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| Our Labor of Love |
To be wed in Marrakesh, amid camels, candles and loved ones... now there's an adventure! More here.
Oh, and: the bride didn't wear white! Check it, Sera.
Showing posts with label wedding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wedding. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Breath-taking
To be wed in Marrakesh, amid camels, candles and loved ones... now there's an adventure! More here.
Oh, and: the bride didn't wear white! Check it, Sera.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Recap #7: From Inspiration to Reality
As I was cleaning out the no-longer-needed wedding inspiration files on my computer and browser, I was pleased to see how the inspirational images I'd saved - mostly, I think, from that bottomless jar of eye-candy, Style Me Pretty* - were born out in reality. Though I despaired of ever creating a wedding that could live up to the ethereal images on SMP with a down-to-earth budget, these show that a little ingenuity, and a great photographer, can converge to bring on the pretty.
Inspiration
Reality
We rented enough chairs for all the adults, and spread out beach blankets for the kids. They got to have fun digging in the sand during the ceremony.
Inspiration
Reality
Inspiration
Reality
Inspiration
Reality
Inspiration
Bright, bold blooms would energize the rustic setting, and echo the wedding party's bright colors...
Reality
Dahlias were lush, local, and seasonal!
Inspiration
Reality
Ok, one big difference between a SMP wedding and a DIY/ DIT one is the bushels of flowers. I think we vastly under-ordered on the flowers, but they just weren't important enough to spend gobs of money on.
Inspiration
Reality
In the final analysis, though, I like my bouquet even more than the inspiration photo! Even more so because our florist adapted to the strict National Park restrictions to ensure that non-native plants could not invade the park. (It occurs to me that I have absolutely no idea what happened to it after the wedding - flowers are so ephemeral. Against all bridal tradition, we might have composted it! Hopefully, the nutrients are returning to the soil, so that they and the love of that day can nourish flowers for someone else's wedding.)
*I no longer have the links or correct attributions for the inspiration photos. If one of them is yours, please let me know and I'll post a link or remove, as you request.
*I no longer have the links or correct attributions for the inspiration photos. If one of them is yours, please let me know and I'll post a link or remove, as you request.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Old world elegance
I believe that's what we were aiming for here. It's not a common idiom for us - goofy is more like it - but rediscovering this image among the 944 (!) that Kate Harrison sent us makes me want to frame it.
Having just returned from a two week trip to Italy - Milan, Turin, Venice, Florence - we may now be slightly more in touch with our elegant selves.* Italians are unbelievably stylish and sophisticated. Everywhere we went, I was admiring the elegant ensembles of men and women alike. I never saw anyone looking sloppy or less than put together. California-casual doesn't promote such elegance - if you're not wearing flip flops, you're formal enough to go just about anywhere - but I'd like to absorb a bit of Italian style.
*A perk of academic life is being invited to give lectures in exotic locales, and getting your travel expenses paid! Eric scored a sweet deal when a senior colleague was unavailable for the engagement.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Recap #3: An officiant for the pan-religionist and the agnostic
The tradition of marrying within one's faith, as a member of religious community, certainly simplifies the decisions about where and by whom to be married. But what if you're a dabbler in many religions /practitioner of none (me) or an agnostic-leaning-atheist (him)?We settled the location question with the closest thing we have to religion: a deep, shared love for the outdoors, and chose a place that had personal meaning to us. That it was gorgeous and nearby were huge bonuses.
Now that we had the place, who would preside? This was one of the hardest decisions of the wedding planning process, and the one that took the longest to nail down. We considered a Buddhist teacher I'd met at a retreat once. He had great humor and flair, and plenty of wise insights. But we wanted the wedding to comprise people who really know us, and this teacher probably wouldn't recognize me if we ran into each other on a crowded San Francisco street. Next...
My mother, the ordained minister? A seemingly obvious choice. But I wanted my mom to be my mom that day, not worried about conducting a service, and I didn't want to exclude Eric's non-religious family.
