Eat less, weigh more

At this time when zillions of people resolve to lose weight in the new year, a friend of mine is wondering how to gain weight.  Especially now that she's cut sugar and all meat but fish out of her diet, she's having a hard time keeping her weight up.  The months of nausea that have made all food unappealing haven't helped either.  Like many women, she struggled with keeping her figure trim in the past.  Now she's struggling to avoid looking skeletal. 

In one of those cruelly unfair twists of fate, my friend, athlete, non-smoker, and mother of two small boys, has been undergoing cancer treatments for more than a year.  She attended our wedding with her family just after finishing the first round of chemotherapy.  I was too caught up in the whirl of the day to notice how gaunt she was.  The treatments, along with the changes she's made in her diet to maximize nutrients and minimize toxic chemicals, have made it difficult for her to sustain her normal weight. 

Her current search for healthy, nutrient-rich foods made me realize how much I take my body and all it can do for granted.  I can feed it junk, I can feed it vegetables, still it (mostly) does what I want.  (Though as I get older, I definitely feel more sluggish and spacey when I gorge on refined sugar and white flour than when I eat Brussels sprouts.)

Like so many other people, I resolved to get into better shape in the new year:  lose the seven pounds I gained over the holidays (an extended bout of the appetite-killing Demon Cold seems to have taken care of that), stop eating fattening foods, eat more vegetables, get into aerobic shape, do more yoga.

When my friend wrote looking for advice about what foods could help her gain weight, I had an inspiration.  I am going to "give" all my rich and fattening foods to her.  Since she wants to gain weight, and I want to lose weight, I am going to "give" my nuts, cheeses, ice cream, pastas, etc. to her.  Whenever I want to eat these foods, I'll symbolically pass them off to her, imagining her gaining weight and reclaiming her former strength and vitality.  And I'll grab a carrot.

This will help me be more conscious of what I eat, and it will remind me of healthy, hearty foods that I can suggest to her.  And hopefully, the constant stream of positive thoughts in her direction will have a positive impact on her health.  At least, I hope so.

What are your favorite weight-inducing foods?  Leave them here - even recipes! - I'll pass them on to my friend, and your diet will be lightened for the year.  My friend doesn't eat sugar, so the ice cream, cookies and chocolate (my downfall) are still yours to handle.

Wedding Guest Hat-astrophe

The latest wedding invitation calls for "Kentucky Derby hats" in honor of the bride's home state.  Hmmm.... I haven't been to Kentucky since I was a kid, and have no idea what's stylish at a horse race.

A quick Google search reveals that
1) Kentucky Derby hats are the size of UFOs
2) They are best worn with sundresses or linen suits,
3)  It's hard not to look matronly in a huge hat unless you're British, and
4) All the best Hats are made in the UK.  When we threw off the yoke of monarchy, we also lots a fair bit of our style.

I quickly concluded that I would not be purchasing a full-on Kentucky Derby hat that would get worn once and gather dust in the closet.  Maybe a fascinator is the way to go, but the ivory one I wore nearly a year ago screams wedding.

I turned to my best friend Etsy, which did not disappoint......  For brides who embrace color, some of these could be fun.

CherylatHatLover

 Amazing!  And British.  Like I said....

Hatsbycressida

 Oooo, even more fun!  I love the wild festiveness of this one!  But, with a week before the wedding, I don't think it will get to California from the UK in time.  Maybe for the next party....

The closest thing I found stateside was this lovely from Pegasusmaiden.

Pegasusmaiden

Flowers could be nice...

lovelygifts

This would be lovely for an ethereal forest nymph style wedding.

CastleMemories

Finally, I remembered that Satanica was all over the Interwebs when I was looking for wedding finery.  And not everything they make is white.

Satanica

Satanica

In a similar vein, for only $13, I like this headband from WeeGardens.

WeeGardens

More peacock feathers at LovMely.

LovMely

The Disco Flower is always fun, too.

Handle & Spout

What about you?  Are you wearing fabulous headwear?  What's your favorite source?  Have you done the hat/ fascinator look for a night out?

Notes from the field: Yosemite wedding

We had a spectacular time at Doc Water and Doc Bee's Yosemite wedding last fall. (It was so much fun that I took very few pictures!) Doc Water is one of those people who knows absolutely everyone, so it came as no surprise that one of her brother's in law was the co-owner of a lodge in Yosemite that was a perfect wedding venue.

