Recap #7: From Inspiration to Reality

As I was cleaning out the no-longer-needed wedding inspiration files on my computer and browser, I was pleased to see how the inspirational images I'd saved - mostly, I think, from that bottomless jar of eye-candy, Style Me Pretty* - were born out in reality.  Though I despaired of ever creating a wedding that could live up to the ethereal images on SMP with a down-to-earth budget, these show that a little ingenuity, and a great photographer, can converge to bring on the pretty.

Inspiration

The relaxed, familial, beach-party feeling of this was just the vibe I wanted...

Reality

We rented enough chairs for all the adults, and spread out beach blankets for the kids.  They got to have fun digging in the sand during the ceremony.

Inspiration

Oooo... the way the blue flags pick up the moody water of the sea....

Reality

Yes, with some bamboo poles from the hardware store, and some flags stitched by Mom (one of our few DIY - or DIFMP [for me, please] - projects), the flags define the wedding space without an altar or other religious symbol.

Inspiration

Sweet, simple bouts.  I'm not so much a fan of roses, and lavender wasn't allowed on the beach because of invasive species restrictions, so we ended up with rosemary (for remembrance) instead.

Reality

Inspiration

I'm a big fan of bright, non-matching wedding party outfits.  My Women of Honor decided that they wanted to match.  For the rest of the ushers and readers, we suggested the wedding colors of persimmon, pomegranate and cobalt blue.  They looked great!

Reality

Inspiration

Bright, bold blooms would energize the rustic setting, and echo the wedding party's bright colors...

Reality

Dahlias were lush, local, and seasonal!

Inspiration

Reality

Ok, one big difference between a SMP wedding and a DIY/ DIT one is the bushels of flowers.  I think we vastly under-ordered on the flowers, but they just weren't important enough to spend gobs of money on.

Inspiration

Reality

 In the final analysis, though, I like my bouquet even more than the inspiration photo!  Even more so because our florist adapted to the strict National Park restrictions to ensure that non-native plants could not invade the park.  (It occurs to me that I have absolutely no idea what happened to it after the wedding - flowers are so ephemeral.  Against all bridal tradition, we might have composted it!  Hopefully, the nutrients are returning to the soil, so that they and the love of that day can nourish flowers for someone else's wedding.)


*I no longer have the links or correct attributions for the inspiration photos.  If one of them is yours, please let me know and I'll post a link or remove, as you request.

Recap #6: Cheap and Green Decor

We wanted our wedding to have a smallish environmental footprint, so it was important to us that the minimal decor we used be reused and reusable.

For reused items, eBay was my very best friend. To orient our guests to the importance of the place was chose for the wedding, I ordered a bunch of vintage linen California postcard from the 1900-1940s.

We used these both as simple Save the Dates (printed the wedding information on 3x5 stickers, and pressed them on the back of the postcards), and as escort cards, strung on twine with clothespins, which were the first thing guests saw when they arrived at the wedding site.

Postcards were a fitting theme, as both of us love to send postcards from our travels. I found some vintage toy mailboxes on eBay which complemented the postcard theme on the guest book table.

The postcard theme was picked up on the dining tables, where postcards from places we'd traveled together were the markers for each table.

The dinner table decor was simple:


Local, seasonal dahlias in blue glass vases (re-purposed wine glasses from Crate and Barrel, which guests report they love using post-wedding),

Persimmons and pomegranates, local, seasonal fruits, which guests reported enjoying for days after the wedding, and sunflowers in reused vases from eBay.

We were able to borrow white lights from a classmate who got married at the same spot the previous year,


And scored a bunch of borrowed/ donated paper lanterns from two weddings we attended previously that summer. (These lanterns and some of the vases have now been handed off to a friend getting married in August. Yay, Wedding Co-op! Yay, reuse!)

At the origami table, guests made paper cranes for good luck.

 I think our budget for decor was maybe $200. We spent another $300 on cut flowers, which friends arranged in our vases.

With the beauty of the location, we didn't have to do much.
Images, except for a few, by the incomparable Kate Harrison.
#1, 11, 12 by Doc Water.
Heron by Srabani.

Recap #5: The Unexpected Perils of Being Barefoot

Style flash:
Matching striped sock photos are OUT.
Matching INVISIBLE sock photos are IN.
Observe....

Some brides have multiple dresses*, with a different one for the reception - I had multiple footwear options.



I wore flipflops to the beach, was barefoot for the ceremony - it's hard to describe just how comforting and grounding it was to dig my toes into the warm sand as waves of emotion washed over me - and then rocked the Jimmy Choos at the reception.



One thing I didn't take into account when planning these changes of footwear was how I'd manage to free my feet of sand so they'd be pretty for the Jimmys.

We left paintbrushes for the guests to clean off their feet.

In my poufy dress, I couldn't manage it myself. In his first act of spousal caring, Eric came to the rescue.



When I got to the reception site, my brother helped me get the remaining grit from between my toes.



Images (except #2 & #3) by the spectacular Kate Harrison.
2 and 3 by the supremely talented Doc Water.

Recap #4: A Participatory, Quaker-ish, DIY Ceremony

It was important to us that the wedding ceremony be a participatory, inclusive event. We briefly considered (more than once, actually) just going to City Hall (especially when the planning got overwhelming, as it inevitably does). Ultimately, though, we decided that getting married was about making a public commitment, recognizing our embeddedness in our community of family and friends.