Finally, we settled on each choosing one opposite gender friend to co-officiate (he would select a female friend, I would select a guy). It seemed very balanced and progressive and community-oriented. His friend said 'yes.' I dilly-dallied and procrastinated about asking mine. The summer crept along. Then we found out that his friend was going through a personally challenging time, and wouldn't be able to officiate.
Then we found out that my friend was facing a personally challenging time, as well. Did I dare add additional stress to his life by asking him to officiate? I hoped he would see it as the great honor that we meant it to be, but I worried that it would unnecessarily complicate his life (though as we know, a wedding is not an imposition).
Much to my relief, he agreed to officiate (after quickly becoming a minister of the Universal Life Church Monastery), on the condition that Eric and I put together the ceremony so that he would simply serve as its Master of Ceremonies and organizer.
And what an MC he was! He knew well how long and circuitous the journey to this particular moment had been - his voice cracked with emotion more frequently than mine! To me, that truly honored the gravity of the commitment we were making, far more than someone whose experience with such ceremonies would cause them to be practiced and smooth. I feel privileged knowing we are (probably) the only people ever to have the honor of being married by this friend.And, I will have to start studying hard to repay my debt in kind: do you know, he asked after the ceremony, how difficult it will be will be to find a rabbi for my son's bar mitzvah?
Friday, February 26, 2010
Recap #2: Walking to the Beach
The walk to the beach had to be my favorite part of the day. It was like having a bit of the reception BEFORE the ceremony, which allowed the jitters to subside. As I said to my mom before the Big Day, I knew if I had only a 50 foot aisle to walk down, I'd be freaking out by the time I reached the officiant. But with 3/4 mile hike, I had plenty of time to get grounded, take deep breaths, trade quips about married life with my Women of Honor, hang out with my family, and tease the Flower Children. What a better way to spend the wedding day than going for hike with all my favorite people!
We set out from the reception site, down a step flight of wooden steps. Thank goodness I was wearing my sparkly gold wedding flip-flops. No way I could've negotiated that in heels!
Across a parking lot...
Along a trail toward the beach...
Eventually rounding a corner toward the beach.
By the time we reached the beach, where our guests had gathered, I felt calm and ready.
Photos 1,5,7,8 Kate Harrison; Photos 2,3,4 Rob; Photo 6 Srabani
We set out from the reception site, down a step flight of wooden steps. Thank goodness I was wearing my sparkly gold wedding flip-flops. No way I could've negotiated that in heels!
Across a parking lot...
Along a trail toward the beach...
Eventually rounding a corner toward the beach.
By the time we reached the beach, where our guests had gathered, I felt calm and ready.
Photos 1,5,7,8 Kate Harrison; Photos 2,3,4 Rob; Photo 6 Srabani
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Recap #1: Getting Ready
With the post-wedding tasks nearly finished - a final batch of thank you notes went out this week - I have enough distance from the day to try to tell the story before I forget it completely.
We stayed at home the night before the wedding. Since our wedding was local, it didn't make much sense to stay anywhere else. The day started in a typical fashion: Eric was up and bustling about before I'd even rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. He was to be the point person at the wedding site, and wanted to get there early to start directing friends and family in the set-up.
Meanwhile, I scored the better end of the deal, starting my day with a few languid Sun Salutations, and breakfast on the deck while the fog cleared, as I waited for my long-time hairstylist to do my hair and makeup. Right on schedule, she appeared around the side of the house, toting a huge rolling suitcase full of styling tools.
Here, I point out that it's helpful to have a consistent relationship with a hairstylist: she charged her usual hourly rate - not some crazy inflated wedding price - for the hair trial and day-of hair (and threw in makeup application, using goodies I'd purchased at a MAC makeover, as a wedding day gift!).
As she set to curling and pinning, my two Women of Honor showed up, along with the Flower Girl and an incredible painting - now in the place of honor on our mantel - by the mother of one of them, a noted artist. I have admired her paintings forever, and was stunned by their generosity.
