the cold truth about where we live: it's EXPENSIVE! Especially if you want a venue where you can hang out all day, not just for a few hours in the evening. Fortunately, our parents offered to contribute just when we were getting that horrible sinking realization that our initial budget might cover food, wine and location, but not much else. Our revised budget is at the lower end of the "average" cost of a wedding where we live, via wedding cost estimator, but much much more than the initial budget.

Networking
Most of the best ideas for the wedding - from the venue to the photographer - have come through connections. We are not people with tons of crafty artisan friends. But we do have fairly large networks, and have been blessed with lots of good suggestions (and fortunately few of the kind that question our taste or sanity).

Figure out your Values
The best wedding advice I received was to think about three aspects of the wedding that were most important to me, and to focus time/ money on those.
For me those were:
location
food/ wine
dress*

For Mr. Barefoot they were:
location
food/ wine
cake

Ceremony would be up there, too, as a fourth - but the thing that is important to us about the ceremony is that it is simple and community-oriented, mainly in ways that don't cost money. It was important to us to get married outdoors in a place that had personal significance, so our options on places were immediately limited.

*not that I wanted to spend a ton of money - I most certainly didn't - but finding 'the right' dress that made me feel really special was important. My initial dress budget was $800. I hoped to find a sample sale dress, or one at Brides Against Breast Cancer (even considered driving Portland for the weekend, to go to a sale!). Neither of these panned out, and I ended up 50% over budget, but I'm thrilled with the dress that my sister-in-law and I both independently picked out online for me. (Now, if I could just get over to SF to try it on...)

Catering
Our venue has a designated caterer, so that decision was made for us. Fortunately, she is the amazing former chef at one of my favorite restaurants in SF. From the start, we were clear about the limitations of our budget, and she has worked with us. Serving mostly vegetarian food and having stationary, rather than passed, appetizers has saved us some money. And, much as it pains me, we'll probably do a buffet rather than family-style dinner. The venue requires that we bring our own wine and beer - purchased for half price at the BevMo 5 cent sale. (We need to stock up on champagne or cava at the one going on now.)

Bargaining
With all of our vendors, we've been clear on our budget, and asked what they could do within it. (It helps that Mr. Barefoot went to law school!) A few have not been interested in discussing the terms, so we have just moved on. Most have been willing to develop a package that meets our priorities and needs. Photography is one place that we went way over our initial budget of $1000. After looking at tons of photos on the web, I realized that I wanted an artistic photojournalist who could capture the spontaneous moments of the day, not just the formal portraits. We also wanted someone with lots of experience, on whom we could depend completely. Ok, no way we were going to get that for $1000. Our photographer came up with several a la carte proposals that would cover shooting time at the wedding, processing, and the digital files, but none of the add-ons that come with a package (engagement session, wedding album, etc.). These were still above our initial budget, but allowed us to spend our money on the aspects that are important to us.

The budget crisis
Last week, we had a budget pow-wow. We reined in a few areas that were ballooning, and added a bunch of non-obvious, but necessary, costs that we'd overlooked:

• babysitters (most of our friends have toddlers);
• day of coordinator (after seeing all the work Mr. Barefoot put into my graduation party [a casual picnic affair] we knew we needed someone to handle the day of details);
• rings (ok, totally obvious, but more costly than initially presumed)
• rentals (chairs and tables for the cocktail hour)
• rehearsal dinner/ welcome party
• curtain to segregate the bathroom into male/ female sides (our site is a former military building - apparently there weren't any women around back then...)
• tax and gratuities

Where we've saved

• Music: DJ ($100 under budget for four hours of music); Mr. Barefoot's grad school friends will jam during part of the cocktail article; my uncle will help us compile a CD to use during dinner
  
• Flowers: cut budget in half, bought vases at the Dollar Store & cribbed some from a friend's wedding, asked florist to work within budget, just read that Whole Foods does flowers - may get boutonnieres (or follow this DIY) there; will probably get extra filler flowers from Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, or one of the local flower markets (on target)
• Save the Dates: handmade/ reused vintage postcards (maybe $30?)
• My shoes: half-price at Nordstrom!
• Wine/ beer: half-price at BevMo (a couple hundred over budget, because we don't want anyone to go home thirsty...)
• Favors: none, other than the fruit and flower centerpieces that guests will be encouraged to take home
• Decor: scored reusable paper lanterns and vases at friend's wedding, will use seasonal fruit, and white lights that we already own. Still in the market for some inexpensive votives...
• Invitations: local print shop does letterpress for the cost of flat printing (on target)
• Cake: on target
• Transportation: our own cars, lots of folks will stay on site

Where we've splurged

• Photography (2-3 times original budget, seems totally worth it)
• Dress (1.5 times original budget, ditto)
• Venue (not included in original budget, but significant cost)

Getting ahead of the curve
If, like TTO and a.mountain.bride, you begin your wedding planning blog before you are actually engaged, you can get ahead of the curve. I've learned so much from other blogs. Those clever girls can build relationships with vendors before they actually have to write deposit checks. TTO has mentioned that the generosity of vendors who found her through her blog helped with their wedding budget... I'm eager to hear more. Blogging helped us get a free engagement photo session, with the sparkling Rosaura Sandoval,who gave away a few free sessions to so that she could build her portfolio, I was the lucky recipient of a free plan-your-ceremony book, given away by a blogging bride.

