Whither spring?

Another rainy weekend. Following on a too busy week. Many, minor professional ups and downs for the Mr. and myself, all part of our crazy, wonderful lives in academia. The fabulous - and frustrating - thing about academia (or is it life?) is that it's always in flux, never predictable. Opportunities arise and fall away. Decisions are ever pending, ever changeable.

I learned about an amazing post-doctoral position across the country. Was it the sublime opportunity to do months of uninterrupted writing that would result in numerous published articles and a book, catapulting me to academic fame - or at least tenure? Or was it a siren song, threatening to draw me away from all that I love: my home, my friends, my job, the Bay Area, and most of all, my new husband? Husband wants what's best for me; I want what's best for our marriage.

My dissertation advisor and current departmental chair encouraged me to apply, suggesting that the prestige of a postdoc could only enhance my future career success. Another advisor, who knows me better, discouraged me, pointing out that I've 'got it made' with a job and husband in a place I love.

It's hard to know what to do. Initially, I planned to apply, thinking that the chances of getting it are relatively slim anyway, and I could sort out my decision if and when I came to that. On the other hand, there's nothing in me that wants to move across the country right now... but is that just exhaustion, following on the heels of a year full of transitions?

One more week until spring break - to be spent catching up on home and work tasks. Including getting hooked up with my new doctor and dentist, because, according to this stress test, via 2000 Dollar Wedding, I have "High susceptibility to stress-related illness." Yikes.

Spring break, and even better, SUMMER, can't come soon enough.

If it were sunny, I'd be wearing this

or this

with this, via Oh Joy!


or this

Wedding album hell

The wedding was lovely. The photographer was one of the sweetest and most talented people I ever met. Her images were so beautiful they hurt my eyes. I mean, gorgeous. Unexpectedly breath-taking.

So when I got the album proof today from an outside company - NOT my photographer, I must emphasize - I was expecting all kinds of loveliness. I couldn't wait to flip through Kate's images, beautifully-organized on well-designed pages... and - what fresh hell is this???!!??! The album proof was cluttered, disorganized, and out-of-order. Though I was pretty much the most chill bride ever - told my florist to work with any seasonal local flowers in the red-orange-yellow color-family, gave our baker carte blanche to create a tasty cake - I flipped through the proof pages saying no, No, NO!

I hadn't realized just how important Kate's aesthetic sensibility had been in creating a beautiful depiction of our wedding day - and how easily a sloppy layout could mar the beauty she depicted. I'm not saying that the wedding day has to be all about prettiness. It was about so many things: fun, family, love, natural beauty, peaceful moments, laughter, heartfelt words, us. But none of that showed through in the cluttered layout, with images overlapping others, and crowded six or more on a page. And I'm embarrassed to reveal how much the album would have cost, had we purchased it: more than the cake, which made 100 sweet-tooths very happy, and provided us with an entire layer to freeze for our first anniversary.

In this alterna-wedding-blogosphere, we examine and question wedding traditions, and poke holes in those that can no longer stand up to 21st-century scrutiny. But this wedding album proof threw me right into the midst of all the not-suited-for-us traditions we thought we had escaped.

The largest photos were a close-up of the two of us kissing - it honestly looked kind of creepy and overly-intimate - and of me hugging my dad. It's a lovely photo, but undercuts the story of the day, which is that I walked down the beach with both parents. The father gives away the bride, so that's what matters. That's what we enlarge, according to our WIC-approved formulas.

Because I know an online photo album company can't read my mind, I carefully put the photos in order to tell the story of the day, before submitting my order. They disregarded the order completely, showing dinner toasts at the after-dinner cake cutting, and people departing from the ceremony on the same page as people arriving at the ceremony. Argh!

Wedding album lessons learned:

1) Don't pay for the full album before you see a proof or a plan (fortunately we paid only a "design fee," for what appears to be an algorithm-controlled design process: Father - enlarge. Bride - enlarge. Groom - shrink. People giving toasts - all on one page, even if there are 8 of them and they're so small you can't see them.)

