Notes from the field: Yosemite wedding

We had a spectacular time at Doc Water and Doc Bee's Yosemite wedding last fall. (It was so much fun that I took very few pictures!) Doc Water is one of those people who knows absolutely everyone, so it came as no surprise that one of her brother's in law was the co-owner of a lodge in Yosemite that was a perfect wedding venue.

Somehow, in the midst of finishing postdocs and preparing to move to the East Coast, the two doctors put together a super-fun and stylish wedding weekend, that included a scavenger hut, a crazy hat party, feathered angels wings, matching socks for all the male relatives, plenty of dancing, and, if the rumors are to be believed, some midnight streaking.

Read all about it at San Francisco Style Unveiled. And see a bunch more photos at First Comes Love - this is my favorite!

Recap #3: An officiant for the pan-religionist and the agnostic

The tradition of marrying within one's faith, as a member of religious community, certainly simplifies the decisions about where and by whom to be married. But what if you're a dabbler in many religions /practitioner of none (me) or an agnostic-leaning-atheist (him)?

We settled the location question with the closest thing we have to religion: a deep, shared love for the outdoors, and chose a place that had personal meaning to us. That it was gorgeous and nearby were huge bonuses.

Now that we had the place, who would preside? This was one of the hardest decisions of the wedding planning process, and the one that took the longest to nail down. We considered a Buddhist teacher I'd met at a retreat once. He had great humor and flair, and plenty of wise insights. But we wanted the wedding to comprise people who really know us, and this teacher probably wouldn't recognize me if we ran into each other on a crowded San Francisco street. Next...

My mother, the ordained minister? A seemingly obvious choice. But I wanted my mom to be my mom that day, not worried about conducting a service, and I didn't want to exclude Eric's non-religious family.

Finally, we settled on each choosing one opposite gender friend to co-officiate (he would select a female friend, I would select a guy). It seemed very balanced and progressive and community-oriented. His friend said 'yes.' I dilly-dallied and procrastinated about asking mine. The summer crept along. Then we found out that his friend was going through a personally challenging time, and wouldn't be able to officiate.

Then we found out that my friend was facing a personally challenging time, as well. Did I dare add additional stress to his life by asking him to officiate? I hoped he would see it as the great honor that we meant it to be, but I worried that it would unnecessarily complicate his life (though as we know, a wedding is not an imposition).

Much to my relief, he agreed to officiate (after quickly becoming a minister of the Universal Life Church Monastery), on the condition that Eric and I put together the ceremony so that he would simply serve as its Master of Ceremonies and organizer.

And what an MC he was! He knew well how long and circuitous the journey to this particular moment had been - his voice cracked with emotion more frequently than mine! To me, that truly honored the gravity of the commitment we were making, far more than someone whose experience with such ceremonies would cause them to be practiced and smooth. I feel privileged knowing we are (probably) the only people ever to have the honor of being married by this friend.

And, I will have to start studying hard to repay my debt in kind: do you know, he asked after the ceremony, how difficult it will be will be to find a rabbi for my son's bar mitzvah?

A wedding hike

I had very few particular dreams about my wedding. However, I'd always known that I wanted to be barefoot: grounded to the earth, and bare-headed: open to the sky.

These requirements meant that the wedding had to be outdoors. I had dreamed of getting married high on a bluff, reflecting our love of the mountains, but we knew that for the comfort of our younger and older guests, this was not to be. When we found a reception site less than a mile from the beach (itself a few miles from where we got engaged), it was clearly the ideal spot. The location was even more special because I had once worked on the land, restoring native plants to the area.

We could incorporate our love of hiking and the outdoors into the ceremony, by inviting guests to park at the reception site, and stroll 20 minutes down to the beach.


While Beach Day dawned sunny and bright, the fog moved in at midday, obscuring my vision of the 'perfect' day. My friends insisted that the fog added a romantic, ethereal touch. I tried to believe them. The previous day's rehearsal had been hot and sunny. Where was that weather when we needed it???