To sum up, the main budget lessons I've learned are:

• Start a blog
• Prioritize, prioritize, prioritize, and network
• Let the rest go

Ya know, that's also pretty good advice for life.

Wed Head

Do you ever get this?

If my day starts with wedding-related stuff (today it was cake tasting - yum!), it is ridiculously hard to switch back to the serious, theoretical pre-professor I'm supposed to be. (Not quite a prof, but I play one on TV ;-) ).


Rather than focusing on that chapter I'm supposed to finish, visions of sugar plums, and tinted icing, and raspberry filling, and sugar silkscreened postcards are dancing through my head. Along with rings, and a dress-fitting, and the invitation design, and flowers, and centerpieces... oh, and the ceremony! Right now (four months out), there seems to be a lot to do, with all of it demanding attention.

I've got a bad case of wed head.

That said, I think we've found our baker, the lovely Edith Meyer. We met her at her 1921 Craftsman house that sits in the middle of a gorgeous fruit and vegetable garden, and sampled a delectable array of cakes and icings.

She works with locally-sourced organic ingredients, organic fair-trade chocolate, and free-range organic eggs. (The fair-trade chocolate is a huge bonus because much of the world's supply of chocolate comes from West Africa, where the production of chocolate often depends on child slavery. Ah, yes, briefly coming back to my pedantic profession. I learned the hard facts about chocolate only last summer, from a colleague. These little facts can help us become more conscious consumers...)

Back to sugarplums... Edith's cakes are not only socially-responsible, they're downright gorgeous, with a clean, modern aesthetic.



She copied the design on the bride's gown for this one.

Though we've steered away from the Alice in Wonderland theme idea (despite the fact that it would incorporate croquet and make a great play on my name) this cake captures the ideas that we discussed with her the best.

Edith's blog

We walked in thinking that we would get a simple white cake decorated with flowers. After going to a cake tasting yesterday where every additional design element added twenty-five cents per serving to the cake cost, we were in the mode of thinking conservatively in order to stay within our budget. However, Edith's pricing system is different, and she encouraged us to think outside of the (round) box. She worked hard to brainstorm with us to figure out what sorts of themes and ideas would represent us well.

When I mentioned the postcards that we used as Save The Dates and will probably use for table assignments, her eyes lit up. So the cake may incorporate design elements from the invitations that reflect our love of the outdoors, and pick up on the postcard theme to represent our love of travel. Woo-hoo!

I feel so fortunate to have met so many wonderfully skilled and creative people during the wedding planning process!

You want *what* color?

I've been obsessed with pomegranates ever since I was a kid, when I used my allowance to buy the rather pricey, exotic fruit at the local farmer's market. I loved the way the grainy texture of the skin contrasted with the sparkling jewels of seeds inside, and the way the luscious juice dyed my fingers red.

Dandelion Ranch

Here in California, they actually grow locally, and are plentiful (and cheap) during in the fall - an obvious choice for centerpieces on the wedding dining tables (especially since it's easier to come by organic fruit than flowers). Combined with local, organic persimmons from my BFF's backyard tree, they'll make a knock out combo.

Loop Flowers

Though florists are familiar with their decorating potential, it's been rather more difficult to explain to others that my wedding colors (as it were... ) are being dictated by persimmons and pomegranates.

Loop Flowers

Since I have champagne tastes on a beer budget, I'll probably be doing something more like this:

POM DIY

Hooray for DIY tutorials!

and more POM DIY here

A wedding fort

That's apparently what we're building in our dining room, with the boxes of wine (BevMo's half price sale prompted me to be more ahead of the curve than I've ever been in my life!), vases from eBay, vases from the 99 Cent Only store, paper lanterns borrowed from friends, and vintage mini mailboxes to go with the postcard decor. And we're still five months out...

Notes from the field: ceremony in a redwood grove

As you may recall from a week ago, I was privileged to attend an amazingly fun wedding in the Santa Cruz mountains, completed with bocce, Buddhist prayer flags, and a bonfire. I'm back with some pictures... clearly, I won't be competing with the pros anytime soon, but these give you a feeling for the loveliness of the site.

The ceremony took place in a redwood grove - such a perfectly peaceful setting. I'm a little envious. We considered holding our ceremony at a redwood grove, but the designated sites at Muir Woods, where we hiked the day we got engaged, accommodate only 30 people. (But - wow! - what a glorious site!)

In any case, the redwood grove at Pema Ose Ling was lovely, decorated with flowers and colorful paper lanterns.


A harpist provided the processional and recessional.

An effervescent minister, who clearly knew the couple very well, led the ceremony. Two of my favorite moments were the passing of the rings throughout the assembled friends and family, so that each person in attendance could bless them, and the Blessing in Seven Parts, offered by the parents of the bride and groom.