2) Give *explicit* instructions. (I wrote back with a full page of design revisions. Let's see how they do.)

3) Compare offers. This faceless company offered 25% off, bringing the cost to way less than what our photographer would charge - but I'm surely her layouts are much better.

4) Consider doing it yourself (or together... or pawning off on your partner!). Petite Chablis and Accordians and Lace both did nice reviews of online wedding album software. I should have listened to them, before the WIC dug in its claws and started convincing me that I need a leather-bound, "professionally-produced", heavy-leafed photo album. How did this happen now, just when I was congratulating myself on having avoided the WIC throughout the wedding process?? (I might have to credit Mr. Barefoot here. In trying to guard my precious new-faculty-member time, he thought we should farm it out. Right motive, but little did he know that it would feed directly into the evil WIC.)

I suspect we'll head toward #4. It will be worth a few hours' time to have control over how the album turns out, and we can spend our savings on a weekend of skiing.

Any suggestions for high-quality online wedding album services?

Zen and the art of Thanksgiving

Wedding planning is not the only social occasion to have been professionalized and perfected to the point of making ordinarily sane people crazy.

In the age of local, free-range, organic, fair trade food, Thanksgiving has its own conundrums (conundra?), including whether to serve turkey at all.

Consider, as the New York Times explains:

Your grandmother did not have to worry about this; a turkey was a turkey. Your turkey, however, must be free range and organic, and your sweet potatoes should be heirloom and local. Not only should you pick our own pumpkin, you should process it yourself (while hearing the voice of Martha Stewart say that she would never throw away the seeds — such a tragedy that would be!), and not only should you make your own fudge, but you should use the appropriate (fair trade and high cocoa content) chocolate. It’s a wonder you’re not making your own marshmallows, though Martha thinks perhaps you should.

Put this all together, along with your own sense of inadequacy (if you don’t have one, congrats — but are you sure?) and you have a situation that cannot be other than overwhelming.

Given all this pressure toward perfection, the Times has a perfect Thanksgiving recipe: just relax. After all,

When did performance anxiety and guilt become prerequisites for offering family and friends nourishment and hospitality?

Words the queen of social stress needs to hear! It's so easy to focus on what could go wrong, rather than on what will inevitably go right when dear ones are gathered at Thanksgiving, a wedding or any other social event.

We'll be joining friends and colleagues in San Francisco -- so much easier when someone else plans the menu!

Wishing you all a happy and relaxing Thanksgiving!!!

On the utility of a honeymoon

Our Beach Day was so momentous and powerful in so many ways that it's been difficult to break it into bite size pieces suitable for blog posts.

Add to that the extreme fatigue and inertia I've felt ever since the wedding, and you can see why posting's been a bit slow lately.

By Sunday evening, after the wedding, I felt like a balloon from which all the air has suddenly escaped... so much excitement, energy and enthusiasm for so long, and then vrrroooooooossssshhhhhhh! all the air escapes, and the balloon deflates. This, in itself, is a good argument for escaping to a tropical beach for a couple weeks. Our work schedules didn't allow more than a couple days off - though we've got a big trip planned over the winter holidays, that doesn't provide the R&R needed immediately post-wedding.

Ahead of the curve

A whole photo spread of (non-wedding) pomegranates at Rock 'n Roll Bride, and confirmation that orange is the hot new wedding color at a 2000 Dollar Budget Wedding tells me we are on the right track with our 30 pounds each of persimmons and pomegranates for decorating. Not only are they are pretty color scheme, they healthy eating, full of vitamin C and micronutrients, and guests can take them home.

But what's that rain outside??? The forecast was for clear all week!

Gifts for girls and grooms

As I've mentioned before, when I'm stressed I shop. As the length of my To Do list increases, the siren call of Etsy increase proportionally.

Mmmmm.... everyone needs a clutch, right?

FIAZCO

FIAZCO

And I want my guy to be able to find his way home, where ever we may roam:

skinnerstudio

Would that I had planned ahead enough (always my downfall!) to have ordered these from Anne Holman.

Ah ha! Lucky me! dlkdesigns does RUSH ORDERS for overwhelmed brides like me! Woo-hoo!