With my face and hair fancied up, we headed for the wedding site with my 'backup dress.' Two other friends were to pick up the wedding dress at the salon that morning, to avoid the hassles of having to hang it in a closet in our small house. But just in case something went awry, I brought the first dress - the simple one I had purchased online - back before I got in touch with my Inner Bride.
Fortunately, the dress pick up went without a hitch, and the dress was hanging in a spare room when we reached the wedding site.
The Women of Honor, and other Ladies in Waiting, worked on the zillions of button with a crochet hook.
Eventually, I was buttoned into my dress, photographed,
and hurried downstairs to meet Eric, to begin the walk to the beach, with our families, the Women of Honor, and the Flower Children.
Photos 1,2,3 by Srabani, 4 by Rob, 5 by Kate Harrison.
We stayed at home the night before the wedding. Since our wedding was local, it didn't make much sense to stay anywhere else. The day started in a typical fashion: Eric was up and bustling about before I'd even rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. He was to be the point person at the wedding site, and wanted to get there early to start directing friends and family in the set-up.
Meanwhile, I scored the better end of the deal, starting my day with a few languid Sun Salutations, and breakfast on the deck while the fog cleared, as I waited for my long-time hairstylist to do my hair and makeup. Right on schedule, she appeared around the side of the house, toting a huge rolling suitcase full of styling tools.
Here, I point out that it's helpful to have a consistent relationship with a hairstylist: she charged her usual hourly rate - not some crazy inflated wedding price - for the hair trial and day-of hair (and threw in makeup application, using goodies I'd purchased at a MAC makeover, as a wedding day gift!).
As she set to curling and pinning, my two Women of Honor showed up, along with the Flower Girl and an incredible painting - now in the place of honor on our mantel - by the mother of one of them, a noted artist. I have admired her paintings forever, and was stunned by their generosity.
With my face and hair fancied up, we headed for the wedding site with my 'backup dress.' Two other friends were to pick up the wedding dress at the salon that morning, to avoid the hassles of having to hang it in a closet in our small house. But just in case something went awry, I brought the first dress - the simple one I had purchased online - back before I got in touch with my Inner Bride.
Fortunately, the dress pick up went without a hitch, and the dress was hanging in a spare room when we reached the wedding site.
The Women of Honor, and other Ladies in Waiting, worked on the zillions of button with a crochet hook.
Eventually, I was buttoned into my dress, photographed,
and hurried downstairs to meet Eric, to begin the walk to the beach, with our families, the Women of Honor, and the Flower Children.
Photos 1,2,3 by Srabani, 4 by Rob, 5 by Kate Harrison.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Gift registry lessons learned
Does this look like a wedding gift? Hooray for the modern age!We've received several in the past couple weeks. Perhaps people got busy with the holidays, and then started the new year by crossing things off their To Do lists. I know I've always been one to stretch the idea of "a full year to give a wedding gift" to - and beyond - it's breaking point. And you know what they say about birds of a feather...
Those etiquette books that tell you to register for more things than seem reasonable are right - much to my surprise, nearly everything on our registry, except for the $600 set of fancy cooking pots, has been bought! When we were registering, I resisted Eric's efforts to continue adding things. I thought we'd look greedy. Turns out our friends and family are ridiculously generous.
In addition to lovely china, flatware, a bubbly water machine that allows us to forgo plastic bottles, and other home goodies, we ended up with a new climbing rope, bouldering crash pad, and tent!
Lesson learned: register for what you want, at a variety of "price points" as they say - you'll be surprised at what people want to give you for your wedding. And think of those cool little things that you'd love to have, but never get around to buying yourself. Like a set of upgraded tent stakes - or whatever suits your hobby.
We were also honored by several generous donations to our favorite charities. As somewhat established people with our own towels and knife sets (albeit cheapo grad student ones that could use upgrading), we didn't need that much stuff. Along with the gift registry information, we described our favorite causes on our wedding website, with links to the donation pages on the charities' websites. I was surprised, and honored, by the number of people who chose this route.
