From the land and back again: A Virginia farm wedding

Let me present Exhibit A in my case that weddings can be gorgeous, green and environmentally-conscious.  Marisa, who blogs at Park & Belmont,  responded to my call for stories and inspiration about planning a consciously sustainable and eco-friendly wedding.  Oh boy, did she ever succeed!  The flowers for the wedding, and much of the food, were grown on her family's farm, where the wedding was held.  Even better, the biodegradable cutlery and plates went back into the land as compost after the wedding.  Talk about coming full circle.

We spent about $12,000 on our wedding for 250 people which took place on my family's farm in Rappahannock County, Virginia.

The Place:  A family tradition

Padua is an extremely important place to our family. It originally was owned my great-grandmother and my grandmother, and though my parents are the primary "owners" of the house and the fields, when I refer to "our family" I'm also including my father's 8 brothers and sisters and their children (my cousins). It is an important and wonderful place to all of us, and I hope a few of my cousins will decide to get married at Padua as well.

While the venue was taken care of, it look a lot of sweat to get the farm in order. We spent many weekend planting and seeding the garden and building rock walls. Getting the farm in order was hard, but it was also a moving experience as both sides of the extended family came to help on several work days.

Jon and I are up there quite a bit (though not as much as we were prior to the wedding).  It is a small farm, but it is functioning. My mother sells her produce, flowers and pies at the Charlottesville farmers market every weekend and we have six cows which roam the numerous acres at their leisure and which will eventually become organic grass fed beef.

The Wedding Vision: "Local, seasonal and beautiful" [and clearly a ton of fun!]

Our primary goal, was that our wedding be local, seasonal and beautiful. We also wanted a wedding that was laid back, fun and inviting.  

My dress was J. Crew and came from OnceWed. It was a steal ($58!!!!).  

My mother, her two best friends and my maid of honor created all 11 bridal bouquets, all 28 table centerpieces, and "aisle" flowers for the wedding. 

All of the flowers were seasonal and were grown locally by our family or my mother's friends.  They were absolutely stunning.

The Food:  Regional delicacies

We have large families and good food is important to both sets of relatives.  Having good food was definitely the most important aspect of our wedding. Jon's family is from Wisconsin and so our appetizers were Kewaskum cheese and summer sausagues, driven down from Kewaskum, Wisconsin by Jon's amazing aunts and uncles three days before the wedding. 

We hooked up with a local county caterer who used lots of veggies from our late August harvest in her recipes, thus discounting the total fee and ensuring the food was local.  Rather than serve one main course, we had pulled pork barbque and 20 different salads.  We had pie for dessert, all baked by my amazing and awesome mother, made with apples from Nelson County, Virginia.  

Seriously, so much love went into the food - it was the best part of the wedding and there was more than enough food for everyone.  The beer was Starr Hill, brewed an hour and a half away in Crozet, Virginia, (the brewery provided biodegradable cups), and the Wine was Gabrielle Rausse, a Virginia vinter (and luckily a family friend) located just outside of Charlottesville, Virginia.

The Special Touches:  Edible, Reusable, Decomposable

We had clearly labled [composting] bins that were obvious to even the tipsiest of guests.  The day after the wedding was spent properly composting the plates and cutlery with my brother in our family's garden. [Eds. note:  Call me a green geek, but this is my absolute favorite detail of the wedding!  I love the idea of the party leftovers returning to the ground to enrich the soil at the family farm.]

Our wedding would have been squat if it wasn't for our family and friends.  They helped us so much- our DJ was a dear friend, and his wife (one of my bridesmaids) made chocolate covered pretzel favors for guests.

 The majority of our guests camped out, but those who chose not to were bused in and taken home at the end of the night, thus reducing the number of cars on the road and preventing DUIs and accidents.

Again, our wedding would have been nothing without the love and support of our family and friends.