At the two month mark

Yep, the Knot (thanks, Macy's) and Wedding Wire kindly informed me that it was time to start freaking out last week. The timing was perfect, since I was already freaking out about starting my new job. That means I can multi-task my freaking out, get it out of my system now, and by October I should be the picture of serene calm. (Anyone who knows me will be snorting with laughter by now... but what is life without goals?).

Fortunately, Mr. Barefoot, prescient planner that he is, had just the antidote for the impending freakout: a weekend away. Just the two of us. No weddings to attend (that we haven't had an absolute blast with all our wonderful friends who have gotten married this summer), no wedding planning to do, no work, no stress... and no computers! Just us in the mountains. Back to the climbing and hiking that first brought us together. Dreamy.

Now that I'm back, I could take a look at the Knot's list, and start freaking out about what I've left undone. (Securing the officiant is one important piece that is still... in process.) But I keeping with the mellow, outdoorsy vibe of the weekend, and the ostensible purpose of this blog - to chronicle planning a wedding that steps lightly on the earth - I'm going to take a look at a list of 101 Ways to Create an Eco-Chic Wedding, via San Francisco Style Unveiled, and see how we're doing according to their list.

Feel free to play along at home, and/or add your own tips! I'd love to hear some that they haven't thought of.

*****

1.Have your ceremony and reception at the same location. check

2.Keep the wedding cake simple. fail - as you may recall, our baker, Edith Meyer, specializes in rather elaborate cakes. However, they are organic - the reason we chose her - so I think we get a pass on this one.

3.Use the linens that your reception site provides. check

4.Wear a dress made of raw silk. fail - Wish I could afford one! I checked the tag on my dress the other day at the fitting, and, sadly, it is pure petrochemicals: polyester. In penance, I wrote a lengthy post about the reasons for using organic flowers.

5.Use a reply postcard, rather than a note card that needs an envelope. check - We did one better - we requested online responses to cut down on paper use.

6.Purchase a simple wedding gown that you would wear again. HA!!! (that's a fail.) Broken*saucer will score this point, with her blue gown.

7.Create a wedding website, rather than using mailer inserts with your invitation. check

8.Use the beautiful Northwest moss as a centerpiece in a lovely, shallow bowl. hmmm... not available here. Seems very location specific.

9.Donate your wedding dress to a charity when the wedding is over. that's the plan... Brides Against Breast Cancer.

10. Choose bridesmaids dresses that your friends will wear again. working on it. My BFF didn't really go for the first dress I chose at J Crew, or it's $170 price tag. We're going to hit Nordstrom rack in a couple weeks to see if we can find something re-wearable and less expensive.

11. Have the groomsmen wear a suit they can use again for work. yep, they'll wear dark suits they already own.

12. Blow bubbles rather than tossing rice; rice kills birds when they eat it. check. Rice and birdseed are not allowed at our venue. I'm not really sure I want my friends pelting me with tiny objects, anyway!

13. Rent real glasses and dishes, as opposed to using disposable plates. check - from the caterer.

14. Use a florist who uses flowers from local or organic farms. check - planning to visit Local Flora this week.

15. Have your guests reply on the website, rather than send in paper reply cards. check - are these a little repetitive???

16. Register for your gifts at local shops, so as to save on shipping materials and gas. fail. This one is tricky - with so many guests from out of town, I think it's a lot easier for them to choose gifts from online shops. AND, do we really want ALL those people driving around to shop? It may actually be more efficient to have the UPS guy deliver the gifts.

17. Use recycled gold for your eco wedding rings. check - Went to Brilliant Earth, which uses recycled gold, last week to pick out our bands! Yipppeeeee!!

18. Select a wedding venue close to your home. check

19. Create your own bouquets from wildflowers. hmmm... a moment ago, I was supposed to hire an organic florist...

20. Ride a tandem bike home from the reception. that would require purchasing a tandem bicycle to replace the perfectly good used bikes we already have. Not gonna happen, though it's a cute idea.