I was happy that our wedding could raise awareness of some important issues (we are passionate about land conservation and education for girls in the Himalayas), and be of benefit to the larger world. Some people gave both a gift to us, and a donation to one of our charities.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Godspeed, Team Matrimonial
Part of what made my journey toward the wedding extra special fun was that it was shared with four other couple friends: Data Monkey and Mountain Man Mike had the lead off last May. (We'll soon be going to a baby shower for those precocious kids!).
The wedding season really got rolling later in the summer, when the weddings of BootCamp, Dr. Cowgirl, and Doc Water and Doc Bee occurred in three consecutive months... leading up to the grand finale, Barefoot on the Beach Day, in late October.
The final three weddings were deeply intertwined. Doc Water and Dr. Cowgirl had been housemates in grad school and remain close friends. Doc Bee and Mr. Barefoot were grad school friends on the east coast, and both ended up in the Bay Area, where they collaborated on research projects. Dr. Cowgirl and I bonded during our first days of grad school when I admired her intricate ring, and I got to know Doc Water when they were housemates.
We were all at a dinner party, when Dr. Cowgirl's husband, the soon-to-be Dr. J, observed that he had never been at a party where everyone in attendance was married. All being newly married, none of the rest of us had either. Wow. Go, Team Matrimonial!
Sharing the ups and downs of the journey - as well as paper lanterns, twinkling lights, vases, invitation beta, decor tricks, registry advice, dress shopping expeditions, minor freakouts and hair styling tips - with these lovely folks made it ever so much more sweet and memorable.*
It was bittersweet, then, to bid Doc Water and Doc Bee farewell last night, as they gave away their house plants and cleaning products, and urged us to down what remained of their liquor cabinet, as they prepared to point their car east and begin new jobs in a distant southern metropolis.
Too soon, too soon! We just finished celebrating! Sometimes being a grownup kinda sucks.
*especially, perhaps, because I don't have sisters -- these ladies filled in on the pre-wedding girl-talk.
The wedding season really got rolling later in the summer, when the weddings of BootCamp, Dr. Cowgirl, and Doc Water and Doc Bee occurred in three consecutive months... leading up to the grand finale, Barefoot on the Beach Day, in late October.
The final three weddings were deeply intertwined. Doc Water and Dr. Cowgirl had been housemates in grad school and remain close friends. Doc Bee and Mr. Barefoot were grad school friends on the east coast, and both ended up in the Bay Area, where they collaborated on research projects. Dr. Cowgirl and I bonded during our first days of grad school when I admired her intricate ring, and I got to know Doc Water when they were housemates.
We were all at a dinner party, when Dr. Cowgirl's husband, the soon-to-be Dr. J, observed that he had never been at a party where everyone in attendance was married. All being newly married, none of the rest of us had either. Wow. Go, Team Matrimonial!
Sharing the ups and downs of the journey - as well as paper lanterns, twinkling lights, vases, invitation beta, decor tricks, registry advice, dress shopping expeditions, minor freakouts and hair styling tips - with these lovely folks made it ever so much more sweet and memorable.*
It was bittersweet, then, to bid Doc Water and Doc Bee farewell last night, as they gave away their house plants and cleaning products, and urged us to down what remained of their liquor cabinet, as they prepared to point their car east and begin new jobs in a distant southern metropolis.
Too soon, too soon! We just finished celebrating! Sometimes being a grownup kinda sucks.
*especially, perhaps, because I don't have sisters -- these ladies filled in on the pre-wedding girl-talk.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Joy
What we did:
How we felt:
It just makes you dizzy...
Hard to believe that it's been a month already!Sunday, November 22, 2009
How green was our wedding?
I'm still having a hard time digesting our glorious Beach Day into bite-size pieces suitable for blog-serving. It was epic. It was metaphysically earth-shaking. It was one of the most beautiful days ever. How do I take that and turn it into blog recaps? I don't yet know.
