I could probably even pick up my order (on my bike!) to save on shipping. When you think about it, that's really more sustainable than ordering invitations from NY that have to be shipped all the way across the country, even if that press is powered by wind from Native Energy.
Mom and Stepdad agree that letterpress is the way to go (having apparently read Miss Manners - as Bride in Exile did - and learned that the only proper way to issue a formal invitation is via a handwritten note or an engraved invitation*), and kicked down some funds to support it (yay!). Next step is figuring out the proper wording to reflect the participation of all the sponsors of this party.
"In a perfect world, people would handwrite all of their formal invitations. But as we live in a world in which people wish to marry before of hundreds of their closest friends, and they claim to have more urgent tasks than copying out hundreds of invitations in their own dear handwriting, we substitute engraving.... The world is full of nasty people who examine backs of wedding invitations and run fingernails over the front in order to tell whether the thing was properly engraved. Miss Manners is one of them. Handwriting and engraving are equally correct; fake engraving and computer generated fonts are imposters."
Since at least 20 of our guests (out of 100-125) will be under the age of 10, activity books, like these adorable one that I just saw at We Met in a Bar, would probably help the kiddos enjoy the proceedings more.
Very much the sort of feeling I'd like our wedding to have (via Once Wed.)
When I first got engaged, I did absolutely nothing. I didn't call my parents right away. I didn't celebrate with friends (other than Mr. Barefoot). I didn't show anyone the ring at first. In fact, I stayed home for a couple of days. I just needed to sit with the idea and get used to it. I felt weird about not telling everyone right away, but getting married is such a big decision, it takes some time to sink in.
When I finally felt ready to start telling people, I rang up my best friend, and she immediately invited me over for Champagne. (That's what best friends do!) Her two kids, whom I've known since they were born, were busily working on art projects. I told the kids that I would be marrying Mr. Barefoot, and that I wanted them to dress up and carry flowers in the wedding. They immediately agreed, and the 7-year-old boy announced that he would make hundreds of origami peace cranes to decorate the wedding site.
Little did I know that, in addition to being a math prodigy, he is a wedding design prodigy. Origami cranes are everywhere! They're perfect for weddings because they symbolize honor, long life, and loyalty.
This is a particularly beautiful example, via Once Wed.
I checked in at the Broke Ass Bride the other day, where she listed all the vendors she has lined up for her wedding. Quite an impressive list of accomplishments!
I was especially curious about her florist, as Mr. Barefoot recently encouraged me to hire one.* Figuring that we'd be plenty busy with all the other wedding details, he didn't love my idea of trying to DIY with flowers from the San Francisco Flower Market (at the same time I'll be starting a new job, entertaining visiting friends and relatives, preparing for a conference, etc., oh, and getting married!)
Seeing that Broke Ass Bride had been able to find a florist that specializes in local, organic, and Veriflora certified** flowers down in LA, I figured that here in the crunchy People's Republic of Berkeley, it should be no problem. There are probably dozens of local, organic florists out there vying for my business, right?
Well, my first few web searches revealed very little. Clients praised the arrangements of one florist as being 'organic' but the adjective appeared to have more to do with the form than the content of the design. Another consultant promised to provide green decor and advice, but didn't show many floral designs. Although local, organic food; vintage/ organic wedding dresses; and sustainably-produced rings are popular for green weddings, organic flowers are harder to come by.
Finally, the Marin Organic Directory led me to Local Flora up in even crunchier Marin. I can't wait to meet this woman: she scavenged building materials from the Sonoma dump and used reclaimed barn lumber for her facility. Her organic flowers come from Cow Track Ranch, a woman-owned business in West Marin, and are delivered in a bio-diesel truck. And she'll arrange flowers in my vases for no extra fee. (Huge bonus, since I've collected a dozen blue glass vases from eBay and the 99 Cent Only store.***)
Why does all this matter? Flowers are heavily sprayed with pesticides, herbicides and fungicides, often by poorly-paid workers, who may lack proper protective gear. Environmental standards of countries in Asia, South America and Africa, where many flowers are grown, may be weaker than those of the US, allowing pesticides that are banned in the US to be used. Then the flowers are shipped overnight to the US - can you say CARBON EMISSIONS? Flowers grown in the US will be subject to stricter environmental and labor standards, but require lots of energy for their heated greenhouses. Thus, buying organic flowers that flourish under local, seasonal conditions can reduce many of these environmental and social impacts.