But where is the beach? On a clear day, you can see the waves from this point.




Not only was it foggy, it was chilly. Our guests are bundled up in heavy coats!


Such dense fog! Those faint white lines at the top of the photo are chairs at the ceremony site on the beach. From the crest of the path, you can see the beach, and Rodeo Lagoon, separated from the ocean by a thin strip of sand.


Oh, there are the chairs! But where are the waves??? The fog is so thick you can hardly see the water from the beach.


The walk to the beach was one of the very best parts of an utterly fantastic day. The festivities had officially begun, but we weren't yet in deeply in the swirl of it. It was just the nearest and dearest, out for a hike, albeit in fancy clothes.

Two of my oldest friends - my Ladies in Waiting, as they dubbed themselves - helped carry the back of my dress, keeping me from fleeing, we joked.
"This is surreal. I don't feel like myself," I said, struggling to remain calm.
"This is a ritual moment of transition. You're not supposed to feel like yourself," one of the Ladies sagely responded.

Guests gathered in the gloom on the beach.




When guests reached the beach, they could kick off their shoes and wiggle their toes in the sand. I wore spangled flip-flops for the walk, replacing them with the glorious Jimmy Choos later for dancing.


Here we come... The fog is lifting! Hooray!


Fog lifting over the lagoon....


The last wisps of fog are vanquished by the warm, autumn sunshine!
An apt metaphor for love.

Thanks to guests Madeleine and Srabani for the photos!

A week on the California coast

After the amazing-ness of Barefoot on the Beach Day (about which I have much, much more to say very soon),

Most folks enjoyed the sand between their toes!
(Thanks to Mr. Barefoot's talented cousin Madeleine for these photos.)

we took off up the coast to rustic Elk, in Mendocino county, and stayed in the Garden Cottage, with spectacular views of the ocean and gardens, at Greenwood Pier Inn. Thank goodness for a day and a half of R&R - I have never been so tired in my whole life. Every time I sat down, I nodded off.

From our second story deck, we watched the fog recede, roll in, head out again, and then decorate the sunset. We soaked in the hottub under gnarled cypress and twinkling stars. We ate leftover wedding cake and drank champagne in bed.

Today, I head along the coast in the other direction, for an annual departmental retreat in Big Sur. Originally, I was worried about missing the first few days. Now, I'm grateful to have a reprieve from teaching this week, while the new reality sinks in.

It seems strange to leave my brand-new husband just after making it official. My brother, who got married at City Hall one weekend in DC, while his fiancee/ wife was living in NYC, assures me that the separation that followed their marriage did no harm. (They now have two kids and seem happy as clams!)

And, we'll be heeding the words of one of our wedding readers, who, quoting Kahlil Gibran, instructed us:

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

More soon....

A perfect beach day

This says it all!

And, yet, there's so much more to say.

Everything came together: the officiant, the weather, the families, the guests, the beach flags, the Quaker moment, the Ladies in Waiting and their dresses, the flowers, the flower children, the blessing, the music, the food, the wine, the cake, the sun, the sand, the hike (in the wedding dress!), the barefeet.

Yee-haw!!!

Blissful Bubble of Engagement vs. Real Life

The wedding books and blogs don't tell you that life doesn't stop when you decide to get married. I bought into the myth that a Blissful Bubble of Engagement would surround me after I started sporting that flashy ring, magically melting all obstacles and diversions that threatened to impede, in any way, my Big Day.

However, Real Life has carried on with its normal intensity: babies have been born, people have died, new relationships have formed, old ones have been strained, or strengthened, or both. More than one set of couple friends has broken up, resulting in both parties wanting to avoid situations focused around Love and Romance. Minus four, at least, from the guest list. The father of one wedding participant passed away not long ago. The wife of another recently had a baby, precluding their travel to participate in the wedding. My only remaining grandparent-age relative had a hip replacement, and another revered colleague had back surgery. Two more dear ones whom we will miss at the wedding.