Somehow, in the midst of finishing postdocs and preparing to move to the East Coast, the two doctors put together a super-fun and stylish wedding weekend, that included a scavenger hut, a crazy hat party, feathered angels wings, matching socks for all the male relatives, plenty of dancing, and, if the rumors are to be believed, some midnight streaking.

Read all about it at San Francisco Style Unveiled. And see a bunch more photos at First Comes Love - this is my favorite!

Recap #4: A Participatory, Quaker-ish, DIY Ceremony

It was important to us that the wedding ceremony be a participatory, inclusive event. We briefly considered (more than once, actually) just going to City Hall (especially when the planning got overwhelming, as it inevitably does). Ultimately, though, we decided that getting married was about making a public commitment, recognizing our embeddedness in our community of family and friends.

And if our peeps were going to be there, I wanted them to be involved. Not in the designing invitations and baking cakes and arranging flowers sort of way -- our people are more cerebral than crafty, for the most part -- but through participation in the ceremony.

We had seen our friends Data Monkey and Mountain Man pass their rings through their assembled guests to be blessed by each pair of hands. On a sandy beach, though, that didn't seem like such a good idea.

Next we considered asking our guests to bring some small thing that they could add to a larger collective, as a representation of our community, during the ceremony. Some weddings have incorporated water or sand from different parts of the country to represent the families joining together.

Ultimately, we linked this idea to the guest book, a coffee table book of photos of some of our favorite places.
We asked everyone to bring a rock or some other non-decomposing natural object, which we collected together in a glass vase that now lives on our mantle. We requested:

Rock Ceremony
Please bring a rock or other dry and relatively inert bit of nature, such as a shell or small piece of driftwood, to add to the glass vase symbolizing our community. We would like to collect a bit of nature contributed by each person or family that attends the ceremony as a tangible reminder of all those who joined with us for our special day.

We will collect the rocks in a glass vase next to the Guest Book, and invite you to tell us something about your rock in your Guest Book message.

To involve many voices in the ceremony, I was campaigning for a Quaker-style ceremony, in which people could simply speak when and if they felt moved to do so. Unsure that people would really speak up, Eric wanted a bit more structure.

We compromised by asking eight friends and family members to read relevant passages of their choice, AND informing our guests that the ceremony would include open time in which anyone who wished to speak could do so.


So that guests could prepare, we wrote on our wedding website:

Quaker Moments during the Ceremony
During the Ceremony, the Officiant will open the floor (sand!) for anyone who is moved to speak to do so, in the manner of a Quaker meeting. We welcome your thoughts and wishes during this part of the Ceremony.

This worked out amazingly well. A number of friends and family members offered comments, reflections, and tributes that were both funny, touching and heartfelt.

Sadly, I remember almost nothing of what was said! I was so caught up in the emotion and sensations - the warm sun, soft sand, rhythmic waves - that few of the words of the day stuck with me.
I do remember Mountain Man saying that he had recently married an only child - as Eric is - so he and I should talk about how to handle being married to an Only.

At the end of the ceremony, my mom offered a blessing on our marriage.

Photos from Rob.

Dr. Cowgirl rides again!

In the midst of all the thoughtful and personal discussions about body image, self perceptions and photography going on, I feel a little bit funny about re-posting these photos that recapitulate the slim-white-attractive paradigm. I'm not at all saying this is what a wedding should be -- though it's what a wedding could be. And it's certainly not the fact that these two happen to be utterly adorable that makes them worthy of posting on my blog.


However, this was one of the most fun weddings I went to last summer.* Mountains, fields, camping, thunderstorms, hail, sundresses & down jackets, cowboy boots, wildflowers, gin and juice, and dancing in a barn to the most kickin' bluegrass band ever.


Dr. Cowgirl and I shared the journey through rings, dresses, location, decor... all of it. We tried on countless dresses together, visited Mercurio Brothers** to order our invitations together, shared schemes about vases and bottles for decor.

I've showed you a bit of her wedding here. Those few snapshots hardly did justice to the beauty of the ceremony, the generosity of her family, and awesomeness of the Rocky Mountain landscape. So when Dr. Cowgirl forwarded the link to some of her photos by Katy Gray at The Bride's Cafe, I knew I'd have to post some here.

Her wedding took place at her parents' property in Tetonia, Idaho, just west of Grand Teton and Yellowstone National Parks.
Guests were invited to camp on the property, overlooking the Teton River and the mountain ranges. It was convenient to be so close to the festivities in a tent with a view. We would have been there all weekend, too, if it weren't for a ridiculous storm blowing in...