The best bet is to buy locally grown organic flowers locally. But if that's not possible, California Organic Flowers will deliver directly to your door (yes, carbon emissions again - this is tricky business). Local Harvest can help you find local vendors of organic food and flowers. VeriFlora can help you find flowers that are certified as sustainably-grown. * Because he knows that I care a lot more about aesthetics than he does.
**The VeriFlora Certified Sustainably Grown label ensures that your flowers are produced in a more environmentally- and socially-responsible manner.
(Mr. Barefoot is out of town; my Institution of Higher Learning is on spring break [which doesn't mean a damn thing to us dissertation writers]; all my meetings and errands were done this morning.)
Like A Mindful Bride said, this thing has a way of throwing life out of balance.
Mr. Barefoot announced "and we'll say in the programs..." "what programs?" I asked. "Oh, we have to have programs," he said, "It's a nice keepsake*, and to explain who's who, and so that people have something to read when the ceremony gets boring." "Will it go on long enough to get boring?" I asked. "Well, no, but people have to have something to look at..." And then we decided we could put little sudoku puzzles and mystery text like, "if you're reading this, we know you're really bored" to entertain people. So, one more project, and one more thing to seek inspiration for... And he wonders how I while away so many hours on the web!**
*does anyone beside Mr. Barefoot really keep these? Ok, I have the one from my BFF's wedding, but beyond that... ** I think he's going to have to be in charge of programs.
I started this blog as an outlet for my wedding stress - a place to store ideas in words and images so that I could easily get back to them, and not forget them. I figured at most, some friends and family might start to read as the wedding grew closer.
So it's incredibly affirming to find that people out there - who don't even know me! - take time out of their busy lives to read my musings. Thanks so much, ya'll, for coming 'round.
The Un-bride down in LA, who seems like a kindred spirit, planning her wedding for the day before mine, in SF, and whose writing I especially enjoy, graced me with this award sometime back, and I'm just now getting around to posting it and commenting on it. I'm so FLATTERED!
To further share the bloglove, here are the rule for this award:
1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate at least 10 blogs who show great ATTITUDE and /or GRATITUDE (when it comes to weddings, I'm going for the former...)
3. Be sure to link to your nominees in your post
4. Let them know they've received this award by commenting on their blog
5. Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received the award
I nominate these blogs as outstanding for showing great attitude and (and appropriate) gratitude:
I've been trying to figure out what this blog is really about, I mean beyond wedding planning. There's a whole galaxy of wedding blogs out there, so what separates this one from the rest?
I've come to the conclusion that it's my conviction that our actions make a difference, and we should try to minimize the negative social and environmental impacts of weddings. Image if every bride incorporated a few green aspects into her wedding - we'd change the world!
At the same time, we need not go the sack-cloths-and-burlap route (unless that's what you're really into!). Following your passions and desires - what really animates an event or a life and gives it spark - needn't be relinquished in an effort to go green. But neither should those desires run roughshod over the planet.
Watching "Say Yes to the Dress" the other night (guilty pleasure - but oh, how I love that show!), I couldn't help but be horrified at the $18,000 custom-made dress that the bride didn't like. She ended up choosing a different dress that cost $9000 more. People plan whole wedding for that amount!
In planning our wedding, Mr. Barefoot and I have tried to incorporate our values, and it's been pretty painless, since we both have extensive education and experience in the environmental field. Much of what we're doing with our wedding is what we already do in our daily life.
Let's start with the site: We love to be outdoors, we met at a party of a local outdoor group, so it was only natural that we'd find an outdoor site for our wedding. This choice is 'green' in a number of ways: in a beautiful outdoor setting, we'll need less in the way of decorations because we can depend on the beauty of the site. We don't need electricity during daylight hours. And often outdoor sites are cheap or free. (We had to pay for a $400 site permit, as the ceremony will be held in a national park).
The reception will be at the Headlands Center for the Arts, an artists’ residence center in a renovated former Army building (re-use!), a short walk from the beach. The proximity of the wedding and reception sites eliminates driving, and carbon dioxide emissions. We anticipate that some of the guests will want or need to drive between locations (a mile or two by road). However, most will join us on a short 15 minute walk down to the beach for the wedding ceremony. After the ceremony, the guests will be able to enjoy the spectacular scenery as they wander back to Headlands Center for the Arts for the reception.
