Telling stories

When I started teaching, I was alarmed to learn that a female student had been dissuaded from particular areas of study by a senior professor who suggested that women were too enmeshed in the pragmatics of daily life to do the abstract theorizing necessary for higher scholarship.  All my years of egalitarian experience slammed into the brick wall of outmoded attitudes about bodies and gender.  As if living back in the Renaissance, scholars were supposed to be disembodied minds, removed from the material world, while women were consigned to the material world through the necessity of their bodies.

Apparently, this professor hadn't heard of the theorizing that arises from personal experience.  Somehow, the notion that the personal is political had not infiltrated that particular ivory tower.

Fortunately, though, the blogosphere gives us a broad platform for telling women's stories - not only of weddings, but of marriages, careers and daily lives - and showing,through concrete example, how the personal and political intersect and shape one another.  Telling stories is a concrete form of activism, a way of taking up space, giving voice to our experience, and saying that it matters.

Today, there are two spectacular stories about power, and change, and women's lives.  You must read How Love Can Heal and Anna (of Accordians and Lace) on Idiosyncratic Skills.  These are stories of the hardscrabble lives of women who probably have more useful, world-changing wisdom and insight in their little fingers than that ivory tower professor accumulated in countless years of theorizing.

Quite a surprise

Apparently, my little piece o' blog-estate has been noticed readers and a panel of 5 judges*, who have determined that it is one of the Top 50 Wedding Blogs**.

Wow.  Thanks, folks.  I'm honored that someone took time to notice this little blog, and commend it... 'specially since I haven't been so on top of posting lately.

I've added a neat-o badge over there on the right to commemorate this auspicious day in the life of my blog. (We're growing up, honey.  Survived that first year, got past the post-wedding doldrums.  And now our persistence and pluckiness has been recognized. The sky's the limit!)

This is good motivation to get back onto a regular posting schedule, too.  After all, we can't rest on our laurels.  Got to live up to our new rep.  With that in mind, I've got an awesome oh-so-sustainable wedding to share with you, as well as some updates about my jaunts this summer (you can see a lot of the world when you're not obsessed with wedding planning!).

*This award is given by Online Schools, which appears to be a clearinghouse for information about what we in the academic world call "distance education," a topic about which I have mixed feelings, as my department considers how we might expand in this area.  Online Schools also sees "individual blogs as classes, and the posts as courses, and the bloggers as professors."  So, welcome to class!  Although academia doesn't tend to value this kind of informal writing (heaven forefend if my department knew I blogged about something as commonplace as weddings), the Intertubes do, and I'm glad to have this outlet.


**Yeah, even your personally-biased author here knows that's a bit of a stretch, but it's nice to be mentioned in the same breath with the big girls, like A Practical Wedding, Wedding Cabaret, Offbeat Bride and SMP. Holy cow!  Thanks again!

Vote Early and Often!

If you read this blog, it's likely that you also read some of the blogs that have inspired me, like The Broke-Ass Bride and A Los Angeles Love.  Back when I didn't think any one even noticed me, Broke-Ass was one of the very first commenters on this blog... to remind newbie blogger me that I needed to provide attribution of my sources of inspiration, including things I saw on her blog (ooops!  Thanks for the head's up on this rookie mistake!)

Dana, the original Broke-Ass Bride, consistently provides funny, thoughtful and eco-friendly commentary on planning a wedding on a budget.  Becca, of A Los Angeles Love, articulates a lot of the thoughts I've had about weddings and marriage with way more eloquence, insight and raw honesty than I've been able to muster.  I've enjoyed following their journeys, and appreciate the individual ways that each of these bloggers has used the lens of her individual challenges in wedding planning to provide insight into the larger phenomenon of planning a wedding in the US in the early 21st century. 

Both of these talented writers are among the finalists for the Wedding Channel's Best Bridal Blog Award.  Vote here (every four hours) for your favorite!

Green? Really???

Seeing that some of my bloggy friends were vying for the Wedding Channels Bridal Blog Awards, I checked out the contenders.  It's exciting to see some of the awesome blogs that I've been reading ever since the first days of wedding planning being nominated for the title of 'best blog.'  I'm excited to see who wins!