21. Use potted plants as centerpieces for a more organic wedding. maybe? Mr. Barefoot is the green thumb... I'm trying to convince him to pot a bunch of succulents, but given our busy schedules, I'm not sure it's gonna happen.

22. Use biodegradable, compostable dishes and flatware made from cornstarch, sugar cane, or tropical leaves. this is confusing... I thought I was supposed to use re-usable dishes...

23. In lieu of a favor, give the money to a charity for a greener world. considering this... we also listed a couple of our favorite causes, including Equality California, on our registry page, in case our guests would like to make a donation to one of these organizations in lieu of a physical gift.

24. Use a green wedding registry. Does REI count??... maybe Gaiam or Earthsake?

25. Use cloth napkins, rather than paper. check, via the caterer.

*****

phew... this is a lengthy list! Out of 25 suggestions, we're applying 14 of them to our wedding. Given that a couple were redundant or contradictory, that seems pretty good to me.

Check back soon to see how I fared with the next 25.

My first (and only?) dress fitting

More than two months ago, the bridal salon phoned to say that my dress had come in. They encouraged me to make an appointment for a fitting right away. I procrastinated for a while, and then admitted that the reason I didn't want to try on the dress was that I was worried it wouldn't fit!

Because I was between sizes, the bridal consultant had encouraged me to go with the smaller size, which would require fewer alterations, assuming that I lost "five to eight pounds." With long, looooong desk-bound workdays for my huge deadline, I was stressed out, snacking unhealthily, and getting no exercise.... not conducive to losing weight.

There's nothing like a deadline to bring priorities into focus, and while I postponed the fitting to finish the dissertation, I tried to get my eating habits and exercise routine back on track, with all the great comments from here.

The result: the dress fits as though it was made for me! Perfectly! And looks amazing with my Jimmy Choos! Woo-hoo!!!

The Doctor is In

source

After nine long years of grad school (five in my current program; three on the east coast; one doing fieldwork), I am Phinally Done, having the requirements for a doctorate in my field by submitting my dissertation (all 429 pages of it, chock full o' fifty-cent words like soteriological, neoliberal, and epistemology!) last Friday.

So, after years of work at this august institution, what do you get?
(Besides a diploma, I mean, which won't be available until next spring...)

Just like going to the dentist, you get a lollipop!







I was dancing on air when I left the graduate degrees office, clutching the most expensive and coveted lollipop in history last Friday!

Mr. Barefoot and I spent the rest of the day enjoying our sunny back deck with friends I hadn't seen in months, since I'd been buried up to my neck in books.

We had cake from the spectacular La Farine...

and bubbly,
and plenty of G&Ts...

and a surprise viewing of the ringbearer outfit
for a nephew in Doc Water and Doc Bee's wedding...

How cute is that???

But, wait, it gets better...

Yes, it definitely needed a chapeau!

I believe that adorable yumminess is from here.

And that, dear and patient readers (thanks to those of you who stuck around!), is why this blog has been short on wedding planning goodness in recent weeks.

But fear not!

With Doc Water and Doc Bee's wedding just around the corner, Dr. Cowgirl's wedding to recap, a post about handmade wedding rings, and news about the dress, the invites, the flowers, and the DJ conundrum, and more to share, I'll get back in touch with my Inner Bride, and have my Wed Head back in no time.

Plus, Shoegate continues... I didn't fall for the sexy Chie Miharas, but neither did I find that ideal hip, funky, professional shoe.

And tomorrow is New Faculty Orientation.

Will I be Barefoot?

When grad students go on vacation...

... it just means taking your laptop and (not) working somewhere else.

Turns out riding shotgun on an arrow-straight Western highway can be just as productive as sitting in a office.

Like this.

They said there would be obstacles...

Of course. Murphy's Law, and all that. My friend Dr. Cowgirl had to re-print her invitations, and almost - but didn't - canceled her outdoor ceremony. And her dress arrived late, and had to be re-altered. The band double-booked, but miraculously showed up at the wedding. Data Monkey's flower order got canceled. And nonetheless, their weddings were utterly perfect! So I should just start bracing myself for a few disappointments...