To further reduce driving, we have reserved the Headlands Hostel, next door to the Headlands Center for the Arts, which will house 25 family members and close out-of-town friends for the weekend, Friday through Sunday. Housing close friends and family members on site will create plentiful opportunities for reconnecting and enjoying the Park. Camping weddings are another great way to allow everyone to connect and enjoy the outdoors, while reducing driving. Housing everyone at one or two B&Bs is another way to reduce driving.
While California may be particularly blessed with seasons and locations in which it's lovely to be outside, I suspect this strategy can be adapted to other parts of the country. Without sacrificing anything that was important to us, we were able to eliminating the need for a lot of driving, parking hassles, and most importantly, carbon emissions.
In researching artistic photojournalist wedding photographers around the Bay, I got a lot of recommendations, which I offer up here as advice from a friend-of-a-friend. I haven't personally worked with any of these photographers, but they were all recommended to me by good friends, which is always a good place to start.
I hope yesterday's post wasn't too much of downer, what with all the talk of blood diamonds. I like pretty things as much as the next girl, but I want to be conscious of where they're coming from. There are so many ways to reduce the impact of our jewelry: by using family heirlooms or vintage jewelry, by getting stones re-set, by seeking out sources, including local designers, that monitor the social and environmental impacts of their materials.
Doc Water pointed me to the beautiful designs here. If I didn't already have a ring, I'd be all over this
In more upbeat news, we met with and booked our photographer the other day, so I can check another thing off my list.
I have the practical blogosphere to thank for the introduction to the lovely and talented Kate Harrison. You may have seen her work at A Practical Wedding, where she sponsored a very generous contest, offering free wedding photography for someone who'd fallen on hard times in the recent economic downturn. As of yesterday, she told me that they had a winner, but hadn't heard from her yet. I hope she turns up, or maybe someone else will get a chance to benefit from Kate's service.
These are some of the images that let me know she was the One.
I've been meaning to write about my ring for awhile, because I'm just so happy that I could get something beautiful, and stylish, and sparkly, and also know that it 's creation wasn't having a devastating impact on people and the planet.
Though I'm well known for being a magpie because I have such a fondness for sparkly shiny things, I stopped wanting a diamond ring after I read a comment somewhere in the blogosphere that said 'do you really want the blood of a bunch of Africans on your hand?'. Well, thanks for putting it so graphically. Why no, I don't.
Diamond mining has been implicated in many of the social and environmental ills that have befallen Africa, and it behooves us to think about how First World consumption occurs on the backs of Third World suffering. Not to be too much of a downer, but I didn't want to start my life with Mr. Barefoot standing of the backs of children and exploited workers laboring in poor conditions in a toxic diamond mine.
Mr. Barefoot and I then considered using my grandmother's ring - but I wanted something new and all my own - or getting a vintage ring - but I'm a bit superstitious about the vibrations that metal can hold and transmit.
I looked at some socially-conscious ring makers like Green Karat and some local shops, but didn't love any of their designs.
Enter Brilliant Earth, and their conflict-free, sustainably-mined diamonds and recycled gold. I spent hours pouring over their website. The Offbeat Bride did a great post about them recently, with tons of details.
Even better was the fact that their showroom is just across the Bay in San Francisco. We BARTed over one morning, and had a lovely, no-pressure try on session with a knowledgeable consultant. I was glad we didn't get a ring online, because the one I loved on the website just didn't look that good on my hand. Eventually, we narrowed the options to a few and I left the final decision in Mr. Barefoot's hands.
Though I knew the ring was coming, I was stunned by his proposal (but that's a post for another day...). The ring is absolutely beautiful, sparkly, all that it should be, and I am so happy knowing that it was produced with the least negative impact on people and the planet possible. (It's also not very large, as was my desire, since I use my hands a lot and didn't want a big rock that was going to get caught on things all the time. However, I was none too pleased when a female friend (and ex) of Mr. Barefoot said, "Oh, how dainty [eg, tiny]!" Hilarious post about 'diamonds as dicks' here.)
What made the ring even more special is that PK, the Musical Marathoning Mammalogist, who got engaged several months before me, and Dr. Cowgirl, who got engaged about a month after me, also got their rings at Brilliant Earth. It feels very sweet to share this source with friends (see photo above). Now, I'm trying to convert the recently-engaged Water Doc to our club...