Dr. Cowgirl's niece read a lovely passage from Where the Sidewalk Ends, that I posted here.

The skies finally cleared in the evening. Shouldn't everyone have an Airstream trailer glowing in the moonlight?

See more of Katy Gray's lovely work- including more Airstream shots, and a couple great claw-foot bathtub images - here.

I should also mention that these photos - plus my own, by Kate Harrison - have convinced me of the value of a professional photographer. Initially, dumbfounded by the expense involved, I was planning to forgo the professional and count on the cameras of numerous family and friends. However, I have come to the conclusion that a talented pro can capture the fleeting moments of intense emotion in which the beauty and drama of the wedding shine through. I have never considered myself photogenic, and neither has Eric. Both of us dislike having our picture taken. However, I am mightily pleased by the images from our wedding, feeling that they capture a beauty I never knew was there. That is the alchemy of a talented photographer.

*One of the five best weddings I went to last summer, for sure.***
**Gorgeous, affordable letterpress, doncha' know!
***Total number of weddings attended last summer: 5. All so, so fun and perfect in their own way!

Three

Earlier in the week, my academic department noted with sadness the passing of two great visionaries: author J.D. Salinger, without whom many of us would not have made it through adolescence, and radical historian Howard Zinn, who demonstrated the power of combining scholarship and activism.

In sharing memories and stories of these great thinkers over email, someone commented "I hate to see who will go next to make it three."

Today, much to our horror, we found out who it was: we lost a young woman, a recent alum of the program I teach in, who was a doctoral student and administrative assistant in another program at the university.

She died in freak drowning accident last night, when she and some friends had gone to the beach to admire the full moon, appearing 30% brighter at its perigee. As she waded in the knee-deep water, she lost her balance, and was swept under and out to sea by a sudden large wave. Her friends -- one of whom was a former lifeguard and competitive swimmer -- tried to reach her, but the surf was too high and the undertow too strong.

Our students are in shock. They are a particularly tight-knit community. Lasting friendships are formed in the program, and graduates tend to remain in the same social circle. Because she worked on campus, she knew everyone, maintaining ties with alums, and meeting new students. When I arrived on campus as a new faculty member, she was one of the first people to welcome and orient me - even though she worked for a different department. We spoke often of shared interests.

It seems impossible that one so full of promise, so full of joy and life, could depart from us so quickly, without warning or reason.

This evening, our chair had planned to host a beginning of the semester party for faculty and students at his home. Instead, we had an impromptu wake at the home of our program coordinator - the glue of our department - who was her best friend and roommate.

I can't imagine the pain and sadness and helpless torment of losing a best friend this way: unable to help as she got pulled out to sea in the turbulent surf.

Others have told me that she was the type of person whom many called best friend - she attracted people to her, recognized their inner qualities, and encouraged them to shine. She gave voice to inner hopes and longings.

I stand in awe of the mysterious and capricious workings of the world that gives us the brilliant words and examples of Salinger and Zinn, on this Earth for 80 years or more, inspiring multiple generations; and takes suddenly one so young and full of promise and joy and potential. I know her death will bring our community together in certain ways, and leave gaps in other ways. We will try to make a meaningful story of her life and death to understand and comprehend it. Beyond that, the world remains inexplicable, too indeterminate to understand.

Again, I am reminded of the transitory nature of this life: a gift on loan from the Universe, that can be retrieved at any time and without warning.
Seize the day!
Live your dreams!
Hug your best friend!

Persimmon perfection

What an adorable and tasty way to do escort cards/ favors all in one! The persimmons could be delicious snacks, mid-party, when energy is waning.

From Erin Ever After, via Veiled Vows.

Now there's a whole new category in my mind: if we did it again, but slightly differently. This idea is definitely filed there.

Which is not to say that I would have done anything differently. Although people say that things will go wrong -- and it's certainly a good idea to be prepared for that eventuality -- I can honestly say that virtually nothing* went wrong.

Our persimmons were artfully scattered, along with pomegranates, as table decor. Local, seasonal, and easy to procure, they picked up the deeps reds and oranges of the flowers and gentlemen's ties.


Guests took home these healthy snacks. A month later, they are just eating last ones. The sturdiness of autumn foods like pumpkins, squashes and pomegranates makes me think of fortitude, forbearance, and persistence.

*To my knowledge, three rather minor things went wrong.** There might have been others, but I was blissfully unaware, having handed off the reins to our Day of Coordinator. I didn't even know about two of the glitches until the end of the evening, when Eric told me as we were driving away. I am so grateful that he shielded me from fretting about these details during the evening. The other incident -- the result of misunderstanding combined with a bit of deafness -- I dealt with in two minutes and then things were fine.