The amount of effort that goes into creating a sustainable, practical, local wedding is huge.  Not only was September 5, 2009 the day that Jon and I promised to love and cherish each other for the rest of our days, it was the day that two families came together as one community, and had a rocking good time :).  The fact that everyone participated and enjoyed themselves  added even more value to this already important day. Jon and I felt so unbelievably loved it was incredible.

Our photographer, the wonderful and amazing Denny Henry, is a former co-worker of mine, and did a fantastic job capturing the mood of the wedding.

I asked Marisa what prompted her to plan her wedding with an eye to environmental sustainability.  She said:

I don't think anything really prompted us to take considerations for a green, local, sustainable wedding--it is just who we are, as a couple and as a family.  My parents have always tried to live and create a sustainable lifestyle and it has rubbed off on me...lucky I have married a man who embraces sustainability whole-heartedly. Growing up in Charlottesville, we had a large garden and chickens in our back yard (for eggs), we never had a dishwasher, always recycled, composted and always sun dried our clothes (my mother has never even owned a dryer, and I don't think even knows how to work one).  As a kid, I think I was sometimes embarrassed of how "into sustainability" my parents were, but now that I'm older I'm so grateful that their values have been ingrained in me! The wedding just was the way it was because that is how our family operates, we are frugal, like our food and flowers fresh and local, respect the earth, and are blessed with amazing and creative friends and family.  I don't think Jon and I could have had a wedding that was any other way. It was just us. We felt comfortable, we felt like ourselves. It was beautiful. 

Beautiful, indeed!  Thank you so much, Marisa, for taking the time to walk us through the details of your gorgeous wedding, and for sharing inspiration for other sustainability-minded brides and grooms!  

This wedding has so many wonderful sustainability-oriented principles and practices, not the least of which is giving the guests a place to camp overnight, so they don't have to worry about drinking and driving.  And, composting = love!   

I'm looking forward to sharing other examples of weddings planned with environmental sustainability in mind.  If you've got something to share, please send it my way.  
Green smooches to all!

Notes from the field: Haven't we been here before?

A year ago, I went to Data Monkey and Mountain Man Mike's wedding at the gorgeous, redwood-clad Pema Ose Ling, in the Santa Cruz mountains.

Today, I go to another wedding in the same spot.  I've never been to the same wedding venue twice.  I'm so curious how it will be different.

It will be different for me:  I'm going stag, because Eric has to work.  I haven't gone solo to a wedding in quite a few years.  I thought that was over, now that I have a date-for-life. 

But I'm not about to miss a good party, where I'll get to see some of my wedding gear have a second (or third) life.  So happy to keep the wedding co-op going.

Notes from the field: Yosemite wedding

We had a spectacular time at Doc Water and Doc Bee's Yosemite wedding last fall. (It was so much fun that I took very few pictures!) Doc Water is one of those people who knows absolutely everyone, so it came as no surprise that one of her brother's in law was the co-owner of a lodge in Yosemite that was a perfect wedding venue.

Somehow, in the midst of finishing postdocs and preparing to move to the East Coast, the two doctors put together a super-fun and stylish wedding weekend, that included a scavenger hut, a crazy hat party, feathered angels wings, matching socks for all the male relatives, plenty of dancing, and, if the rumors are to be believed, some midnight streaking.

Read all about it at San Francisco Style Unveiled. And see a bunch more photos at First Comes Love - this is my favorite!

Dr. Cowgirl rides again!

In the midst of all the thoughtful and personal discussions about body image, self perceptions and photography going on, I feel a little bit funny about re-posting these photos that recapitulate the slim-white-attractive paradigm. I'm not at all saying this is what a wedding should be -- though it's what a wedding could be. And it's certainly not the fact that these two happen to be utterly adorable that makes them worthy of posting on my blog.


However, this was one of the most fun weddings I went to last summer.* Mountains, fields, camping, thunderstorms, hail, sundresses & down jackets, cowboy boots, wildflowers, gin and juice, and dancing in a barn to the most kickin' bluegrass band ever.