I do want to share what we did, and what we learned in this space, eventually. When we first started planning the wedding, I was lost at sea, awash in an overwhelming number of opinions, options, and "musts." The sane voices out there were such a welcome respite from all the gauzy images and lists of must dos (on which I was eternally behind!). I want to add our experience to the catalog of sanity.
It was important to us to have a wedding in line with our daily values, as environmental professionals. I've found tips for sane and green weddings all over the web. Before the wedding, I started to compare our plans with this list of eco-chic wedding tips from San Francisco Style Unveiled. Herewith, some more of the results:
26. Order your programs to be printed on 100% recycled post
consumer waste paper that has been processed without chlorine.
hmmm... Mr. Barefoot got them printed at the local print shop. Not sure what kind of paper was used. I'd have to say, though, forgoing programs entirely would probably be a more eco-friendly alternative. As I wrote here, unless the ceremony is in a religious tradition that many guests are unfamiliar with, it's not like there's so much going on that people can't keep track of it.
27. Rather than hosting a full bar, have a personalized cocktail made of organic ingredients – including organic vodka.
Fail. Beer, wine and gin were from BevMo. Sometimes, convenience rules.
29. Use food that is in-season for the reception.
Check. Katie Powers Catering focuses on local, organic, seasonal food that is shockingly delicious! People are still talking about the food!
30. Keep the wedding small. The more guests you invite, the bigger the carbon footprint left from the wedding.
Define 'small.' It all depends on your point of view. For folks with huge, gregarious families, a 100-person wedding might seem small. From my point of view, it was by far the biggest party I'd ever thrown.
31. Donate the flowers from your wedding to a hospital.
Or how 'bout you guests? All the flowers and vases went home with guests. Check.
32. Give each guest an 11-watt compact fluorescent bulb as a favor. Each replaced 50-watt incandescent bulb with the wedding favor will save 685 pounds of carbon dioxide.
Neat idea. Maybe next time...
33. Give a recycled handmade paper bookmark with wildflower seeds as a favor. This can be planted once they are finished using it.
Check. Something like that... we gave these birdseed hearts - the guests can share the love with our feathered friends. I'm not convinced that favors are absolutely necessary, but these were so cute, and in keeping with Mr. Barefoot's love of birds, that they felt right.
34. Purchase wedding shoes that you will wear again.
Oh, yeah, baby. Can't wait to wear the Jimmy's to holiday parties!!! That's why I bought 'em. Check.
35. Use a caterer who composts the leftover food.
hmmm.... honestly, I have no idea what they did with the leftover food. I would have been really stoked to bring home a doggie bag or two - it was that good!
36. Use locally grown flowers for your arrangements.
Check. Hooray for Local Flora! I have to show you her gorgeous arrangements.
37. Throw rose petals after the ceremony, rather than releasing butterflies.
Or nothing. Our national park beach location precluded throwing or releasing anything, which was just fine with me. Who wants to pick birdseed out of your hair on your wedding night? Check.
38. Give antique wedding bands to each other.
See #47.
39. Have your invitations made on bamboo paper.
How 'bout cotton paper, with some post-consumer content?
40. If you want to have a camera at each table for guests to use, rent the digital ones rather than single use.
Check. How many dozens of digital cameras were flashing that day??? We did get some single use cameras at the dollar store for the kids to play with. Quite a lot of fun for them. I wonder how many pictures of knees we have.
41. Travel by train, rather than by plane.
Does taking BART to try on my wedding dress count?
42. Purchase your dress or tuxedo from a vintage boutique.
Fail. New stuff all the way. Mr. Barefoot got a swanky handmade suit; my dress was from a bridal boutique. His suit is clearly re-wearable, which is how I convinced him to get a new one for the wedding (he was fine with wearing one of his two current suits). My dress, not so much. The question now is what to do with it? Initially, I had thought I'd donate it to Brides Against Breast Cancer, or possibly sell it, but I'm feeling more sentimental post-wedding. And I really want to wear it again < blushes >. Suggestions?