But.... the category of Best Eco-Friendly Bridal blog is getting me down a bit.  Is this the best of the best when it to comes to planning an eco-friendly wedding???  Now, I love Green Wedding Shoes.  It's one of the few inspiration blogs I still read because the images are consistently gorgeous.  I've been reading it since... forever.... and a few sustainable weddings (including my own!) have been featured there.  But I never thought of it as an explicitly eco-friendly wedding blog. 

Are there no practical folks planning sustainable weddings?  Where are the offbeat eco-friendly brides and grooms?  We need stories and inspiration from real people, describing their successes and challenges in creating weddings that honor their love AND the Earth.  More stories like A Low Impact Wedding. 

Here's the challenge: it's time for those couples who are planning consciously eco-friendly weddings to step out of the background... come out of the forest... down from the mountain... out of the ocean... where ever you are hanging out, and share your stories of your green/ sustainable/ organic/ environmentally-conscious weddings.  If you've got one to share, I'll gladly feature it here.

From the beach to the mountains...

Rustic outdoorsy weddings are awesome no matter where they take place.  Jes of A Mountain Bride asked me to do a guest post while she was on her honeymoon.  I revealed my secret strategies for combining wedding planning and grad school.  Go check it out!

The Barefoot Philosophy

Summed up beautifully here.

Shout out to Mrs. and Mr. Un-bride!

If I read the signs right, this is the Un-bride's wedding weekend, so I'm taking a moment to wish her and Mr. UB all the best for a glorious, joyful, perfectly-imperfect celebration at the Palace of Fine Arts! It's a gorgeously sunny, clear weekend in Berkeley, so I imagine they are enjoying spectacular weather across the Bay.

The Un-bride's wedding blog was one of the first ones I read, and I was delighted to find that I wasn't the only one who hadn't been dreaming of my wedding since I was eight, and didn't have a huge bankroll for a blowout party. I felt like I'd found a kindred spirit when I read that the Un-bride had "never cared about (or for) weddings" and was "also broke," and yet was still having fun planning her wedding. She's shared a ton of awesome DIY projects, beautiful boots, and the inevitable ups and downs of wedding planning, all with an impeccable sense of humor (see waiters dressed as octopi).

I wish you two many, many wondrous years ahead! Thanks for letting us share the journey!
Congratulations!!!

I win!

How cute is that???

It's "Cow" by Ina of WalkingToJericho, and - holy cow! - I won it, thanks to the generosity of stationery designer Avis, at Avie Designs. Lucky me! It pretty much made my day to read that I'd won!

It was hard to decide which of WalkingToJericho's designs I liked best...

This would've been a great gift for my friend A.

Such a peaceful feeling to this one.

But Cow won my heart, with those big brown eyes, and will look perfect in my kitchen.

I'm so pleased to have found Avie Designs, after seeing Avis's wedding featured on A Practical Wedding. The wedding fiesta, with a sombrero cake, looked like such a blast, and I loved what she said about it: "the best week of my life." I wandered over to Avis's blog, and found that her stationery shop has Avie Designs, has tons of gorgeous stuff, much of it on 100% recycled paper, printed with soy inks!


Just the calling card for a barefoot website, no?


Love the pop of the yellow envelope with these 100% recycled invitations.


Yummy... I really need to write more letters. I'd be so excited to see this show up in the mail!

Why I travel

Continuing the interview by Eco-Yogini:

2. What is your most fantastic international “story” from all your fabulous travels?

It's hard to pick one! The best of all, perhaps, was when Mr. Barefoot came to visit me, halfway around the world, not once, but twice! Other memorable experiences were meeting the Crown Prince of Bhutan, and dancing with one of the four Queens. Some of my favorite episodes from my travel blog (sadly neglected ever since I started wedding planning) are here and here.