Dr. Cowgirl and I shared the journey through rings, dresses, location, decor... all of it. We tried on countless dresses together, visited Mercurio Brothers** to order our invitations together, shared schemes about vases and bottles for decor.

I've showed you a bit of her wedding here. Those few snapshots hardly did justice to the beauty of the ceremony, the generosity of her family, and awesomeness of the Rocky Mountain landscape. So when Dr. Cowgirl forwarded the link to some of her photos by Katy Gray at The Bride's Cafe, I knew I'd have to post some here.

Her wedding took place at her parents' property in Tetonia, Idaho, just west of Grand Teton and Yellowstone National Parks.
Guests were invited to camp on the property, overlooking the Teton River and the mountain ranges. It was convenient to be so close to the festivities in a tent with a view. We would have been there all weekend, too, if it weren't for a ridiculous storm blowing in...

Dr. Cowgirl's niece read a lovely passage from Where the Sidewalk Ends, that I posted here.

The skies finally cleared in the evening. Shouldn't everyone have an Airstream trailer glowing in the moonlight?

See more of Katy Gray's lovely work- including more Airstream shots, and a couple great claw-foot bathtub images - here.

I should also mention that these photos - plus my own, by Kate Harrison - have convinced me of the value of a professional photographer. Initially, dumbfounded by the expense involved, I was planning to forgo the professional and count on the cameras of numerous family and friends. However, I have come to the conclusion that a talented pro can capture the fleeting moments of intense emotion in which the beauty and drama of the wedding shine through. I have never considered myself photogenic, and neither has Eric. Both of us dislike having our picture taken. However, I am mightily pleased by the images from our wedding, feeling that they capture a beauty I never knew was there. That is the alchemy of a talented photographer.

*One of the five best weddings I went to last summer, for sure.***
**Gorgeous, affordable letterpress, doncha' know!
***Total number of weddings attended last summer: 5. All so, so fun and perfect in their own way!

Recap #3: An officiant for the pan-religionist and the agnostic

The tradition of marrying within one's faith, as a member of religious community, certainly simplifies the decisions about where and by whom to be married. But what if you're a dabbler in many religions /practitioner of none (me) or an agnostic-leaning-atheist (him)?

We settled the location question with the closest thing we have to religion: a deep, shared love for the outdoors, and chose a place that had personal meaning to us. That it was gorgeous and nearby were huge bonuses.

Now that we had the place, who would preside? This was one of the hardest decisions of the wedding planning process, and the one that took the longest to nail down. We considered a Buddhist teacher I'd met at a retreat once. He had great humor and flair, and plenty of wise insights. But we wanted the wedding to comprise people who really know us, and this teacher probably wouldn't recognize me if we ran into each other on a crowded San Francisco street. Next...

My mother, the ordained minister? A seemingly obvious choice. But I wanted my mom to be my mom that day, not worried about conducting a service, and I didn't want to exclude Eric's non-religious family.

Finally, we settled on each choosing one opposite gender friend to co-officiate (he would select a female friend, I would select a guy). It seemed very balanced and progressive and community-oriented. His friend said 'yes.' I dilly-dallied and procrastinated about asking mine. The summer crept along. Then we found out that his friend was going through a personally challenging time, and wouldn't be able to officiate.

Then we found out that my friend was facing a personally challenging time, as well. Did I dare add additional stress to his life by asking him to officiate? I hoped he would see it as the great honor that we meant it to be, but I worried that it would unnecessarily complicate his life (though as we know, a wedding is not an imposition).

Much to my relief, he agreed to officiate (after quickly becoming a minister of the Universal Life Church Monastery), on the condition that Eric and I put together the ceremony so that he would simply serve as its Master of Ceremonies and organizer.

And what an MC he was! He knew well how long and circuitous the journey to this particular moment had been - his voice cracked with emotion more frequently than mine! To me, that truly honored the gravity of the commitment we were making, far more than someone whose experience with such ceremonies would cause them to be practiced and smooth. I feel privileged knowing we are (probably) the only people ever to have the honor of being married by this friend.