I think I've stumbled on a theme without even intending to.
The other night, after Mr. Barefoot had gone up to Tahoe to ski, leaving me the quiet of the house to peacefully work on my dissertation, I got sucked into the vortex that is ebay. I needed to order a few more vintage California postcards to use for additional Save the Date cards (thanks to the ever-expanding guest list!). But with bidding on ebay, you never really know if you're going to win what you want for the price you want, so I always bid on a few extras of this thing I'm looking for.
Before I knew it, I had placed bids on an additional 108 postcards - when we only needed like 10 more! And you know, ebay bids are not retractable once they're placed. (Yeah, I know, I should've just 'watched' the auctions, but at $2 here and $5 there, it didn't seem like much of a commitment to go ahead and bid... Until I saw that the total of outstanding bid I had was $42. Still, it won't break the bank.)
So then I set to wondering what I was going to do with 100 extra vintage postcards. I'm thinking maybe this is the theme for our wedding. We both love to send postcards from our travels (my middle brother is the only other person I know who still does this.) We had already been thinking about using postcards from different places we'd traveled together as table markers.
Now I'm thinking we can use the additional postcards as either 1) place cards on the tables, or 2) escort cards hung on a clothesline, with the guests' names and table numbers written on the back, or 3) places for the guests to write wishes to us. We could have a sign that says something like "Send us a postcard into the future for our adventures together" and guests could fill out postcards and place them in - oh! a little mailbox! which could also hold gift cards! - rather than writing in a guest book.
Plus, I love this theme idea because it's all reused - vintage, baby - so no new resources are required to make these decorations, and it totally reflects us. What do you think? Which one(s) of these options would work the best?
We've been thinking that we'd probably not do favors, as we didn't want to give people another bit of useless, plastic kitsch that they'd have to get rid of afterward.
That said, though, I have a few favors from friends' weddings that I really treasure. When a dear Korean friend, let's call her Style Doc, got married, everyone got a pair of small hand-painted wooden ducks that are a symbol of good luck and happiness in that culture. As I write, these ducks are on a shelf just above my computer, and remind me of my friend... and the fact that I owe her a thank you note for a birthday gift... Another friend, who is a mosaic artist, decorated hundreds of glass votive holders with brown and copper glass. These candle holders look great amidst the plants in my sand-and-sage-colored living room.
If I had the crafty skills, I'd love to make something cool and memorable like these lovely favors. I've had a hard time coming up with anything that seems feasible, yet.
But I do like to bake, and when I saw these adorable labels, I thought maybe we could just make dozens of chocolate chip cookies in the weeks before the wedding, freeze them, and offer them in little goodie bags to take home. Homemade, local, organic, delicious, and consumable. Sounds like a winning combo! (But will I really be able to bake dozens of cookies in the weeks before the wedding? Stay tuned...)
These might look good on the long dining tables in blue glass vases, like this. I'm trying to track down a bunch for cheap on ebay and/or the Dollar Store.
We've budgeted only $250 for decorations. We'll be outdoors much of the day, so we won't need much. But the interior is a renovated army building, and, as you can imagine, is pretty barebones. Some flowers and perhaps paper lanterns will warm it up a bit.
This is the other idea I like for the tables: manzanita branches in glass vases, maybe with some cranberries filling the bottom of the vases. via Brooklyn Bride
Ooo, cool new ways to visualize the physical and social space of the wedding!*
This wedding mapper tool is a great way to give a visual overview of where everything is happening. One more link on the wedding website, and one less piece of paper to send to everyone.
And this wedding genealogy is such a cool way to show how everyone is interconnected - think Facebook social history, calligrafied.
So wishing I had the mad design skills of some of the bride2B's out there! I wonder if we could do this in PowerPoint or Word. It would be fun to visualize how everyone is connected.
*hmmm... my inability to actually escape from my dissertation, even when I am ostensibly thinking about something else, rears its ugly head. Task for the weekend: finish a chapter on perceptions of physical and social space.
How did I miss this before? Bella Figura creates beautiful letterpress invitations using soy-based and low VOC inks using 100% cotton paper made from reclaimed fibers in a wind powered plant, where employees are given bus passes and memberships in a community-supported agriculture (CSA) farm!