43. Take an eco-considerate honeymoon. Travel close to home or consider eco-tourism for your honeymoon destination.
Does hiking and whale-watching count? Patagonia, here we come!!!
44. Consider having a meat-free menu at your reception.
Check. I think everyone survived. I didn't hear any complaints. See #29.
45. Have an outdoor ceremony and reception.
Check, on the ceremony. The reception was indoors.
46. Hire vendors who are committed to being “green” and providing sustainable wedding practices.
Check. The best!
47. Purchase a conflict-free gem for your engagement ring.
Check. Love Brilliant Earth!
48. Live green after the wedding.
Working on it. The next initiative: cutting down on the use of paper towels and plastic containers.
49. Give organic chocolate as a favor.
Yum. Great idea. See #33.
50. Use all local wedding vendors.
Check.
I do want to share what we did, and what we learned in this space, eventually. When we first started planning the wedding, I was lost at sea, awash in an overwhelming number of opinions, options, and "musts." The sane voices out there were such a welcome respite from all the gauzy images and lists of must dos (on which I was eternally behind!). I want to add our experience to the catalog of sanity.
It was important to us to have a wedding in line with our daily values, as environmental professionals. I've found tips for sane and green weddings all over the web. Before the wedding, I started to compare our plans with this list of eco-chic wedding tips from San Francisco Style Unveiled. Herewith, some more of the results:
26. Order your programs to be printed on 100% recycled post
consumer waste paper that has been processed without chlorine.
hmmm... Mr. Barefoot got them printed at the local print shop. Not sure what kind of paper was used. I'd have to say, though, forgoing programs entirely would probably be a more eco-friendly alternative. As I wrote here, unless the ceremony is in a religious tradition that many guests are unfamiliar with, it's not like there's so much going on that people can't keep track of it.
27. Rather than hosting a full bar, have a personalized cocktail made of organic ingredients – including organic vodka.
Fail. Beer, wine and gin were from BevMo. Sometimes, convenience rules.
29. Use food that is in-season for the reception.
Check. Katie Powers Catering focuses on local, organic, seasonal food that is shockingly delicious! People are still talking about the food!
30. Keep the wedding small. The more guests you invite, the bigger the carbon footprint left from the wedding.
Define 'small.' It all depends on your point of view. For folks with huge, gregarious families, a 100-person wedding might seem small. From my point of view, it was by far the biggest party I'd ever thrown.
31. Donate the flowers from your wedding to a hospital.
Or how 'bout you guests? All the flowers and vases went home with guests. Check.
32. Give each guest an 11-watt compact fluorescent bulb as a favor. Each replaced 50-watt incandescent bulb with the wedding favor will save 685 pounds of carbon dioxide.
Neat idea. Maybe next time...
33. Give a recycled handmade paper bookmark with wildflower seeds as a favor. This can be planted once they are finished using it.
Check. Something like that... we gave these birdseed hearts - the guests can share the love with our feathered friends. I'm not convinced that favors are absolutely necessary, but these were so cute, and in keeping with Mr. Barefoot's love of birds, that they felt right.
34. Purchase wedding shoes that you will wear again.
Oh, yeah, baby. Can't wait to wear the Jimmy's to holiday parties!!! That's why I bought 'em. Check.
35. Use a caterer who composts the leftover food.
hmmm.... honestly, I have no idea what they did with the leftover food. I would have been really stoked to bring home a doggie bag or two - it was that good!
36. Use locally grown flowers for your arrangements.
Check. Hooray for Local Flora! I have to show you her gorgeous arrangements.
37. Throw rose petals after the ceremony, rather than releasing butterflies.
Or nothing. Our national park beach location precluded throwing or releasing anything, which was just fine with me. Who wants to pick birdseed out of your hair on your wedding night? Check.
38. Give antique wedding bands to each other.
See #47.
39. Have your invitations made on bamboo paper.
How 'bout cotton paper, with some post-consumer content?