And, I will have to start studying hard to repay my debt in kind: do you know, he asked after the ceremony, how difficult it will be will be to find a rabbi for my son's bar mitzvah?

Godspeed, Team Matrimonial

Part of what made my journey toward the wedding extra special fun was that it was shared with four other couple friends: Data Monkey and Mountain Man Mike had the lead off last May. (We'll soon be going to a baby shower for those precocious kids!).

The wedding season really got rolling later in the summer, when the weddings of BootCamp, Dr. Cowgirl, and Doc Water and Doc Bee occurred in three consecutive months... leading up to the grand finale, Barefoot on the Beach Day, in late October.

The final three weddings were deeply intertwined. Doc Water and Dr. Cowgirl had been housemates in grad school and remain close friends. Doc Bee and Mr. Barefoot were grad school friends on the east coast, and both ended up in the Bay Area, where they collaborated on research projects. Dr. Cowgirl and I bonded during our first days of grad school when I admired her intricate ring, and I got to know Doc Water when they were housemates.

We were all at a dinner party, when Dr. Cowgirl's husband, the soon-to-be Dr. J, observed that he had never been at a party where everyone in attendance was married. All being newly married, none of the rest of us had either. Wow. Go, Team Matrimonial!

Sharing the ups and downs of the journey - as well as paper lanterns, twinkling lights, vases, invitation beta, decor tricks, registry advice, dress shopping expeditions, minor freakouts and hair styling tips - with these lovely folks made it ever so much more sweet and memorable.*

It was bittersweet, then, to bid Doc Water and Doc Bee farewell last night, as they gave away their house plants and cleaning products, and urged us to down what remained of their liquor cabinet, as they prepared to point their car east and begin new jobs in a distant southern metropolis.

Too soon, too soon! We just finished celebrating! Sometimes being a grownup kinda sucks.

*especially, perhaps, because I don't have sisters -- these ladies filled in on the pre-wedding girl-talk.

A wedding hike

I had very few particular dreams about my wedding. However, I'd always known that I wanted to be barefoot: grounded to the earth, and bare-headed: open to the sky.

These requirements meant that the wedding had to be outdoors. I had dreamed of getting married high on a bluff, reflecting our love of the mountains, but we knew that for the comfort of our younger and older guests, this was not to be. When we found a reception site less than a mile from the beach (itself a few miles from where we got engaged), it was clearly the ideal spot. The location was even more special because I had once worked on the land, restoring native plants to the area.

We could incorporate our love of hiking and the outdoors into the ceremony, by inviting guests to park at the reception site, and stroll 20 minutes down to the beach.


While Beach Day dawned sunny and bright, the fog moved in at midday, obscuring my vision of the 'perfect' day. My friends insisted that the fog added a romantic, ethereal touch. I tried to believe them. The previous day's rehearsal had been hot and sunny. Where was that weather when we needed it???


But where is the beach? On a clear day, you can see the waves from this point.




Not only was it foggy, it was chilly. Our guests are bundled up in heavy coats!


Such dense fog! Those faint white lines at the top of the photo are chairs at the ceremony site on the beach. From the crest of the path, you can see the beach, and Rodeo Lagoon, separated from the ocean by a thin strip of sand.


Oh, there are the chairs! But where are the waves??? The fog is so thick you can hardly see the water from the beach.


The walk to the beach was one of the very best parts of an utterly fantastic day. The festivities had officially begun, but we weren't yet in deeply in the swirl of it. It was just the nearest and dearest, out for a hike, albeit in fancy clothes.

Two of my oldest friends - my Ladies in Waiting, as they dubbed themselves - helped carry the back of my dress, keeping me from fleeing, we joked.
"This is surreal. I don't feel like myself," I said, struggling to remain calm.
"This is a ritual moment of transition. You're not supposed to feel like yourself," one of the Ladies sagely responded.

Guests gathered in the gloom on the beach.