After our painstaking, interminable search for a DJ we liked, we have learned that he inadvertently double-booked! argh. How could this be?

We learn this the day before my dissertation is due. No time to think about Plan B right now, or even to be stressed, beyond venting a bit here.

On the upside, he is offering to set us up with another DJ for free (my favorite price, again!). Is the replacement as good??? Stay tuned...

Am I in denial?

Both the WeddingChannel and TheKnot let me know, excitedly, over the weekend, that it's just three months until our wedding. Other than choose Pantone colors at the printer, and pick up envelopes at Paper Source, I've done nothing wedding for the past few weeks - not even blogging! I still haven't gotten my dress fitted or met with the prospective florists... or secured our officiant. Blame 18 hour work days and some nagging health issues (certainly related). And the fact that, at this particular moment, my career seems waaaaay more important than a party, even a party that involves all our nearest and dearest traveling from the corners of the earth to see us. Actually, the sound of that just makes me tired.

Sometimes, you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't

Just popping in to let you know that I seem to have run out of words this week. (I know that, by saying that, I have proven that I still have a few words left, but mostly they seem to be used up.)

Graduation weekend was fun, exhilarating and exhausting. I have been quite a solitary being for the last several months, as I've tried to pound out my dissertation in the shortest time humanly possible (only to miss the May filing deadline. argh!).

To suddenly join a weekend-long whirl of parties - followed by a half-day retreat at my new job - was a bit of a (delicious) shock to the system. I think all my words went into the conversations that have been held in abeyance these last several months. The rest are going into the revised chapter due to my advisor by the end of the month.

I've kind of lost the thread on wedding planning, too. Once we secured our DJ (which I need to write about) and started working with the lovely Kimi (who was featured in one of the first wedding blogs I ever read, and immediately caused me to fall in love) at Printable Press on our invitation designs (oh yeah, I owe her an email), the wind kinda went out of my sails.

We have all the big things in place... well, except for the ceremony that we're writing ourselves, and the officiant(s), and the wedding entourage, and the dinner menu, and the rings (which I am petrified of forgetting), and a zillion other things that I surely have forgotten.

But for now, my words are dedicated to my chapters. (hmm, looks like there were a lot more words lurking around than I suspected!)

I'll be back soon, I promise, with photos and the rest of the story of the wedding of Data Monkey and Mountain Man.

'til then...

Another small step in the wedding direction

And I do mean small.

I went to Mercurio Brothers, the local and shockingly reasonably-priced letterpress print shop, with Dr. Cowgirl the other day to get some information about invitations. I collected a bunch of samples, brought them home to Mr. Barefoot, and we reached a decision.

On the design of the invitation? No.

On the wording of the invitation? No.

On the number of invitations needed? No.

All those still remain to be determined.

However, we did decide on the type of paper we want to use.

We chose

Somerset 300 gm Cotton ... our most popular cover stock for wedding invitations and is our #1 recommendation. It is thick and spongy, which are good qualities for letterpress. [...in] Soft (natural) White (more like an ecru).

Unbelievable. I have never before been this consumed by minutia. The wedding is drawing out all my obsessive tendencies (which were quite latent until now!) in a bizarre convergence of my party-hosting anxiety and my dissertation avoidance. Heaven help me if I didn't have the dissertation to draw the major part of my attention - I'd probably be parsing the relative merits of different type styles. (There's no saying that that won't happen over the summer. eek!)

Anyway, Dr. Cowgirl and I couldn't resolve those larger issues about our respective invitations, because we were going to treat ourselves to a facial and a massage, respectively, at Spa Week (or month, at our local spa) - $50 treatments at a spa near you! Check it out before time runs out!

Just the thing for the stressed out Bride (me!)

source

Spa Week, April 13-19 (the perfect reward for completing your taxes!), in which you get pampered with luscious spa treatment for just 50 bucks.

Just enter your zip code into the handy-dandy service locator, and they hook you up!

Yeah, I know, this is how they get you... just $50 now, and pretty soon, you're going every month, then every week.

But, boy, I really need a massage...