40. If you want to have a camera at each table for guests to use, rent the digital ones rather than single use.
Check. How many dozens of digital cameras were flashing that day??? We did get some single use cameras at the dollar store for the kids to play with. Quite a lot of fun for them. I wonder how many pictures of knees we have.
41. Travel by train, rather than by plane.
Does taking BART to try on my wedding dress count?
42. Purchase your dress or tuxedo from a vintage boutique.
Fail. New stuff all the way. Mr. Barefoot got a swanky handmade suit; my dress was from a bridal boutique. His suit is clearly re-wearable, which is how I convinced him to get a new one for the wedding (he was fine with wearing one of his two current suits). My dress, not so much. The question now is what to do with it? Initially, I had thought I'd donate it to Brides Against Breast Cancer, or possibly sell it, but I'm feeling more sentimental post-wedding. And I really want to wear it again < blushes >. Suggestions?
43. Take an eco-considerate honeymoon. Travel close to home or consider eco-tourism for your honeymoon destination.
Does hiking and whale-watching count? Patagonia, here we come!!!
44. Consider having a meat-free menu at your reception.
Check. I think everyone survived. I didn't hear any complaints. See #29.
45. Have an outdoor ceremony and reception.
Check, on the ceremony. The reception was indoors.
46. Hire vendors who are committed to being “green” and providing sustainable wedding practices.
Check. The best!
47. Purchase a conflict-free gem for your engagement ring.
Check. Love Brilliant Earth!
48. Live green after the wedding.
Working on it. The next initiative: cutting down on the use of paper towels and plastic containers.
49. Give organic chocolate as a favor.
Yum. Great idea. See #33.
50. Use all local wedding vendors.
Check.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Love in the age of Facebook
While cleaning out my email in-box, post wedding, I came across this message:
It made me wonder: do people going around "spousing" those they are not married to?
Could I "spouse" a bunch of friends to make a simultaneous stand for marriage equality, and for polyamory?
If FB allows same-sex couples to spouse each other, is FB implicitly making a stand for same-sex marriage? Have opponents of same-sex marriage realized this, and if so, will they start to boycott Facebook?
Does the legal definition of marriage in the state or country where a user is based determine who they can "spouse"?
In a country that allows polygymy, would men be able to spouse more people than in a country that does not?
Who needs the New York Times Weddings section when you've got Facebook??? Not only is there waaaay more information on our FB pages than in the genteel bios of the Style section, but now my far-flung friends also know of our new status.
Eric said on Facebook that you two are married. We need you to confirm that you are, in fact, married to Eric.
To confirm this relationship request, follow the link below:
http://www.facebook.com/n/?home
It made me wonder: do people going around "spousing" those they are not married to?
Could I "spouse" a bunch of friends to make a simultaneous stand for marriage equality, and for polyamory?
If FB allows same-sex couples to spouse each other, is FB implicitly making a stand for same-sex marriage? Have opponents of same-sex marriage realized this, and if so, will they start to boycott Facebook?
Does the legal definition of marriage in the state or country where a user is based determine who they can "spouse"?
In a country that allows polygymy, would men be able to spouse more people than in a country that does not?
Who needs the New York Times Weddings section when you've got Facebook??? Not only is there waaaay more information on our FB pages than in the genteel bios of the Style section, but now my far-flung friends also know of our new status.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
A wedding hike
I had very few particular dreams about my wedding. However, I'd always known that I wanted to be barefoot: grounded to the earth, and bare-headed: open to the sky.
These requirements meant that the wedding had to be outdoors. I had dreamed of getting married high on a bluff, reflecting our love of the mountains, but we knew that for the comfort of our younger and older guests, this was not to be. When we found a reception site less than a mile from the beach (itself a few miles from where we got engaged), it was clearly the ideal spot. The location was even more special because I had once worked on the land, restoring native plants to the area.
We could incorporate our love of hiking and the outdoors into the ceremony, by inviting guests to park at the reception site, and stroll 20 minutes down to the beach.