One of my favorite aspects of travel is seeing ordinary things in a new light. This happened to me a lot in Bhutan, where many people speak English, but have a totally different frame of reference from us in the US. The seeming similarity - hey, we speak the same language - embedded in profound difference - you do what? - led to a lot of amusing moments.

My assistant pointed out some plants he called pohdeydoh, and insisted that I should know what these very common plants were. Being a city girl, I'm not familiar with the growing forms of crops, and even less when they are named in another language. We went round and round, with my assistant assuring me that he was giving me the English name....until finally, oh, yeah, potato!

Another time, he excitedly pointed out 'pig food' to me. Again, as a city girl, I had no idea what pigs eat, and brushed off the comment as just another random piece of trivia. The assistant was insistent that I take a closer look at the plants... and lo and behold, they were the marijuana that grows wild all over the Himalaya! The locals don't use the plant -- it is fed to the pigs, who become extremely contented, fat and happy. Pig fat is a much desired delicacy, necessary for all sorts of celebrations.

An example that seems somewhat appropriate for a wedding blog are the ubiquitous dorjes or "thunderbolts" -- which we might think to be more likely at a bridal shower than at a monastery -- that symbolize protection against evil spirits, and the necessity of wisdom in overcoming ego. Huge phalluses are painted on the sides of houses and hung from the corner rafters to ensure the well-being of their occupants...


and dancing monks, dressed as clowns, and serving the same role as rodeo clowns, wield them during wield them during religious dances. The offer blessings via a tap on the head, and maintain the interest and involvement of the crowd through goofy antics.



****
I forgot to mention in my first interview post that part of this interview process is passing it on. I'd love to learn more about other bloggers, so if you'd like to be interviewed, leave a comment with your email or website, saying "Interview me!", and I'll send you five personalized questions.

Here are the 'rules':

* leave me a comment with your email address saying: “interview me”
* I will e-mail you five questions of my choice
* you can then answer the questions on your blog {with a link back to my blog}
* you should also post these rules, along with an offer to interview anyone else who emails you, wanting to be interviewed
* anyone who asks to be interviewed should be sent 5 questions to answer on their blog
* it would be nice if the questions were individualized for each blogger

A new trend?

Another amazing Save The Date video, via Brooklyn Bride, from these uber creative folks.

A drink, a hike, a ring

The wise and wonderful Eco Yogini posted an offer to interview readers of her blog, and I took the bait. So herewith, a little more about me, courtesy of some thought-provoking questions from Eco Yogini.

(Go check out her blog - its got tons of useful eco-insight and yoga fun that will enliven your day. I love her sense of humor and lightness in writing about yoga and eco-issues!)

1. Tell us the story of how you met Mr. Barefoot and how he proposed.

I met Mr. Barefoot through my friend FiveTen who also does field research in Asia. We studied a local language together one summer, and found out that we had a lot of similar interests (and that I knew her brother from college!).

When Mr. Barefoot was new in town, FiveTen introduced us at a party. He asked for some work-related information, and, because I was slightly intrigued (though I was dating someone else at the time), I made sure to send it to him. But he didn't respond to my email...

FiveTen and Mr. Barefoot became roommates, so I got to know him a bit more at their frequent parties. My previous relationship ended, as did his. Eventually, he suggested that we get a drink to celebrate my submission of an important funding proposal. The midweek day he had suggested for our drink was Valentine's Day. (He insists he didn't know!). I didn't get the grant, but I did get a boyfriend.

Last December, a week before we moved in together for the first time, Mr. Barefoot organized a hike in Muir Woods with a bunch of our friends. He and I had just returned from a Thanksgiving trip to Argentina for a friend's wedding, so I was eager to settle down, get organized and return to my dissertation writing. He insisted that we go on the hike because it was the only time our equally busy group of friends could meet up. One by one, our friends mysteriously flaked out. Mr. Barefoot and I set out on our own for a stroll through the redwoods.

But something was awry: the normally articulate Mr. Barefoot could barely carry on a conversation. He seemed terribly distracted and unfocused. Finally, he suggested that we go to a nearby beach to watch the sunset. That seemed like a good idea to me: we could sit in peaceful silence.