Much more importantly, friends and family are coming from near and far - from all over the east coast and midwest, and even the UK and Australia (where my dad is coaching crew right now! Hi Pop!) - to celebrate with us. Our most recently married friends, Doc Water and Doc Bee, are concluding their honeymoon in Italy to return for the wedding. Family begins arriving Wednesday and Thursday, Friday night is our Welcome Dinner at a nearby brewery, Saturday is the Big Day.

"You're my kind of bride"

I knew I'd found the right florist, when Silke of Local Flora, said that to me.

Before we even got down to the details of arrangements and colors, we had a long talk about sustainability, and pesticides, and local growers, and why it's so hard to find organic flowers. (Answer: consumers demand perfect petals, and growers have difficulty making ends meet if they have to throw away too many munched blooms.) Silke said that the market for organic flowers is in its infancy, in the same way that the market for organic food was ten years ago. Many people don't realize the amounts of pesticides used on flowers or the concomitant dangers (a topic I wrote about here), and don't think to request organic flowers. She and her shop are working to nurture the local supply of organic flowers by working with individual growers, and buying extra blooms from individuals with extensive organic gardens.

Her gorgeous designs show that you don't have to give up elegance by going local and organic.

I showed Silke my favorite flower inspiration image (via SMP), and then said, "But no roses." She didn't bat an eye.
She grabbed some sunflowers - organic ones are easily available - along with some coxcomb and dark red dahlias, and started putting together a bouquet full of bright colors and interesting textures as I watched.

Now the only question is how many corsages and boutonnieres to order for our non-traditional band of wedding helpers.

Hairplay

Ok, so I've got this...


To wear above my halter-style, ruffle-necked gown (more than that, I cannot yet reveal...).

But what to do with my hair?

We'll be on a (potentially windy) beach, and indoors latter in the evening. I want to look elegant, sophisticated, and timeless, as befitting the occasion.

And, at the same time, I want the whole day (weekend!) to be organic, fun, real. Contradictory? Maybe not. The inimitable Kate Winslet often channels the vibe I aspire to. I like the wabi-sabi of hair that is not completely perfect. To wit...

source

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Which do you like best with my fascinator and veil?

The Doctor is In

source

After nine long years of grad school (five in my current program; three on the east coast; one doing fieldwork), I am Phinally Done, having the requirements for a doctorate in my field by submitting my dissertation (all 429 pages of it, chock full o' fifty-cent words like soteriological, neoliberal, and epistemology!) last Friday.

So, after years of work at this august institution, what do you get?
(Besides a diploma, I mean, which won't be available until next spring...)

Just like going to the dentist, you get a lollipop!







I was dancing on air when I left the graduate degrees office, clutching the most expensive and coveted lollipop in history last Friday!

Mr. Barefoot and I spent the rest of the day enjoying our sunny back deck with friends I hadn't seen in months, since I'd been buried up to my neck in books.

We had cake from the spectacular La Farine...

and bubbly,
and plenty of G&Ts...

and a surprise viewing of the ringbearer outfit
for a nephew in Doc Water and Doc Bee's wedding...

How cute is that???

But, wait, it gets better...

Yes, it definitely needed a chapeau!

I believe that adorable yumminess is from here.

And that, dear and patient readers (thanks to those of you who stuck around!), is why this blog has been short on wedding planning goodness in recent weeks.

But fear not!

With Doc Water and Doc Bee's wedding just around the corner, Dr. Cowgirl's wedding to recap, a post about handmade wedding rings, and news about the dress, the invites, the flowers, and the DJ conundrum, and more to share, I'll get back in touch with my Inner Bride, and have my Wed Head back in no time.

Plus, Shoegate continues... I didn't fall for the sexy Chie Miharas, but neither did I find that ideal hip, funky, professional shoe.

And tomorrow is New Faculty Orientation.

Will I be Barefoot?