** Maybe there was a fourth: Guests weren't able to hear the splendid acoustic stylings of our friends during cocktail hour because of the poor acoustics of the reception space. Oh well.

Thanks to wedding guests Rob and Madeleine for the photos!

Godspeed, Team Matrimonial

Part of what made my journey toward the wedding extra special fun was that it was shared with four other couple friends: Data Monkey and Mountain Man Mike had the lead off last May. (We'll soon be going to a baby shower for those precocious kids!).

The wedding season really got rolling later in the summer, when the weddings of BootCamp, Dr. Cowgirl, and Doc Water and Doc Bee occurred in three consecutive months... leading up to the grand finale, Barefoot on the Beach Day, in late October.

The final three weddings were deeply intertwined. Doc Water and Dr. Cowgirl had been housemates in grad school and remain close friends. Doc Bee and Mr. Barefoot were grad school friends on the east coast, and both ended up in the Bay Area, where they collaborated on research projects. Dr. Cowgirl and I bonded during our first days of grad school when I admired her intricate ring, and I got to know Doc Water when they were housemates.

We were all at a dinner party, when Dr. Cowgirl's husband, the soon-to-be Dr. J, observed that he had never been at a party where everyone in attendance was married. All being newly married, none of the rest of us had either. Wow. Go, Team Matrimonial!

Sharing the ups and downs of the journey - as well as paper lanterns, twinkling lights, vases, invitation beta, decor tricks, registry advice, dress shopping expeditions, minor freakouts and hair styling tips - with these lovely folks made it ever so much more sweet and memorable.*

It was bittersweet, then, to bid Doc Water and Doc Bee farewell last night, as they gave away their house plants and cleaning products, and urged us to down what remained of their liquor cabinet, as they prepared to point their car east and begin new jobs in a distant southern metropolis.

Too soon, too soon! We just finished celebrating! Sometimes being a grownup kinda sucks.

*especially, perhaps, because I don't have sisters -- these ladies filled in on the pre-wedding girl-talk.

It makes me cry everytime

Though not necessarily crafty in the usual material sense, our friends are gifted when it comes to words, music, and images. Two of Mr. Barefoot's friends played folk and bluegrass music at the cocktail hour. You've already seen some of the fantastic photos friends and relatives shot that day.

The ceremony, which featured readings from my two brothers, two close college friends of mine, and three grad school friends of Mr. Barefoot's, along with a blessing from my mother, the one minister on site who had been ordained through a proper bricks-and-mortar seminary, was my favorite part of the day.

A dear friend became the Rev. Jo B for the day, repaying a debt, with interest - as he pointed out - incurred when I was flower girl, ring bearer, officiant, and witness at the impromptu ceremony atop a Kauai hill joining him and my dear college friend more than a decade ago. The children of this couple, along with my nephew were our adorable flower children.

Our officiant's wife, one of my dearest friends and Woman of Honor, read this poem. I tear up every time I read it.

Teodoro Luna's Two Kisses

Mr. Teodoro Luna in his later years had taken to kissing
His wife
Not so much with his lips as with his brows.
This is not to say he put his forehead
Against her mouth--
Rather, he would lift his eyebrows, once, quickly:

Not so vigorously he might be confused with the villain
Famous in the theaters, but not so little as to be thought
A slight movement, one of accident. This way
He kissed her
Often and quietly, across tables and through doorways,

Sometimes in photographs, and so through the years themselves.
This was his passion, that only she might see. The chance
He might feel some movement on her lips
Toward laughter.

-- Alberto Rios

A perfect beach day

This says it all!

And, yet, there's so much more to say.

Everything came together: the officiant, the weather, the families, the guests, the beach flags, the Quaker moment, the Ladies in Waiting and their dresses, the flowers, the flower children, the blessing, the music, the food, the wine, the cake, the sun, the sand, the hike (in the wedding dress!), the barefeet.

Yee-haw!!!

Blissful Bubble of Engagement vs. Real Life

The wedding books and blogs don't tell you that life doesn't stop when you decide to get married. I bought into the myth that a Blissful Bubble of Engagement would surround me after I started sporting that flashy ring, magically melting all obstacles and diversions that threatened to impede, in any way, my Big Day.

