Monday, September 13, 2010

The dilemma of the modern wife

With the light slanting to indicate autumn, and the Bay Area temperatures finally approximating summer, I am transported to this time last year, and eagerly anticipating our first wedding anniversary six weeks from now.

During that week, Eric and I both have work-related travel scheduled.  I was adamant that we should be together at least some time during the weekend on which our anniversary falls.  He'll return from the east coast a day before I have to depart for an annual departmental retreat.

But wait!  I've been invited to a week-long planning meeting for a really interesting project in Asia the same week.  Participating in the meeting would mean missing the departmental retreat, and leaving the US two days before our anniversary.  This, after I insisted that he get home in time to celebrate! 

The timing feels like a cosmic joke:  take the romantic route, choose to celebrate your anniversary on the actual day; or take the professional route, and jet off to Asia instead.  To be clear,  Eric is absolutely fine with me grabbing this opportunity now, and celebrating our anniversary with a long weekend up the coast later in the fall. 

I'm the romantic here: we have a first anniversary only once, and I'd like to eat thawed wedding cake and dance around in my wedding dress on the actual day.  The practical and ambitious side of me knows this is a great opportunity, and I'd be foolish to pass it up.  Still, do they have to be on the same day? 

What would you do, oh recent wives and brides-to-be???


Ms. Bunny said...

I'm a split romantic and gung-ho professional over here too. My gut would tell me to go on professional project in Asia, especially if my partner encouraged me to.

But I can't tell you what to do. Just do what feels best. Neither are going to be perfect.

jes {a mountain bride} said...

I'm a totally nutty romantic. But I've NEVER had a normal schedule and have been celebrating holidays and special occasions on "off" days for years!

Go to Asia! Keep your cake frozen and extra week and then have the fun dance party in your wedding duds!!

Sarah said...

Thinking of you dancing around in your wedding dress and eating frozen cake is such a deliriously delicious and whimsical thought. Sigh! Love it!

But don't worry one bit about the "actual day". Calendar years are surely cosmically inaccurate? I would call your first anniversary the day you dance around in your wedding dress and giggle with your man! It is the celebration that makes it special, NOT the date.

elizabeth said...

Woo-hoo! Way to support combining the personal and the professional.

@ Jes: I suppose I've become spoiled with the academic schedule - there are so many breaks that holidays are usually celebrated on the exact date. And my birthday usually falls on a holiday, too. But clearly it's time to put on my big girl pants and recognize the validity of swapping dates :)

@ Sarah: This made my day: "I would call your first anniversary the day you dance around in your wedding dress and giggle with your man!" Perfect. It is the occasion that earns the name 'anniversary', not the date. Yes!

After several conversations with my mentors and colleagues, I realized I might be ducking my destiny, so I got some ovaries and committed to the Kathmandu meeting. So excited about it! The anniversary will take place late in the fall/ winter when we both have more time and less stress.