We walked across Muir Beach (where we had shared an excellent afternoon with my brother and sister-in-law on their visit to the Bay), until Mr. Barefoot paused to tie his shoe. When I turned around, he was on one knee with a velvet box in his outstretched hand!

(Parts II, III, IV, and V to come...)

Do I dare?

from Bridalcheek, via Credit Crunch Bride

Do I dare go for this wild and crazy Alice In Wonderland theme?

As Credit Crunch Bride says:

It excuses all sorts of ridiculous randomness, wonky home-made cakes, mismatching decorations and strange behaviour. In fact, it encourages it.

Yes! A theme that encompasses goofiness and has room for things that aren't perfect! This is the sort of theme I could embrace.

Other necessities for an Alice In Wonderland theme:

• Croquet (Mr. Barefoot's fav lawn game!)
• Stopped clocks (We have a plethora, along with chronically slow watches (all mine))
• Rakish top hats (some of the faculty members wear these with their academic garb - perfect)
• Door mice and rabbit holes (should be plentiful at an outdoor site)
• Cheshire cat-like grins (hell yeah! we're getting married!)
  

Plus, all sorts of goofiness and bizarre conduct can fall under the umbrella of 'playing into the theme'...

A non-theme theme. See more wacky and whimisical brilliance here.

Veggie love

From here, via FFFFOUND!

Having been a vegetarian for more than twenty years - and having convinced my family to stop eating veal when I was just seven years old - I never considered serving meat at my wedding. We don't serve meat at dinner parties, so why would we at the Dinner Party of the Year? I don't want to go to a party where I can't eat the food (though people keep warning me that I won't have a chance to eat at the wedding. This one gets cranky without food, so I will have to find time to eat).

Earth Friendly Weddings takes up the issue of vegetarian weddings today, asking "Can a Vegetarian Meal Ruin a Wedding?", with a comment from Yours Truly. My take on it: Serve what you'd like to eat, thoughtfully prepared for your guests.

I do enjoy fish (yep, not a perfect vegetarian, and believe me, I've been taken to task for this many times over the years. Why vegetarians are expected to by completely consistent paragons of virtue is beyond me...), so we may serve some seasonally, sustainably caught fish. Or not.

Our caterer does amazing things with vegetarian food - I'm pretty sure that everyone will be so busy enjoying the food that they won't pause to wonder where the chicken or steak is.

Beyond the amazing flavors and textures of vegetarian food, it also costs less. The per-head cost our caterer quoted for an all vegetarian meal (no fish) was significantly lower than her lowest per-head cost for a chicken meal. We will be able to offer more dishes for the same price per head, if we don't serve meat. The dinner will actually end up looking more lush and magnificent, with a greater number of choices!

Serving locally-sourced vegetarian food helps reduce the carbon footprint and environmental impact of the wedding. To take just one example, three times as many fossil fuels are required to produce a meat-based diet, as compared with a plant-based diet. (more info here).

For vegetarian cooking at home, I love:

• Fields of Greens, Anne Somervill.
• Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone, Deborah Madison.
• The Moosewood Cookbook, Mollie Katzen.

Our weekly CSA box from Farm Fresh to You includes a batch of recipes for using seasonal vegetables, too.

From here, via FFFFOUND!

Thanks, Jen Elisebeth!

I am so excited to have WON something!!!

Jen Elisebeth generously offered up this book, which she had used to plan her wedding, and I was the lucky winner! Ya-hoooo!

The book arrived in the mail last week - I'm a bit late posting on this, what with Passover, and Easter, and Tax Day all following in quick succession - but I definitely want to say a BIG THANK YOU to Jen Elisebeth for passing on this great resource and sharing the love.

As I told her in an email, we're just about to ask a couple friends to officiate. Actually, we've been meaning to do this for weeks, and it keeps getting postponed. I think it's a little anxiety-provoking, really. It's asking a lot of someone. I'm sure that having a book to guide us through the process of planning our ceremony will make the friends/ officiants much more comfortable. Hopefully, we'll get them squared away soon.