And the bubbles! Perfectly ethereal!



(and, PS - Data Monkey and Mountain Man: I'm definitely looking forward to your annual vow renewal/ wedding redux parties!!! That was too much fun to do just once!)

Notes from the field: bocce, a bonfire, and Buddhist prayer flags

I'm just back from the lead off to a marathon season of weddings, that culminates with ours in October. I dunno what's in the air this year (new administration? end of the decade? milestone birthdays? graduations?), but no fewer than eight couples in our extended social circle are getting married this year, and we're going to a handful of them. (We had to skip the Dutch/ Indian wedding in the Netherlands in early June because of plane fares. The rest are, fortunately, more local.)

I want to capture some of the highlights of this weekend's wedding before I forget. Pictures coming soon...

• The setting: This is one of the most important things to us, and clearly was to my friends - let's call them Data Monkey and Mountain Man - as well. They chose a spectacular Buddhist retreat center in the Santa Cruz mountains for a weekend-long celebration. Redwood trees, a firepit, hiking trails, a pond, Buddhist prayer flags, rolling lawns - just spectacular! Perhaps the spiritual Buddhist vibe of the place contributed to a serene, peaceful feeling. Plus, we were blessed with sunny, warm weather this weekend, making the setting all the more spectacular.

• The festivities: Friends and family who arrived on Friday were treated to a Moroccan dinner, lawn games, a couple kegs, and a bonfire. When we showed up midday on Saturday, Mountain Man was organizing a croquet game. The game went on until 3:00. The ceremony started promptly at 3:30!
  

• The lodging: Camping and cabins on-site meant that everyone could hang out and get to know each other, change from casual clothes to fancy ones easily, and enjoy the setting. Plus, no worries about driving at the end of a late night. For our wedding, we've got on-site hostel accommodations for about a quarter of our guests. I wish there were a way to lodge everyone nearby, because it really added to the communal feel of the event.

• The vibe: When we showed up, two hours before the ceremony, Data Monkey, the bride, was driving around the site, attending to some last minute details in jeans and a t-shirt, looking completely at ease and happy. I wish I had a photo of her when we first met up - she was so joyful and peaceful. I've got to seer this image into my memory - this is how I want to be on my wedding day. (However, past performance is a likely predictor of future results. I need to work on the grounding and focus in the next five months.)

• The flowers: Data Monkey bought $100 of California-grown flowers at Trader Joe's the morning of the wedding! Friends and family helped her put them in vases that she had borrowed from another recently married friend. The flowers were gorgeous - so fresh, vibrant and seasonal. Data Monkey had planned to order flowers from California Organics, but they were unable to deliver because of the Mother's Day holiday. TJ's flowers were a great choice!

• The decor: Tons of colored paper lanterns lent a festive air, along with the bright flowers and votive holders filled with brightly colored candies (Skittles and M&Ms - a huge hit!). Small potted plants - rosemary and succulents - decorated each dinner table. The couple encouraged guests to take home the flowers and potted plants. They offered us the paper lanterns and a bunch of small vases to use at our wedding. One more item off the wedding To Do list!
  

• The favors: This is the endless debate on the bridal blogs. This couple had favors that were useful. Because there were no servers at the buffet dinner, the couple put corkscrews at each place-setting, and bottles of both red and white wine on the table. That meant the guests could help themselves to the wine, and have a memento of the wedding. And, being huge readers, they created bookmarks with 101 recommended books! So cute!
  

• The dress: Wow! A lace-up corset top creates an incredibly flattering shape. Just wow.

More on the ceremony, the dancing, and the honeymoon coming soon...

Fine dining, finally

For five years, I lived in an apartment without a dining room. Entertaining was limited to brunch in the backyard, because the picnic table could seat more than the tiny cafe table in the kitchen.



I finally got a dining room in Dec. when I moved into an actual house with Mr. Barefoot.

However, years of the peripatetic student life had left us both with only a few sticks of furniture. And certainly no table with presence enough to fill our sunlit dining room.

Enter the Wooden Duck's moving sale. If you need furniture, and you're in the Bay Area, you can't get there soon enough! Did I mention this stuff is HALF OFF?!?! Beautiful solid wood, sustainable furniture for half price - or less! They were selling a bunch of pine chair for $30 each.

The Wooden Duck makes beautiful furniture from recycled, reclaimed wood. This is solid, high quality stuff that will last forever, and no forests were destroyed to make it. Plus, the aged wood has a special patina, and suffers less from shrinking and warping.

We found the most beautiful coffee table made from a huge slab of polished, recycled walnut, complete with sanded knots and burls, and a raw edge. It has such great organic style.

(like this, from here, as there are no images on the Wooden Duck's website.)

But even better is the dining table, made from recycled Douglas fir, probably from an old barn. This thing is SOLID. The tabletop must be two inches thick.

We picked out a bunch of simple, solid reclaimed teak chairs to go with it. The chairs, along with the sideboard, are going to get stained to match the table. All of this stuff was half price!

I can't wait until they're delivered.