When guests reached the beach, they could kick off their shoes and wiggle their toes in the sand. I wore spangled flip-flops for the walk, replacing them with the glorious Jimmy Choos later for dancing.


Here we come... The fog is lifting! Hooray!


Fog lifting over the lagoon....


The last wisps of fog are vanquished by the warm, autumn sunshine!
An apt metaphor for love.

Thanks to guests Madeleine and Srabani for the photos!

Scenes from a cowgirl wedding

The farm gate, with flowers and a bit of tulle to indicate the festivities to come...

Look at those dark, dark cloud obscuring the Grand Teton. Fortunately, they cleared in time for an outdoor ceremony. A snap decision was reached at 4:00, and chairs were set up, overlooking the river in front of Dr. Cowgirl's parent's house.



Dr. Cowgirl and her husband. Dontcha love a wedding with an Airstream, where even the groom wears boots?

The escort cards reflected the local flora, and the couple's love of native plants. (Bay Area friends were all seated at the California poppy table.)




Inspiration for the escort cards...

But it was the little nieces, four-wheeling in the pink Jeep, who stole the show!

Hug O'War

This is where we were in Idaho, on the west side of the Tetons, for Dr. Cowgirl's wedding, in front of her parents' house. After two days of violent thundershowers, the skies had magically cleared, just in time for the half-past five ceremony.


We sat admiring the view of the Snake River winding through the property, and the wildflowers, golden in the evening's glow.

Then, a little girl, Dr. Cowgirl's niece, dressed in white, read this poem, flowing like the river.

Tug O'War vs. Hug O'War

I will not play at tug o' war.

I'd rather play at hug o' war,

Where everyone hugs

Instead of tugs,

Where everyone giggles

And rolls on the rug,

Where everyone kisses,

And everyone grins,

And everyone cuddles,

And everyone wins.


by Shel Silverstein
Where the Sidewalk Ends

Shivers!

And she danced the night away...

Wedding trend: camping out

here, via FFFFOUND!

Is it just me and my low-impact, recycling-happy, granola-eating, mate-sipping friends, or is camping out for a wedding the new trend?

I've just returned from the third of five weddings this season (the final one being OURS!). We were encouraged to camp at two of the weddings, easily could've camped for the third and fourth, and are offering camping as an option for the fifth (ours).

I love getting outdoors, and camping and hiking have always been some of my preferred forms of recreation.... but I also think there's something slightly incongruous about camping out at a wedding.

On the plus side, camping is cheap and social and convenient. The most expensive campsite is a third or less the cost of a hotel room - an ever important consideration for a bunch of impoverished grad students. And this past weekend, the camping was free on Dr. Cowgirl's parents' land (no price is better than that!). With four weddings to travel to this summer, along with our own to plan, it would have been tough financially if we had not had low-cost accommodations options for some of them.

Camping is social: it's been great to hang out with the others in attendance without running from hotel to hotel. Sitting around late night campfires, drinking beer or roasting marshmallows, are some of my favorite memories ever. I think we're all trying to recreate those memories within our wedding weekends.

Camping on site is also safer and more convenient: since no driving is needed, everyone can party down without worrying about a designated driver. When the party's over - or when you've had enough - you just wander off to your tent and fall asleep. No need to wait until your partner or date is done partying, if they have more staying power than you do. This is a great option for parents: one parent can put the kid(s) to bed, while the other can easily drop in to check on them, or trade-off watching them.

This past weekend in the Tetons revealed one of the drawbacks of camping: you're at the mercy of the weather. Which was freezing! With torrential rain, wind, and pea-sized hail! While we knew it would be cold at night, no one expected the day time temperatures to get stuck in the mid-50s. We'd all brought cute little sundresses and pashminas, which sadly ended up buried under layers of fleece and down.