While Beach Day dawned sunny and bright, the fog moved in at midday, obscuring my vision of the 'perfect' day. My friends insisted that the fog added a romantic, ethereal touch. I tried to believe them. The previous day's rehearsal had been hot and sunny. Where was that weather when we needed it???
But where is the beach? On a clear day, you can see the waves from this point.
Not only was it foggy, it was chilly. Our guests are bundled up in heavy coats!
Such dense fog! Those faint white lines at the top of the photo are chairs at the ceremony site on the beach. From the crest of the path, you can see the beach, and Rodeo Lagoon, separated from the ocean by a thin strip of sand.
Oh, there are the chairs! But where are the waves??? The fog is so thick you can hardly see the water from the beach.
The walk to the beach was one of the very best parts of an utterly fantastic day. The festivities had officially begun, but we weren't yet in deeply in the swirl of it. It was just the nearest and dearest, out for a hike, albeit in fancy clothes.
Two of my oldest friends - my Ladies in Waiting, as they dubbed themselves - helped carry the back of my dress, keeping me from fleeing, we joked.
"This is surreal. I don't feel like myself," I said, struggling to remain calm.
"This is a ritual moment of transition. You're not supposed to feel like yourself," one of the Ladies sagely responded.
Guests gathered in the gloom on the beach.
When guests reached the beach, they could kick off their shoes and wiggle their toes in the sand. I wore spangled flip-flops for the walk, replacing them with the glorious Jimmy Choos later for dancing.
Here we come... The fog is lifting! Hooray!
Fog lifting over the lagoon....
The last wisps of fog are vanquished by the warm, autumn sunshine!
An apt metaphor for love.
Thanks to guests Madeleine and Srabani for the photos!
These requirements meant that the wedding had to be outdoors. I had dreamed of getting married high on a bluff, reflecting our love of the mountains, but we knew that for the comfort of our younger and older guests, this was not to be. When we found a reception site less than a mile from the beach (itself a few miles from where we got engaged), it was clearly the ideal spot. The location was even more special because I had once worked on the land, restoring native plants to the area.
We could incorporate our love of hiking and the outdoors into the ceremony, by inviting guests to park at the reception site, and stroll 20 minutes down to the beach.
While Beach Day dawned sunny and bright, the fog moved in at midday, obscuring my vision of the 'perfect' day. My friends insisted that the fog added a romantic, ethereal touch. I tried to believe them. The previous day's rehearsal had been hot and sunny. Where was that weather when we needed it???
But where is the beach? On a clear day, you can see the waves from this point.
Not only was it foggy, it was chilly. Our guests are bundled up in heavy coats!
Such dense fog! Those faint white lines at the top of the photo are chairs at the ceremony site on the beach. From the crest of the path, you can see the beach, and Rodeo Lagoon, separated from the ocean by a thin strip of sand.
Oh, there are the chairs! But where are the waves??? The fog is so thick you can hardly see the water from the beach.
The walk to the beach was one of the very best parts of an utterly fantastic day. The festivities had officially begun, but we weren't yet in deeply in the swirl of it. It was just the nearest and dearest, out for a hike, albeit in fancy clothes.
Two of my oldest friends - my Ladies in Waiting, as they dubbed themselves - helped carry the back of my dress, keeping me from fleeing, we joked.
"This is surreal. I don't feel like myself," I said, struggling to remain calm.
"This is a ritual moment of transition. You're not supposed to feel like yourself," one of the Ladies sagely responded.
Guests gathered in the gloom on the beach.
When guests reached the beach, they could kick off their shoes and wiggle their toes in the sand. I wore spangled flip-flops for the walk, replacing them with the glorious Jimmy Choos later for dancing.
Here we come... The fog is lifting! Hooray!
Fog lifting over the lagoon....
The last wisps of fog are vanquished by the warm, autumn sunshine!
An apt metaphor for love.
Thanks to guests Madeleine and Srabani for the photos!
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