However, Real Life has carried on with its normal intensity: babies have been born, people have died, new relationships have formed, old ones have been strained, or strengthened, or both. More than one set of couple friends has broken up, resulting in both parties wanting to avoid situations focused around Love and Romance. Minus four, at least, from the guest list. The father of one wedding participant passed away not long ago. The wife of another recently had a baby, precluding their travel to participate in the wedding. My only remaining grandparent-age relative had a hip replacement, and another revered colleague had back surgery. Two more dear ones whom we will miss at the wedding.

Much more importantly, friends and family are coming from near and far - from all over the east coast and midwest, and even the UK and Australia (where my dad is coaching crew right now! Hi Pop!) - to celebrate with us. Our most recently married friends, Doc Water and Doc Bee, are concluding their honeymoon in Italy to return for the wedding. Family begins arriving Wednesday and Thursday, Friday night is our Welcome Dinner at a nearby brewery, Saturday is the Big Day.

No naked bridesmaids

FINALLY, after interminable email discussions, we found a dress that suits the color, style, and price requirements of all involved. I can't begin to imagine how long reaching consensus would have taken if I had more than TWO special ladies.

Here's the ironic thing: I didn't want to choose a dress for them. I felt funny telling grownups what to wear, when, after years of experimentation, they know what suits them best.

I suggested that they just each choose a lovely, floaty/ non-shiny dress in one of the wedding colors. But they insisted that I choose the dress - while maintaining veto power, because of the aforementioned hard-earned knowledge. That made for a lot of back and forth negotiations, and some near meltdowns on my part. ("What?!?!? They won't bend to my iron fashion will??!??! Are they really my friends??!?!?!")

Thank you, Anthropologie! Your half price sales are the salvation of girls everywhere with champagne tastes and beer budgets.

Is orange the new pink?

After seeing these vibrant centerpieces - Mason jars and all - at Doc Water's Yosemite wedding this past weekend,

And observing this spectacular chuppah quilt, handpieced by Doc Water's new mother-in-law,


Which was vaguely reminiscent of the flowers interwoven into the shelter at Bootcamp's wedding,

where she carried these beautiful orange posies,

I'm now wondering if my color scheme of persimmon and pomegranate
is just a wee bit derivative?

On the positive side, at least I'm "on trend."

I wonder if Doc Water and Bootcamp will feel a sense of deja vu in October?

Contagious

Ha! He's caught the shopping bug. Mr. Barefoot is scrolling through potential gifts for the ushers.*

toybreaker

toybreaker

Rabbitstop

He's even looking at gifts for the ladies!

toybreaker

That's my guy!!!

*Our inclusive wedding entourage consists of a whole mess o' ushers, both male and female, some of whom double as readers, and two Women of Honor. We had to bend the system to our situation. Some of Mr. Barefoot's closest friends are women; he has no siblings. Two of my most important people are my brothers (no sisters). I have two very dear friends from college; Mr. Barefoot has a circle of friends and didn't want to choose just one best man. Plus, we wanted to involve lots of our friends in the wedding. What to do? Co-ed usher-readers, and two special Women of Honor.

Scenes from a cowgirl wedding

The farm gate, with flowers and a bit of tulle to indicate the festivities to come...

Look at those dark, dark cloud obscuring the Grand Teton. Fortunately, they cleared in time for an outdoor ceremony. A snap decision was reached at 4:00, and chairs were set up, overlooking the river in front of Dr. Cowgirl's parent's house.



Dr. Cowgirl and her husband. Dontcha love a wedding with an Airstream, where even the groom wears boots?

The escort cards reflected the local flora, and the couple's love of native plants. (Bay Area friends were all seated at the California poppy table.)




Inspiration for the escort cards...

But it was the little nieces, four-wheeling in the pink Jeep, who stole the show!

Hug O'War

This is where we were in Idaho, on the west side of the Tetons, for Dr. Cowgirl's wedding, in front of her parents' house. After two days of violent thundershowers, the skies had magically cleared, just in time for the half-past five ceremony.


We sat admiring the view of the Snake River winding through the property, and the wildflowers, golden in the evening's glow.

Then, a little girl, Dr. Cowgirl's niece, dressed in white, read this poem, flowing like the river.

Tug O'War vs. Hug O'War

I will not play at tug o' war.

I'd rather play at hug o' war,

Where everyone hugs

Instead of tugs,

Where everyone giggles

And rolls on the rug,

Where everyone kisses,

And everyone grins,

And everyone cuddles,

And everyone wins.


by Shel Silverstein
Where the Sidewalk Ends

Shivers!

And she danced the night away...