And if our peeps were going to be there, I wanted them to be involved. Not in the designing invitations and baking cakes and arranging flowers sort of way -- our people are more cerebral than crafty, for the most part -- but through participation in the ceremony.

We had seen our friends Data Monkey and Mountain Man pass their rings through their assembled guests to be blessed by each pair of hands. On a sandy beach, though, that didn't seem like such a good idea.

Next we considered asking our guests to bring some small thing that they could add to a larger collective, as a representation of our community, during the ceremony. Some weddings have incorporated water or sand from different parts of the country to represent the families joining together.

Ultimately, we linked this idea to the guest book, a coffee table book of photos of some of our favorite places.
We asked everyone to bring a rock or some other non-decomposing natural object, which we collected together in a glass vase that now lives on our mantle. We requested:

Rock Ceremony
Please bring a rock or other dry and relatively inert bit of nature, such as a shell or small piece of driftwood, to add to the glass vase symbolizing our community. We would like to collect a bit of nature contributed by each person or family that attends the ceremony as a tangible reminder of all those who joined with us for our special day.

We will collect the rocks in a glass vase next to the Guest Book, and invite you to tell us something about your rock in your Guest Book message.

To involve many voices in the ceremony, I was campaigning for a Quaker-style ceremony, in which people could simply speak when and if they felt moved to do so. Unsure that people would really speak up, Eric wanted a bit more structure.

We compromised by asking eight friends and family members to read relevant passages of their choice, AND informing our guests that the ceremony would include open time in which anyone who wished to speak could do so.


So that guests could prepare, we wrote on our wedding website:

Quaker Moments during the Ceremony
During the Ceremony, the Officiant will open the floor (sand!) for anyone who is moved to speak to do so, in the manner of a Quaker meeting. We welcome your thoughts and wishes during this part of the Ceremony.

This worked out amazingly well. A number of friends and family members offered comments, reflections, and tributes that were both funny, touching and heartfelt.

Sadly, I remember almost nothing of what was said! I was so caught up in the emotion and sensations - the warm sun, soft sand, rhythmic waves - that few of the words of the day stuck with me.
I do remember Mountain Man saying that he had recently married an only child - as Eric is - so he and I should talk about how to handle being married to an Only.

At the end of the ceremony, my mom offered a blessing on our marriage.

Photos from Rob.

Recap #3: An officiant for the pan-religionist and the agnostic

The tradition of marrying within one's faith, as a member of religious community, certainly simplifies the decisions about where and by whom to be married. But what if you're a dabbler in many religions /practitioner of none (me) or an agnostic-leaning-atheist (him)?

We settled the location question with the closest thing we have to religion: a deep, shared love for the outdoors, and chose a place that had personal meaning to us. That it was gorgeous and nearby were huge bonuses.

Now that we had the place, who would preside? This was one of the hardest decisions of the wedding planning process, and the one that took the longest to nail down. We considered a Buddhist teacher I'd met at a retreat once. He had great humor and flair, and plenty of wise insights. But we wanted the wedding to comprise people who really know us, and this teacher probably wouldn't recognize me if we ran into each other on a crowded San Francisco street. Next...

My mother, the ordained minister? A seemingly obvious choice. But I wanted my mom to be my mom that day, not worried about conducting a service, and I didn't want to exclude Eric's non-religious family.

Finally, we settled on each choosing one opposite gender friend to co-officiate (he would select a female friend, I would select a guy). It seemed very balanced and progressive and community-oriented. His friend said 'yes.' I dilly-dallied and procrastinated about asking mine. The summer crept along. Then we found out that his friend was going through a personally challenging time, and wouldn't be able to officiate.

Then we found out that my friend was facing a personally challenging time, as well. Did I dare add additional stress to his life by asking him to officiate? I hoped he would see it as the great honor that we meant it to be, but I worried that it would unnecessarily complicate his life (though as we know, a wedding is not an imposition).

Much to my relief, he agreed to officiate (after quickly becoming a minister of the Universal Life Church Monastery), on the condition that Eric and I put together the ceremony so that he would simply serve as its Master of Ceremonies and organizer.

And what an MC he was! He knew well how long and circuitous the journey to this particular moment had been - his voice cracked with emotion more frequently than mine! To me, that truly honored the gravity of the commitment we were making, far more than someone whose experience with such ceremonies would cause them to be practiced and smooth. I feel privileged knowing we are (probably) the only people ever to have the honor of being married by this friend.

And, I will have to start studying hard to repay my debt in kind: do you know, he asked after the ceremony, how difficult it will be will be to find a rabbi for my son's bar mitzvah?

Recap #2: Walking to the Beach

The walk to the beach had to be my favorite part of the day. It was like having a bit of the reception BEFORE the ceremony, which allowed the jitters to subside. As I said to my mom before the Big Day, I knew if I had only a 50 foot aisle to walk down, I'd be freaking out by the time I reached the officiant. But with 3/4 mile hike, I had plenty of time to get grounded, take deep breaths, trade quips about married life with my Women of Honor, hang out with my family, and tease the Flower Children. What a better way to spend the wedding day than going for hike with all my favorite people!

We set out from the reception site, down a step flight of wooden steps. Thank goodness I was wearing my sparkly gold wedding flip-flops. No way I could've negotiated that in heels!

Across a parking lot...


Along a trail toward the beach...



Eventually rounding a corner toward the beach.


By the time we reached the beach, where our guests had gathered, I felt calm and ready.







Photos 1,5,7,8 Kate Harrison; Photos 2,3,4 Rob; Photo 6 Srabani