Jen Elisebeth offered the book with the caveat that who ever won it would have to host their own giveaway after they were finished with it. So if you're still reading in six months, stay tuned for a great giveaway! :)

Audacious wedding planning

That's what Meg, at A Practical Wedding, does.

That's what Sara, at 2000 Dollar Wedding, did.

And Jamie, at a Desert Fete, did.

And East Side Bride.

And lots of other amazing folks that I don't know about, but definitely would like to...

And apparently, that is the secret to success in blogging and in life.

Now it might seem over-reaching (audacious, even!) to compare planning a wedding to overcoming racism or running a country, but I contend it's equally important, in its own quotidian way.

In the way that New Year's Day sets the tone for the year ahead, the wedding establishes the tone of our lives together. The reception is the couple's first act of hospitality for their community together - the community that has supported them to this point, and will continue to support them.

So when we're setting that tone, shouldn't we do audacious things, things that "can't" be done... like

• serving vegetarian food,
• or having a wedding brunch,
• or a pinata,
• or a wedding hike,
• or a wearing a non-white wedding dress,
• or pants,
• or... the sky's the limit!

What's audacious about your wedding?

(In my case, it's #1, and hopefully #3 & #4, as well as getting married on the beach!)

Shout out to my Lovely Readers

I started this blog as an outlet for my wedding stress - a place to store ideas in words and images so that I could easily get back to them, and not forget them. I figured at most, some friends and family might start to read as the wedding grew closer.

So it's incredibly affirming to find that people out there - who don't even know me! - take time out of their busy lives to read my musings. Thanks so much, ya'll, for coming 'round.

The Un-bride down in LA, who seems like a kindred spirit, planning her wedding for the day before mine, in SF, and whose writing I especially enjoy, graced me with this award sometime back, and I'm just now getting around to posting it and commenting on it. I'm so FLATTERED!

To further share the bloglove, here are the rule for this award:

1. Put the logo on your blog or post.

2. Nominate at least 10 blogs who show great ATTITUDE and /or GRATITUDE
(when it comes to weddings, I'm going for the former...)

3. Be sure to link to your nominees in your post

4. Let them know they've received this award by commenting on their blog

5. Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received the award

I nominate these blogs as outstanding for showing great attitude and (and appropriate) gratitude:

A Mindful Bride

Offbeat Bride

Another One Bites the Dust

The Sensible Bride

A Practical Wedding

Cheap & Easy Wedding

Lazy Bride

[catching a theme....?]

Color Me Green

and my two favorite non-wedding, but righteously feminist blogs
Bitch PhD [raised my consciousness a mile high!]

Beauty Tips for Ministers [until there's Beauty Tips for Academics, I'm relying on her hilarious and sensible tips!]

Bay Area Photography, Part II

In researching artistic photojournalist wedding photographers around the Bay, I got a lot of recommendations, which I offer up here as advice from a friend-of-a-friend. I haven't personally worked with any of these photographers, but they were all recommended to me by good friends, which is always a good place to start.

Artseed

Page Bertelsen

Open Kitchen Photography


Dia Rao

Another piece falls into place

I hope yesterday's post wasn't too much of downer, what with all the talk of blood diamonds. I like pretty things as much as the next girl, but I want to be conscious of where they're coming from. There are so many ways to reduce the impact of our jewelry: by using family heirlooms or vintage jewelry, by getting stones re-set, by seeking out sources, including local designers, that monitor the social and environmental impacts of their materials.

Doc Water pointed me to the beautiful designs here.
If I didn't already have a ring, I'd be all over this


In more upbeat news, we met with and booked our photographer the other day, so I can check another thing off my list.

I have the practical blogosphere to thank for the introduction to the lovely and talented Kate Harrison. You may have seen her work at A Practical Wedding, where she sponsored a very generous contest, offering free wedding photography for someone who'd fallen on hard times in the recent economic downturn. As of yesterday, she told me that they had a winner, but hadn't heard from her yet. I hope she turns up, or maybe someone else will get a chance to benefit from Kate's service.

These are some of the images that let me know she was the One.