Mountaintop dancing

This was the spectacular sunset view from BootCamp's wedding reception dinner halfway up Mammoth Mountain, in California's eastern Sierras. Those jagged peaks in the middle are the Minarets, named for their resemblance to the minarets of Moslem mosques, and to the right is Ritter Peak.
All the guests rode the gondolas to the top of Mammoth Mountain for cocktails at the summit. We were lucky to catch a lift with the gorgeous bride herself! Check out the mountains behind her.

I love the orange of the rose in the bouquet, and decorating the ceremony space below. BootCamp's dress was perfection itself - lustrous ivory silk and lace, suiting her perfectly because it was made just for her by a local dressmaker.

I do believe that was the most unique place I've ever had cocktails! I wish I'd taken more pictures... I was so caught up in the incongruity of fancy drinks at 11,000 feet that I neglected my camera. We were all a little spacey at that elevation.

After an hour or two of admiring the incredible 360 degree views of mountains as far as the eye could see - well into Nevada - we road the gondola halfway down the mountain to McCoy Station, the ski lodge at 10,000 feet, for dinner and dancing. Dancing at 10,000 feet is quite an aerobic workout. I felt like I'd sprinted three miles after each song!

The most memorable toast of the evening occurred when the 25 nieces, nephews and younger cousins assembled on the dance floor, and shouted in unison: WE WANT MORE COUSINS! (No pressure there!)

Though they had the traditional elements of first dance, and father/daughter and mother/son dances, they dispensed with the bouquet and garter toss, which I don't think anyone missed. We were all to busy reveling in the beautiful scenery, the wonderful new connections, the open bar and the slammin' DJ.

Had I been more attentive to my camera, I could have shown you how the pine cone/ pine needle design on the invitations matched the decor at the reception - pine cones and branches, interspersed with black and white photos of BootCamp, Mr. BootCamp and their families, displayed on copper wire stands attached a river rocks (an idea I am totally stealing!). The pine motif echoed the stained glass in the entryway at BootCamp's parents' house in Mammoth, and the simple ceremony decor, below.
Both BootCamp and Mr. BootCamp are outdoor fanatics - incredibly fit hiker/biker/ runner/ climber types, so the outdoor setting of the ceremony, in the Forest Chapel at the base of the mountain, and the classy, yet low key, feeling of the weekend suited them perfectly. I'm wishing them many, many adventurous years ahead!

Right before we ran...

near Lake George in the eastern Sierra

Mammoth, California

The mama bear said GGGRRRRROOOOOOOWWWWLLLLLL!

We were in the Sierra for the wedding of my friend BootCamp: wedding in the Forest Chapel at 9000 feet; drinks on top of Mammoth Mountain (11,000 feet, where you're already a bit lightheaded); dinner and dancing partway down the mountain at 10,000 feet.

Running from bears at any elevation: priceless.

More ways to cut costs

Studio Blue photography is offering 20% off packages booked now, starting at $992 for six hours of coverage.

Ajalon Printing and Design, which I discovered via elefantitas alegras, has an *amazing* letterpress special:

100 invitations, enclosure cards, and envelopes for $398!

What a deal!

Quick: they've got to be ordered by June 30, 2009.

If our invitations were not already well under way, I'd totally be going for something like this:


Or this


More reasons to love it: They're based in Sonoma County, the heart of California wine country, where they print on 100% recycled cotton paper (tree-free) and use soy-based inks.



Green and gorgeous.

I am humbled

No more complaining about the difficulty of planning a wedding and finishing my dissertation at the same time.

This girl graduated fourth in her class, and got accepted to Harvard (and 19 other top-flight colleges and universities), while being homeless and attending 12 schools in 12 years.

Pure grit, and totally inspirational. Go read her story.

Floroptimist

I came across small stump + studio choo, just down the coast in Pacifica, via shiny happy weddings. Loving these slightly wild, organic-looking arrangements, using locally grown seasonal flowers. Check out the goodies in their shop, too.