Which brings me to the other challenge of camping out at a wedding: getting ready. It's tricky to get dolled up in a tent. Mr. Barefoot wisely insisted on getting a hotel room for the night before the wedding, so that we could at least shower before the festivities. To escape the freezing, rainy weather, a couple of our friends ended up bunking with us, and we all elected to get a hotel room for the night of the wedding, rather than camp out in the cold. Had the weather been more cooperative, we would have been thrilled to wake up with the sun and a view of the river, but as it was, we were happy to have a roof over our heads.

The weddings I attended five or ten years ago were all about getting fancy in the city - elegant hotel rooms, cocktails at the bar, receptions in fancy ballrooms or country clubs. I like this new trend of more casual, rustic, low impact events -- and I definitely appreciate the inexpensive accommodations... all I need is the backcountry makeup mirror, and a battery-powered hairdryer.

Having you camped out at a wedding? What are your thoughts, pro or con?

Rockin' the Rockies

Remember Dr. Cowgirl?

In one of my very early posts, I asked for thoughts on her dress - she couldn't decide between a super simple one and a beaded one. (She got the beaded one and looks SMASHING! I wish I could show you... she modeled it at her bachelorette party, looking ridiculously gorgeous. I don't wanna blow her grand entrance.)

Here's another silly thing we made her do... she's kissing a banana slug. (More about banana slugs here - do you know what happens if you lick one?)


Now she's getting married, in just six days! She's been my wedding planning buddy all along -- we've been through decisions about invitations, table decor, dresses, vases, flowers, makeup, all of it. All while trying to keep social and environmental impacts in mind. It's been great to have a friend walking this path at the same time - I can't wait to hear what it's like on the other side!

Can't wait to party in the Rockies! My friend do pick the coolest wedding spots!

Mountaintop dancing

This was the spectacular sunset view from BootCamp's wedding reception dinner halfway up Mammoth Mountain, in California's eastern Sierras. Those jagged peaks in the middle are the Minarets, named for their resemblance to the minarets of Moslem mosques, and to the right is Ritter Peak.
All the guests rode the gondolas to the top of Mammoth Mountain for cocktails at the summit. We were lucky to catch a lift with the gorgeous bride herself! Check out the mountains behind her.

I love the orange of the rose in the bouquet, and decorating the ceremony space below. BootCamp's dress was perfection itself - lustrous ivory silk and lace, suiting her perfectly because it was made just for her by a local dressmaker.

I do believe that was the most unique place I've ever had cocktails! I wish I'd taken more pictures... I was so caught up in the incongruity of fancy drinks at 11,000 feet that I neglected my camera. We were all a little spacey at that elevation.

After an hour or two of admiring the incredible 360 degree views of mountains as far as the eye could see - well into Nevada - we road the gondola halfway down the mountain to McCoy Station, the ski lodge at 10,000 feet, for dinner and dancing. Dancing at 10,000 feet is quite an aerobic workout. I felt like I'd sprinted three miles after each song!

The most memorable toast of the evening occurred when the 25 nieces, nephews and younger cousins assembled on the dance floor, and shouted in unison: WE WANT MORE COUSINS! (No pressure there!)

Though they had the traditional elements of first dance, and father/daughter and mother/son dances, they dispensed with the bouquet and garter toss, which I don't think anyone missed. We were all to busy reveling in the beautiful scenery, the wonderful new connections, the open bar and the slammin' DJ.

Had I been more attentive to my camera, I could have shown you how the pine cone/ pine needle design on the invitations matched the decor at the reception - pine cones and branches, interspersed with black and white photos of BootCamp, Mr. BootCamp and their families, displayed on copper wire stands attached a river rocks (an idea I am totally stealing!). The pine motif echoed the stained glass in the entryway at BootCamp's parents' house in Mammoth, and the simple ceremony decor, below.
Both BootCamp and Mr. BootCamp are outdoor fanatics - incredibly fit hiker/biker/ runner/ climber types, so the outdoor setting of the ceremony, in the Forest Chapel at the base of the mountain, and the classy, yet low key, feeling of the weekend suited them perfectly. I'm wishing them many, many adventurous years ahead!