Through participation in 1% for the Planet, an initiative started by reknowned climber and environmentalist Yvon Chouinard of Patagonia sportswear fame, they donate at least 1% of their annual revenues to environmental organizations worldwide. They have really raised the bar for environmentally-responsible invitations. How incredibly cool that they are marrying their passion for paper and design with their commitment to protect the environment - something Mr. Barefoot and I want to emulate. I love it when people pursue what they love, while keeping the larger social and environmental perspectives in mind.
And their designs are absolutely beautiful!
A small additional bonus is that they're based in Syracuse, NY, where my late, and much-beloved, grandmother lived for every single one of her 98 years. When I got engaged, she was the first one I wanted to tell, but alas, I had to waft a message upward and hope that it reached her, rather than picking up the phone. I wish so much that she could be at my wedding. Getting something from her hometown might make me feel like she was included.
Having run out of things to stress out about regarding the location, date, dress and photographer, I'd moved on to stressing about invites.
The two foci of my stress were cost and environmental-friendliness. Since we're both in the environmental field, we want our wedding to reflect our values. So far, so good: it will be outdoors, in a national park, and the reception will be at a non-profit arts center, with seasonal, local, organic food.
But what to do about all the miscellaneous paper that accompanies throwing a big party? Mr. Barefoot was all for evites (bet he didn't even know that they have a deal with The Knot!)*, and online RSVPs, but that seemed just a little too casual, hey-c'mon-over-we'll-pop-a-few-beers.
In the last couple days, I've seen two awesome options that have given me great hope for classy, yet affordable and environmentally-friendly invites.**
Option 2: Fresh, sophisticated designs from the brand-spanking-new Printable Press which could be printed locally, or even by us, again on recycled-content paper.
Or, OMG, Option 3: We get an amazing design from Kimi at Printable Press, and send it to Mercurio Brothers for some sweet letterpress. Now that would be stylin'!
I can't imagine that there's anyone in the anti-WIC blogosphere that hasn't seen the amazing designs at Printable Press yet, but if not, dash over and take a look. Her designs are just gorgeous! (All images from there.)
*In a nod to Meg's post at A Practical Wedding today, in which a bride to be gives the downlow on what it's like to plan a lesbian wedding in a small Texas town, I'd like to point out that evite does have wedding evite with two brides, and two grooms. Cool and progressive! Just for that reason, I'd almost consider doing evites...
**Oh, and by the way, I never understood all those extra envelopes and pieces of tissue paper. So we're not gonna have 'em. Less to buy, less for people to throw away!
As if it hasn't been enough fun dress shopping and sharing Save the Date ideas with Dr. Cowgirl, whose wedding is in August, and getting ring ideas from PK, the Musical Marathoning Mammalogist, whose wedding is also over the summer, we now get to welcome a new member to our bride2be club, Water Doc, who is newly the fiancee of one of Mr. Barefoot's close friends. (Didja follow all those convoluted connections?)
Super fun, super exciting! I am so happy for Water Doc and Bee Doc!
I haven't been this giddy since I was sixteen, and all my friends were going to the prom together.
Back in college, a friend and I developed a rather facetious student-initiated course called The Language of Love. We did this in response to some boys down the hall who had first offered the course, whose subtext was basically 'how to pick up chicks.' We wanted to reclaim some female agency, so our course dealt with meeting and 'acquiring' and 'disposing of' prospective partners (yes, we were definitely callow youth!) from the female point of view.
So that's what I first thought of when I saw this intriguing post over at The Relentless Bride.
But this "Language of Love" is much more subtle and complex than the flirting ideas we were tossing around back in college.
It turns out that we all have preferences in how love is communicated to us, and ours may not be the same as our partner's. I recognized this recently when I swooned after Mr. Barefoot picked up all the dishes and ran the dishwasher... turns out one of my preferred Love Languages is "Acts of Service," according to the little test, linked at the bottom of this post. (I'd have to say that this is doubly so while I try to write my dissertation and just can't deal with a lot of the day-to-day stuff.)
The Five Love Languages
Are Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts, and Words of Affirmation.
My primary love language is probably Quality Time with a secondary love language being Acts of Service.
Complete set of results
Quality Time:
9
Acts of Service:
7
Physical Touch:
7
Receiving Gifts:
4
Words of Affirmation:
3
Information
Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.
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